The bad news keeps on coming
The MRI I took today found two small lesions in my brain. This invalidates me for the USC and Maryland studies, so now I have to go to Stanford to have a "cyber-knife" operation. It involves using radiation to remove the legions.
I don't know what to do. I've been grasping at straws since September, and each straw seems flimsier than the last. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to curl up into a little ball and pretend everything's fine. I want to curse god for inflicting me with this. I want to beg his forgiveness in the hopes that he will send a miracle. I want a magic wand to cure me. I want the future that is seemingly being denied to me. I feel anger, I feel rage, I feel helplessness, I feel despair, I feel numb. This is an insidious disease. The only reason I know I'm sick is because my doctors tell me. I worry about the afterlife. I worry about how my death might affect my friends and family. I worry that my life will be to short to have an impact. It's getting harder and harder to sleep at night. Everytime I say goodbye to a friend, a voice in the back of my head wonders if I will ever see them again.
Life has dealt me a bad hand. I want a re-deal.
I don't know what to do. I've been grasping at straws since September, and each straw seems flimsier than the last. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to curl up into a little ball and pretend everything's fine. I want to curse god for inflicting me with this. I want to beg his forgiveness in the hopes that he will send a miracle. I want a magic wand to cure me. I want the future that is seemingly being denied to me. I feel anger, I feel rage, I feel helplessness, I feel despair, I feel numb. This is an insidious disease. The only reason I know I'm sick is because my doctors tell me. I worry about the afterlife. I worry about how my death might affect my friends and family. I worry that my life will be to short to have an impact. It's getting harder and harder to sleep at night. Everytime I say goodbye to a friend, a voice in the back of my head wonders if I will ever see them again.
Life has dealt me a bad hand. I want a re-deal.