Hey! I'm a Fungi!

[theredbamboo]

Thinking about whether sitting here thinking is a waste of time. Time. Will it be the one to consume this deterioration that it in itself was the cause of. Perhaps my dull reaction time has stayed the hand of my thoughts too long. I ponder my next pointless move. My opposition has died. I win by default. Time yet again prevails and makes my decisions for me. Preserve me as my thoughts dissolve this confusion. Don't rush me. I know you can't help it. There's a moment. I don't know when it was but there was one. Trust mauled by starvation itself. Remain ignorant of your trespasses. Bastard. Could you, why would you, after this... trust me. Don't. I am spiteful. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmImmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm biting back once you've layed down you're hand. There was a past when these faces were emotions. When these words were sparse and meaningful. When those eyes in the dark listened. A time when I shut up. Good. Someone should be waiting there to slap me in the face as soon as I open my mouth. Please hurt me bad enough that I know it was you and not me. Make the pain so bad that I hate you. Make me cry so much I want to kill you instead of myself. Light. I was a box within the room. Segregated. Voiceless. Secluded. Surrounded by people. Unable to sleep. Tap on the glass. Watch me squirm. Why do I feel free when I can't even stand up. I hate this silence... it's getting so loud. I have all the answers.... I know everything. I need questions. "You confuse me just like everyone else" I'm hopeful but unsalvagable. How long have I been sitting here? Lets make a run for it. I'll hold your hand and you can just shut up and I'll represent you. I'll use your lips to tell myself what I want to hear. I'll pretend you're wonderful. You can pretend I'm something else as long as you look at me... Nevermind. I'd rather go unoticed. Anger. The word seems to release the untapped potential. A disaster. It's a shame mine just kind of drips into sadness. I'm positive if I remain and think about all this... I'll stop existing. I'll never die. I can't exist till you know me like I do. Molest my thoughts. Infringe on the unwelcome privacy of my mind. I want to get lost in you. I want to disappear as soon as your arms close around me. I don't want you to ever find me again. Though I act like I'm lost because I want to be found. Remember me as anything but what I am now. The inner child of this child is emaciated, foul, depressing from neglect and it's own self destructive immaturity. Fuck your opinions, feelings. Where's that charismatic, loveable, chubby, curly-headed child that everyone is anxious to hold and kiss and spoil. Be consoled when you hold me by my venerable youthfulness, my reassuring innocence and my smile full of sunshine. Be free for once and take my hand. Hurry before the malice, and the envy distorts my harmless laugh. Before jealousy strips me of my beauty. Hurry before I have nothing with which to rouse your spirit. I have only ignorance and no honesty for you. I don't know enough to know what the truth is. We are the same, no? Tell me, where is the shepard for this lost lamb? At least you're gonna say that you tried.

Ok now disregard that whiney bullshit and lighten up! I feel better now! Shake it bitch!

Things to know:

I havn't slept in my own bed for 5 nights and I'm not looking forward to it.

I need a f***ing car. (It seems more heartfelt when ya censor it)

Apparently we got a citation for the car and for my shoes being out in the lawn for too long... strange.

There is no synonym for vulnerable. I wish I was an elf.

Having a "side" of the bed is depressing. Maybe I'll learn to sleep in the middle... that or buy a twin.

The dude at starbucks gave me free coffee this morning!

Come January 19th, I'll have officially been single for a year. How depressing.

There's a difference between self esteem and vanity. I just don't know what.

Some rich people are rich because their stingy. I'd rather have name brand cereal then money in my bank account that I'll never spend.

Damnit! I just remembered... my bank account is empty...

People are getting weirded out by the care bear and I love it. One day I'll leave it somewhere and I'll cry.

It's 2am and it's time for us insomniacs to go for a car ride wooo!

I love you sooooo much.

I loose everything. The End.