So what if it hurts...

[theredbamboo]

Pain is pleasure as a pain and pain is pleasure because it eventually subsides. Being stabbed in the face feels good... being stabbed in the back does not. Supposedly it hurts less when you see it coming. I disagree. I like to close my eyes and feed it through lesser senses. Touch doesn't trigger any imagination anymore. I wish. Really though I'd rather be dragged around on a literal fish hook than by a figurative one. I've been doubting my own judgements but why would I trust anyone elses. There isn't anyone looking out for me. There's plenty of people looking at me. However they arn't there to rescue me the moment I'm hurting or feed me when I'm hungry. They're here cause they're hungry and for some reason I've been stumbling a lot lately. You may think it's easy... being my friend. But you havn't. I've been your friend though. You don't know how far from close you are. I may be fragile but that doesn't mean I don't have walls. Don't make me vulnerable. Don't make me share this room with you if I'm not allowed to be here too. Really though either walk in my life or out but don't stand in my doorway like an idiot waiting for me to invite you in or chase you off cause... I'm not even noticing you. Color yourself would you. Stop blending into nothingness. Who the hell am I talking to. I don't even know I just feel like yelling at someone cause I'm bitter. Perhaps I'm yelling at myself. Who gives a damn. In one way or another I find myself yelling at my own self and loving it too.

I wish I was less of a person. I wish I wasn't me. I wish I had pity instead of dragging around this envied carcass all on my own. I wish I slept on a bed of people every night. Or flowers. Or a big slab or marble. Yes. Grant away master.

Make me believe you care. Convince me. Words arn't enough anymore.

I need an easel. I have to wait all week... curses.

Damn you. Damn you all!!!

Desperation anyone? *pours a glass of tea*

I'm dying arn't I?

No.

Bitchtits!

There's something I want to tell you all that I havn't said in awhile and I want you to know though it doesn't really matter and you probably already know but... here it is...

I'm thirsty and I have to pee.

Goodnight.