[One-shot]Love is not what you see, but what you feel (Part 2)
Title: Love is not what you see, but what you feel
Pairing: Ohmiya, Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Length: ~11,500
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: Two persons with two different lives; they were bound to each other because of an invisible connection.
Winter, Year 2, Ninomiya Kazunari.
“Nino!”
He heard someone call him, but he didn’t bother to turn around as he realized that it was Sho. He sounded concerned and worried.
“Nino, if you’re home, please call me back okay? Tell us what happened. Aiba is very worried, and Ohno is confused too. Why did you leave so suddenly?”
Then the automated answering machine beeped to signal the end of the voice message and it was all silent again. Nino was sitting beside the window, looking at the snowflakes falling from the dull, grey sky. He felt empty - there was no hurt, no pain, nothing - it was as if all sensations had left him, and he was once again thrown into the fear of loneliness. He closed his eyes, and welcomed the darkness flowing gently into his heart, enveloping him in its shadow, and protecting him from being broken. He had forgotten this feeling when he was exposed to the world of colours, He hadn’t felt how the darkness could relieve his pain with its tender caress in a very long time. He hugged his knees to his chest, and buried his face until he sensed no more light. It felt peaceful - he felt protected.
Nino thought that it was a mistake to let Aiba know how he felt about Ohno. But he knew clearly that Aiba was just worried about him, seeing him look at Ohno day after day without being paid any attention to by the older man. Aiba must’ve thought through it a lot before deciding to tell Ohno this, but Nino was still angry at him. He didn’t want Ohno to know, because more than anyone else he knew that the other man’s love for Jun would never change. And the more Ohno stared into his eyes, the more Nino could feel his unspoken affection for his deceased lover.
“Nino…”
It was Sho’s voice again, but this time it wasn’t coming from his phone, but somewhere beside him and Nino raised his head to look at the older guy. Sho was staring at him, his brows furrowed as he put a hand on Nino’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. Nino didn’t say anything, but turned around to look out of the window. Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Did Ohno reject you?” Sho asked quietly.
Nino shook his head. To tell the truth, Ohno had never rejected him. But he had never liked Nino in the same way that he liked the older man either.
“So what happened?” Sho insisted. He sat down beside Nino and noticing Nino’s blank face, he frowned.
“Nothing…”
“Nino…” Sho sighed and touched Nino’s cheeks quietly, “It’s okay for you to cry, you know.”
“No…!” Nino shook his head, panic visible in his eyes. The word had just awakened all his senses, as he once again felt his heart throbbing painfully in his chest, felt the fear growing bigger as he shook his head violently. “No!”
“Why?” Sho was confused with Nino’s sudden change, and he took Nino’s hand in his, calming the younger man a little.
“No,” Nino repeated, pained. He closed his eyes, lowered his head, and mumbled, “…He doesn’t want me to cry.”
“Who? Ohno? He told you that?” Sho asked in disbelief, his eyes widened.
“He doesn’t want me to cry…!” Nino bit his lips as he was holding back his tears. “He doesn’t want his eyes to cry!”
“Nino…!” Sho hugged Nino tightly, and Nino buried his face into Sho’s chest, his arms wrapped around the older man’s waist and his shoulder trembling. Sho felt his heart constricted inside him, as he felt helpless seeing Nino like this. Nino was broken, but Sho didn’t know how to save him. All he could do was only to hold him tightly, and Nino was crying his heart out, the tears accumulated over the months finally found their release.
Summer, Year 3, Ohno Satoshi.
He was wiping down the tables when Nino came. The front door opened slightly and Nino stepped inside, a trace of sweat rolling down from his temple and running down his neck, as the younger man smiled at him, then turned to Sho and complained.
“It’s hot outside!” He said and took off his cap, smoothing his hair that had become messy. “Sho-chan! I want an ice lemon-tea!!”
“Hai, hai,” Sho appeared behind the bar and handled Nino a glass, and he took it immediately. “You’re really noisy!”
“Just go outside and you’ll understand why!” Nino shrugged, finished drinking the cold drink in three big gulps and returned the empty glas to Sho. He then approached Ohno with a gentle smile on his face, “Ohchan, how’s your day?”
“Well, not bad.” When Nino got closer to him, Ohno realized that he had been staring at the younger man ever since he had arrived, and he hurriedly returned to his work, wiping the table while Nino stood beside him, watching.
It wasn’t as awkward as he had thought it would be after the incident. Nino hadn’t apppeared at the shop for nearly a week after that, and both Sho and Aiba didn’t tell him anything about what had happened. He didn’t remember what he had done wrong - all he had said was that he didn’t want to see Nino cry. Was that anything to be upset about it? Ohno wasn’t sure, he was planning to ask when Nino returned. But when Nino showed up a week later, he was totally happy and bright as usual, and Ohno didn’t dare to bring up the topic. Whenever Ohno tried mentioned about it, Nino would cleverly distract him with another topic and totally evaded his words. They didn’t really talk about it since then, and things had returned to normal before, thanks to Aiba and Sho who kept things easy between them. The heavy atmosphere was finally gone, and they were back to normal - as friends, and Nino would always come to the shop whenever he had free time. He would joke around with Sho, and would tease Aiba as much as he could, and he was as concerned about Ohno as he used to be. Sometimes, they would go out together - no longer with just the two of them - but always with Aiba or Sho or both tagging alone. And Nino no longer looked at him, but instead, he often caught Nino sitting silently, staring unfocusedly outside the window. Ohno wanted to ask what Nino was thinking - witnessing the lonely look on Nino’s face made him wondered if he had anything to do about it. But whenever he approached Nino, the younger man would immediately put back his smile and acted like nothing was wrong. Ohno then wouldn’t ask anything, but sat down and kept Nino company, until there were customers again and he had to return to his job.
“Ne, Ohchan,” he heard Nino calling him, and he was pulled back into reality. It was only then that he remembered that Nino was still standing beside him “I think it’s clean already.”
Ohno looked down, and realized that he had been cleaning only one table since just now. He blushed in embarrassment while Nino stared at him with amused and yet surprised eyes, and he turned to the next table to continue cleaning.
“I know that you are absent-minded,” Nino chuckled. “But really, I didn’t think that you are capable of spacing out so easily when you are working.”
Ohno could feel his ears turned a deeper red, and he smiled sheepishly. Nino patted his shoulder in a friendly manner and turned away, heading for his usual seat when he saw Aiba running towards him and grinning.
“Nino-chan!!! I beat that boss!!!”
They must be talking about one of those games Nino gave Aiba a week before. Ohno chuckled and handled the wiping cloth over to Sho at the bar. He washed his hand, and since there was no customer at that moment, sat down lazily at the bar, and watched Nino silently. The younger man was wearing a yellow shirt with black jeans today. He had taken his jacket off and it was lying on the rack. Nino was enthusiastically discussing with Aiba about something that Ohno reckoned was related to the games. He rested his chin on one palm, and gestured with his other hand to emphasize each word he said, looking as hyper as Aiba. Seeing Nino like this made Ohno feel happy, and he found himself staring at Nino without a reason - it had become his daily pleasure.
That night when he returned home, Ohno rummaged around his small bedroom and finally took out what he had been searching for: a small sketchbook, with a thin layer of dust on its cover. Ohno cosseted it with both his hands, his fingers brushed against the faded decoration on the cover, and he felt like he could finally return to being himself as he felt the familiar feelings soaking into his fingertips to his body. A sudden desire to draw flowed into his mind, and he opened a fresh page, and started to draw. The pencil moved faster than he thought - it was more than two years since he had last held a pencil, but his hand seemed to remember the movements. Line after line, and he shaded certain parts, his brows furrowed in complete concentration. He let his instincts guide him, and he let his hand form the picture freely from his mind onto paper.
It was two hours later, when he found himself staring at Nino’s face - with his sparkling eyes and his gentle smile, his hair was messy as Ohno had seen him at the shop that afternoon. He wasn’t looking at Ohno - his eyes were far away, lonely and bearing. Ohno didn’t know that Nino could look this tired, and he felt a strange coldness rushing into his soul that he realized how much he wanted Nino to look at him. He wanted Nino to stop bearing everything by himself, to stop acting like he’s okay around him, because at that moment he finally realized that Nino had never escaped from the loneliness in his heart.
Autumn, Year 3, Ninomiya Kazunari.
“There’re something wrong with my eyes?” He asked quietly when the doctor was checking him, shining a stream of light into his eyes.
They had started to hurt again. At first, Nino had ignored it, thinking that it was the side effects after the surgery. But, the pain didn’t go away. Instead, it ached whenever he opened his eyes, and there was often a white flash breaking through his vision and he had to blink many times to clear it away. It became more regular as the days passed.
“I’m afraid…” The doctor said slowly, “that the cornea are going to be rejected by your immune system.”
The doctor had talked about other implications after that, but all Nino could get was that he was going to lose his sight again, when the eyes totally stopped functioning. He stared at the doctor in disbelief, feeling a deep fear growing bigger and bigger inside his stomach, until he wanted to throw up. He asked, in a barely audible voice, if there was any way to recover it, and the doctor just said quietly.
“You need to be hospitalized as soon as possible. Please come here tomorrow, the sooner the better, for your eyes.”
He could only nod dully.
Somehow he felt that the world around him was once again closing its doors, and he was left alone outside, with only darkness surrounding him, with fear torturing his heart.
That day, when he came to the coffee shop, Aiba had already gone home, and Sho was busy with making drinks. Ohno was serving for some customers when he came into the cozy shop, and the older man raised his head and spotted Nino standing silently at the entrance. Ohno put the cups down and made his way to Nino. As he noticed something wrong in Nino’s eyes, he whispered while stroking Nino’s cold cheek gently.
“What’s wrong?”
Nino didn’t answer. He drew Ohno into a tight embrace, startling the other man but he recovered quickly and wrapped his arms around Nino, his fingers ruffled the younger man’s hair gently.
“I’m sorry…” Nino murmured near Ohno’s chest, making him draw back and frowned slightly.
“Why are you sorry?”
Nino shook his head, and hugged Ohno again, longing for the warmth of Ohno’s body to mollify his pain - both mentally and physically. He didn’t care if people were looking at them curiously. To him, there was only Ohno close to him, pressing their bodies together, feeling the even breathing through Ohno’s chest which was rising up and down steadily. It helped to calm Nino’s nerves.
Outside, the sky was dull grey, the cloud looming overhead, and a freezing gust of wind swept through the deserted street, carried with it the last leaves of the denuded trees.
Winter was coming again.
Winter, Year 3, Ohno Satoshi.
It was totally a shock for Ohno when Sho informed him that Nino was hospitalized again because of his eyes. He threw down whatever he was doing and immediately rushed to the hospital. Even though he had heard Sho calling him to wait for Aiba and him, Ohno didn’t slow down. He couldn’t leave Nino alone any longer.
Nino was sitting on his bed, his eyes now covered with a white bandage. He was playing with his poker cards. The younger man shuffled it slowly and turned it around skillfully, as though he could see whatever he was doing. But when Nino dropped a card onto the floor, and he blindly felt around for it with his hands, Ohno knew that it was true. Nino couldn’t use his eyes anymore. His heart wrenched painfully when he saw Nino searching helplessly for the card.
He took a step closer, and as if Nino had sensed somebody coming, he stopped and raised his head questioningly, though he didn’t turn his head to Ohno’s direction.
Ohno bent down, took the card and placed it onto Nino’s hand. The younger man seemed surprised for a moment, then he smiled sweetly. Ohno’s heart ached as he knew clearly that Nino was hiding his pain again.
“Thank you,” said Nino, the smile still on his face. “Ohchan, right?”
“…You knew that I was coming?” Ohno asked, surprised. Instead of withdrawing his hand, he held more tightly onto Nino’s.
“No, but I know your hand.” Nino smiled and put away his cards with his free hand, his other hand still in Ohno’s. “It’s easy to know it’s you.”
“Why does this happen, Nino?” asked Ohno quietly. He reached for the bandage on Nino’s eyes and touched it slightly “What’s wrong with your eyes?”
He felt Nino tensed under his touch, then he shook his hand out of Ohno’s, and raised his head to look at where he assumed Ohno was sitting. Again, he smiled. Ohno hated that smile, he realized. He wanted Nino to be himself, to show him his weak side, to rely on him for support…The smile, it was like he was not allowed to enter into Nino’s tightly-sealed heart, and Ohno could not bear that thought.
“Gomen ne, Ohchan,” Nino bit his lips slightly. “I couldn’t protect his eyes. I’m sorry. I don’t know why, but… it seems like they don’t work for me anymore.”
“What are you saying?” Ohno’s heart throbbed in the most painful way. “What do you mean, you can’t protect…? What are you even sorry for?”
“Matsumoto-san’s eyes,” Nino lifted his hand and touched the bandage. His voice was trembling very badly, “I know I must… keep them, use them the best way I could. Since he has kindly given them to me, and since… since you love him so much. I have the responsibility, haven’t I? But… I can’t. I…”
“No, don’t say such things!” Ohno shoved Nino’s hand away and grabbed on tightly to his hand before Nino could withdraw it. “Don’t say it as if it’s your fault! It’s not! It never is!”
“It’s my fault,” Nino continued. Even though Nino did not shed a single tear, Ohno could tell that Nino’s voice was already broken with the pain he was bearing. “It’s totally my fault!”
“No!” Ohno embraced Nino tightly, wanting to soothe the trembling body in his protective arms. “Please, Nino, please stop hurting yourself. It’s already bad enough for you!”
Nino kept silent in Ohno’s arms, his body was still shaking, but he still didn’t cry. He stayed like that until he regained control of his emotions, and Ohno felt Nino pushed him back. When he stared at Nino, he was suddenly fearful because he knew that he was going to lose Nino.
And the thought was too painful for him to think about.
“Could you let me be alone for a bit? I… I don’t feel too good right now,” Nino smiled softly. Ohno felt his heart tightened painfully. It was definitely his fault that Nino was pretending to be okay in front of him, but he could find no words to say it.
He squeezed Nino’s hand once more and then stood up, and walked away hesitantly. When he turned to look at Nino once more at the doorway, Nino looked so defeated and small with his hands hugging his knees tightly and his head lowered that Ohno wanted nothing more than to walk back to embrace Nino, to plead to let him stay, and to share the pain with him.
Despite his strong feelings, Ohno walked away broken hearted.
Winter, Year 3, Ninomiya Kazunari.
The click of the door closing announced that Ohno had finally gone out of the room, and Nino let himself fall lifelessly back onto the fluffy pillow behind his back, totally frustrated.
When he knew that it was Ohno who came to visit him, he was so happy that his heart could burst out of his ribcage. But when Ohno held his hands, the guilty feelings took control of his mind, and he felt stupid. What was he hoping for anyway? He wasn’t able to protect the eyes Ohno loved so much, and when they were gone, there would be nothing left between them. The only connection between them would disappear, and their distance would increase. The only reason why he was closer to Ohno was because he had Matsumoto’s eyes. The way Ohno looked at him was too mesmerizing that he often fantasized that Ohno was looking at him, though he knew Ohno wasn’t. He fantasized that Ohno loved him, though he knew Ohno didn’t either. It was terribly painful, when the dream was over and all that remained in his heart was despair.
He had used Jun’s eyes to become close with Ohno, and maybe this was the punishment for his sin, after all.
“Nino?” It was Sho’s voice. His breathing was heavy as the man must’ve ran a long way here.
Nino didn’t answer, and didn’t bother to sit up either. He turned his head to where he reckoned Sho was standing, to prove that he had heard him.
“Nino, what’s wrong? Why… the eyes?”
“The doctor will remove them soon. And if I’m lucky, there’s another surgery to graft new ones… However, they aren’t sure if my body won’t reject them again.”
“Nino,” Sho put his arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry about this!”
“It’s okay. I’m used to the darkness anyway,” Nino answered bitterly. He was more frightened about another thing than being unable to see. He was really scared that Ohno would leave him, because now he had nothing to keep Ohno beside him anymore.
“Aiba’s coming, he cried when hearing the news.” said Sho quietly.
“He’s a baka,” Nino chucked softly. “There’s nothing to cry about.”
Sho shook his head and pulled back. He held Nino’s hand in his, and he felt the latter’s hand trembling. “And in case you want to know… Ohno was crying too.”
“What…?” Nino’s voice broke, the image of Ohno crying had never passed through his mind, and he felt his heart skip a beat in silent hope.
“He was crying when I arrived. I think he’s still outside, you know… Sitting on the bench in front of your room. He didn’t dare to come in.”
“I told him to leave me alone…” Nino murmured.
Sho looked at him in disbelief, “Why? I think it’s him who you need the most right now!”
“I feel guilty, Sho!” Nino covered his face with his palms. “I can’t keep smiling at him anymore. I can’t, even though I’ve tried. He loves Matsumoto-san’s eyes… All he needs from me is Matsumoto-san’s eyes, but I don’t have them anymore. I can’t bear with the thought that he is going to leave me. Right, Sho? He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t need me as much as I need him. He doesn’t even understand how much I love him - he isn’t even aware of it!”
“Nino…” Sho pleaded, but Nino cut him off. His accumulated fears and frustrations finally exploded.
“Whenever he looks at me, I know very well who he is looking at - He is looking at Matsumoto Jun, and not me. He doesn’t even see me right here in front of him! Tell me, when I’ve finally lost the only connection to him, why should he even be looking at me? He has never looked at me at the first place, since the first time we met! I was the one who always insist to be with him!...I’m really tired, I’ve enough of this, Sho. I don’t want to try anymore!!”
There was a dead silence. Nino was startled when he realized that there were people other than Sho in the room. He tensed under the heavy atmosphere, and he prayed that it was Aiba, because he had said too much. If Ohno was there and heard everything, then Nino would’ve ruin everything.
Therefore when he heard Aiba’s voice, he sighed in relief.
“Eh… I think we came at a wrong time ne, Sho-chan.”
What?
“… Nino, I think we should leave,” Sho stuttered and patted his shoulder encouragingly. “You should talk to him directly, okay?”
What?
Then he sensed movements, and Sho was no longer sitting beside him. Another person had sat down instead, and his scent was scarily familiar. Nino held back his breath. He knew that the worst thing he had never wanted to happen was happening now.
The click from the door told him that only Ohno and him were in the room.
“You’re wrong,” Ohno said softly.
“Wha…” Nino was confused.
“You took it wrongly,” Ohno took Nino’s hands in his. “Yes, I must admit that initially I only saw Jun’s reflection in your eyes…”
Nino struggled - he didn’t need a confirmation right now, but Ohno held his hand tighter and wouldn’t let him go.
“But you’re wrong to think that I’m going to leave you when you don’t have his eyes anymore. What were you thinking? Am I’m that shallow? Do you really think that you mean nothing to me? Why are you so stupid?”
“I don’t know,” Nino muttered. “What do I mean to you? I really have no idea. I can only think that I’m nothing except Matsumoto’s reflection in your eyes!”
“No, you’re not!” Ohno shook his head, though Nino couldn’t see. “I think about you more than you know, Nino.”
“So tell me,” Nino demanded. He stretched out his hand to touch Ohno’s cheeks and felt traces of tears remaining at the corner of his eyes. “Why were you crying?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Ohno closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Nino’s warm palm.
“What is obvious?” Nino hesitated a little but didn’t draw back his hand.
“I don’t usually cry…” Ohno whispered.
“I know…”
“…So isn’t it obvious that you’re very important to me?”
Nino didn’t know how to reply, so he kept silent and leaned in closer to Ohno, who immediately stretched out his arms and let Nino fall into his embrace. Nino buried his face into the crook of the older man’s neck, feeling warmth slowly soaking into him for the first time in many months.
“You don’t need to pretend that you’re okay with me,” Ohno murmured, and he placed soft kisses on Nino’s head. “You can cry whenever you want to … and I want to share your pain with you. So please stop acting like you’re alright.”
“I am alright...”
“Stop being so stubborn,” Ohno sighed and slipped his hand through Nino’s hair.
“I’m not stubborn,” Nino sighed, his voice muffled from being buried against Ohno’s neck. “I’m obedient. You told me to not cry, and I did what you wanted, didn’t I?”
“… I’m sorry.” Ohno tightened his embrace, suddenly feeling guilty now that he knew the reason as to why Nino kept behaving like that with him. It was totally his fault. “I’m sorry, Nino. I didn’t mean it. I was… I was hurt when I saw you cry.”
“I think you were hurt seeing him cry,” Nino shook his head. “I think it was him that you were worried about, Ohchan. You don’t need to make me feel better.”
“No, please,” there was pain in Ohno’s voice, and Nino could feel Ohno crying again. “I know that I still haven’t sort out my feelings yet. But please believe me. You’re definitely more than a friend to me. I can feel it. I … I was able to draw again… I finally found myself again. And it was you…”
“What was me?” Nino pulled back, and frowned in confusion.
“I drew you,” Ohno bit his lips. “I should have given it to you. I really wanted you to see it, but… I’m sorry.”
“You… really drew me?” Nino breathed, his heartbeat quickened. “I want to see it.”
“I will bring it to you… So please don’t lose hope. They will definitely find suitable cornea for you.”
“Ohchan…” Nino’s hand reached the older man’s face, and he sighed. “…You know that I love you, right?”
“Yeah, I do,” Ohno answered softly and took Nino’s hand in his. “Please give me some time. I’ll definitely return your love…”
For the first time in a very long time, Ohno saw a genuine smile on Nino’s face, and it made his heart fluttered in the most pleasant way.
Winter, Year 4, Ohno Satoshi.
He stood outside the coffee shop, waiting impatiently until he saw a small figure walking towards him from afar. He smiled widely as he ran up to catch the younger man’s arm, and dragged him along. It was a snowy day. Snowflakes were falling from the sky, and the ground was covered with a thick blanket of snow. Nino laughed happily as the older man stumbled on his feet and immediately stretched out his hand to support him. Ohno blushed as he felt the warmth from Nino’s arms soaked through his body welcomingly. He took Nino’s hand in his and entwined their fingers together. Nino smiled at him brightly, warming him up on that cold day. Together they stepped into the small shop, where Sho and Aiba were sitting and enthusiastically selecting from a stack of picture frames to display in the shop.
Ohno smiled at them and tugged at Nino’s hand, leading him to the seat near the bar, Nino was now not just a regular customer to the shop, but also their close friend.
“Look! We could hang this beside the old one!” Aiba exclaimed. One of his hands was gesturing to the picture hanging above Nino’s usual seat, the other hand was holding a picture of yellow and blue. It depicted two people sitting silently at the beach, staring out into the horizon where the sky and the sea met, which was shining in a mysterious light.
“It’s Ohno and Nino, right?” Sho took it and stared at it admiringly. “Wow, you’re really great at this, Ohno-kun!”
Ohno beamed at Sho’s comment, and he turned to Nino, his face was eager as he looked for the smallest expression on Nino’s face. Nino took the picture in his hands carefully.
“Woa…” was all Nino said, but the way Nino’s eyes widened and the way his mouth opened slightly, the way he carefully viewed each detail in the picture was more enough compliment for Ohno. He grinned happily as Nino couldn’t stop gazing at the picture of them together, until Nino turned to him, his eyes sparkling with happiness as he threw his arms over Ohno’s shoulder and pulled him closer until their heads touched. “Thank you, Ohchan. I love these so, so much.”
And it was all Ohno wanted to hear.
They finally said goodbye to Sho and Aiba. Those two were still exclaiming noisily about Ohno and Nino staying to have dinner with them, but Nino had refused it immediately. “We have a date,” was all Nino said. And now, Aiba had one more reason to laugh at Nino as he tried to cover his embarrassment by hiding behind Ohno’s shoulder, until Sho patted Aiba’s head and told him to leave them alone.
They were walking side by side, holding hands. Ohno felt Nino’s hand was shaking a little, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Nino turned to him and smiled. Even though it was starting to turn dark as the sun was setting, Ohno could still see Nino blushing. He looks so cute, Ohno chuckled. Finally alone together, Ohno stopped and took out a small sketchbook to give to Nino. Nino looked at him questioningly, but since Ohno didn’t explain, he opened it curiously.
It was a drawing of him, from a long ago. He was seated near the window, his chin resting on his palm and he was staring outside the window. The paper had turned yellowish, but Nino could still make out the drawing clearly.
“I looked so lonely, didn’t I?” He smiled, letting his fingers run down the side of the paper but didn’t dare to touch the lines.
“It’s the first picture I drew of you. And yes, you did.” Ohno agreed and leaned over to Nino, placing a soft kiss on Nino’s forehead. “I wonder if you’re still feeling so anymore…”
“Sometimes,” Nino chuckled. “Sometimes when Ohchan was too busy with his work and not paying attention to me…”
“…But you’re there all the time!” Ohno pouted.
“But still…”
“Oh, alright. So what do you want to do today? My time is all yours.”
“…I don’t want to say....”
“Why!?! Unless…You’re thinking of perverted stuff?” Ohno teased slightly, but he burst into laughter when he saw Nino’s ears turning pink.
“No!!” Nino defended weakly. “I just…want you to…”
Ohno leaned in to kiss Nino before the younger man could finish his sentence. They forgot that they were in public and people were looking at them with both amusing eyes and disapproving eyes. For that moment, there was only the two of them. Nino closed his eyes tightly when he felt Ohno’s lips rested on his. It was only for a short moment, but that was enough to make Nino’s heart stopped, and when Ohno broke the kiss Nino hid his face behind his palms shyly.
“I love you,” Ohno murmured. “I want to love you for the rest of my life.”
Finally, after 3 years, Ohno could love again. Maybe it was Jun who made all these happen. He looked up into the sky, and murmured a soft thank you; he could feel Jun gently watch him from the high blue sky above.
The snow had stopped falling, and the first rim of sunlight had broken through the scattering cloud and shining into their eyes. They entwined their fingers, and walked home together.
It was happiness.
Part 1
Pairing: Ohmiya, Juntoshi
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Length: ~11,500
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
Summary: Two persons with two different lives; they were bound to each other because of an invisible connection.
Winter, Year 2, Ninomiya Kazunari.
“Nino!”
He heard someone call him, but he didn’t bother to turn around as he realized that it was Sho. He sounded concerned and worried.
“Nino, if you’re home, please call me back okay? Tell us what happened. Aiba is very worried, and Ohno is confused too. Why did you leave so suddenly?”
Then the automated answering machine beeped to signal the end of the voice message and it was all silent again. Nino was sitting beside the window, looking at the snowflakes falling from the dull, grey sky. He felt empty - there was no hurt, no pain, nothing - it was as if all sensations had left him, and he was once again thrown into the fear of loneliness. He closed his eyes, and welcomed the darkness flowing gently into his heart, enveloping him in its shadow, and protecting him from being broken. He had forgotten this feeling when he was exposed to the world of colours, He hadn’t felt how the darkness could relieve his pain with its tender caress in a very long time. He hugged his knees to his chest, and buried his face until he sensed no more light. It felt peaceful - he felt protected.
Nino thought that it was a mistake to let Aiba know how he felt about Ohno. But he knew clearly that Aiba was just worried about him, seeing him look at Ohno day after day without being paid any attention to by the older man. Aiba must’ve thought through it a lot before deciding to tell Ohno this, but Nino was still angry at him. He didn’t want Ohno to know, because more than anyone else he knew that the other man’s love for Jun would never change. And the more Ohno stared into his eyes, the more Nino could feel his unspoken affection for his deceased lover.
“Nino…”
It was Sho’s voice again, but this time it wasn’t coming from his phone, but somewhere beside him and Nino raised his head to look at the older guy. Sho was staring at him, his brows furrowed as he put a hand on Nino’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. Nino didn’t say anything, but turned around to look out of the window. Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood to talk.
“Did Ohno reject you?” Sho asked quietly.
Nino shook his head. To tell the truth, Ohno had never rejected him. But he had never liked Nino in the same way that he liked the older man either.
“So what happened?” Sho insisted. He sat down beside Nino and noticing Nino’s blank face, he frowned.
“Nothing…”
“Nino…” Sho sighed and touched Nino’s cheeks quietly, “It’s okay for you to cry, you know.”
“No…!” Nino shook his head, panic visible in his eyes. The word had just awakened all his senses, as he once again felt his heart throbbing painfully in his chest, felt the fear growing bigger as he shook his head violently. “No!”
“Why?” Sho was confused with Nino’s sudden change, and he took Nino’s hand in his, calming the younger man a little.
“No,” Nino repeated, pained. He closed his eyes, lowered his head, and mumbled, “…He doesn’t want me to cry.”
“Who? Ohno? He told you that?” Sho asked in disbelief, his eyes widened.
“He doesn’t want me to cry…!” Nino bit his lips as he was holding back his tears. “He doesn’t want his eyes to cry!”
“Nino…!” Sho hugged Nino tightly, and Nino buried his face into Sho’s chest, his arms wrapped around the older man’s waist and his shoulder trembling. Sho felt his heart constricted inside him, as he felt helpless seeing Nino like this. Nino was broken, but Sho didn’t know how to save him. All he could do was only to hold him tightly, and Nino was crying his heart out, the tears accumulated over the months finally found their release.
Summer, Year 3, Ohno Satoshi.
He was wiping down the tables when Nino came. The front door opened slightly and Nino stepped inside, a trace of sweat rolling down from his temple and running down his neck, as the younger man smiled at him, then turned to Sho and complained.
“It’s hot outside!” He said and took off his cap, smoothing his hair that had become messy. “Sho-chan! I want an ice lemon-tea!!”
“Hai, hai,” Sho appeared behind the bar and handled Nino a glass, and he took it immediately. “You’re really noisy!”
“Just go outside and you’ll understand why!” Nino shrugged, finished drinking the cold drink in three big gulps and returned the empty glas to Sho. He then approached Ohno with a gentle smile on his face, “Ohchan, how’s your day?”
“Well, not bad.” When Nino got closer to him, Ohno realized that he had been staring at the younger man ever since he had arrived, and he hurriedly returned to his work, wiping the table while Nino stood beside him, watching.
It wasn’t as awkward as he had thought it would be after the incident. Nino hadn’t apppeared at the shop for nearly a week after that, and both Sho and Aiba didn’t tell him anything about what had happened. He didn’t remember what he had done wrong - all he had said was that he didn’t want to see Nino cry. Was that anything to be upset about it? Ohno wasn’t sure, he was planning to ask when Nino returned. But when Nino showed up a week later, he was totally happy and bright as usual, and Ohno didn’t dare to bring up the topic. Whenever Ohno tried mentioned about it, Nino would cleverly distract him with another topic and totally evaded his words. They didn’t really talk about it since then, and things had returned to normal before, thanks to Aiba and Sho who kept things easy between them. The heavy atmosphere was finally gone, and they were back to normal - as friends, and Nino would always come to the shop whenever he had free time. He would joke around with Sho, and would tease Aiba as much as he could, and he was as concerned about Ohno as he used to be. Sometimes, they would go out together - no longer with just the two of them - but always with Aiba or Sho or both tagging alone. And Nino no longer looked at him, but instead, he often caught Nino sitting silently, staring unfocusedly outside the window. Ohno wanted to ask what Nino was thinking - witnessing the lonely look on Nino’s face made him wondered if he had anything to do about it. But whenever he approached Nino, the younger man would immediately put back his smile and acted like nothing was wrong. Ohno then wouldn’t ask anything, but sat down and kept Nino company, until there were customers again and he had to return to his job.
“Ne, Ohchan,” he heard Nino calling him, and he was pulled back into reality. It was only then that he remembered that Nino was still standing beside him “I think it’s clean already.”
Ohno looked down, and realized that he had been cleaning only one table since just now. He blushed in embarrassment while Nino stared at him with amused and yet surprised eyes, and he turned to the next table to continue cleaning.
“I know that you are absent-minded,” Nino chuckled. “But really, I didn’t think that you are capable of spacing out so easily when you are working.”
Ohno could feel his ears turned a deeper red, and he smiled sheepishly. Nino patted his shoulder in a friendly manner and turned away, heading for his usual seat when he saw Aiba running towards him and grinning.
“Nino-chan!!! I beat that boss!!!”
They must be talking about one of those games Nino gave Aiba a week before. Ohno chuckled and handled the wiping cloth over to Sho at the bar. He washed his hand, and since there was no customer at that moment, sat down lazily at the bar, and watched Nino silently. The younger man was wearing a yellow shirt with black jeans today. He had taken his jacket off and it was lying on the rack. Nino was enthusiastically discussing with Aiba about something that Ohno reckoned was related to the games. He rested his chin on one palm, and gestured with his other hand to emphasize each word he said, looking as hyper as Aiba. Seeing Nino like this made Ohno feel happy, and he found himself staring at Nino without a reason - it had become his daily pleasure.
That night when he returned home, Ohno rummaged around his small bedroom and finally took out what he had been searching for: a small sketchbook, with a thin layer of dust on its cover. Ohno cosseted it with both his hands, his fingers brushed against the faded decoration on the cover, and he felt like he could finally return to being himself as he felt the familiar feelings soaking into his fingertips to his body. A sudden desire to draw flowed into his mind, and he opened a fresh page, and started to draw. The pencil moved faster than he thought - it was more than two years since he had last held a pencil, but his hand seemed to remember the movements. Line after line, and he shaded certain parts, his brows furrowed in complete concentration. He let his instincts guide him, and he let his hand form the picture freely from his mind onto paper.
It was two hours later, when he found himself staring at Nino’s face - with his sparkling eyes and his gentle smile, his hair was messy as Ohno had seen him at the shop that afternoon. He wasn’t looking at Ohno - his eyes were far away, lonely and bearing. Ohno didn’t know that Nino could look this tired, and he felt a strange coldness rushing into his soul that he realized how much he wanted Nino to look at him. He wanted Nino to stop bearing everything by himself, to stop acting like he’s okay around him, because at that moment he finally realized that Nino had never escaped from the loneliness in his heart.
Autumn, Year 3, Ninomiya Kazunari.
“There’re something wrong with my eyes?” He asked quietly when the doctor was checking him, shining a stream of light into his eyes.
They had started to hurt again. At first, Nino had ignored it, thinking that it was the side effects after the surgery. But, the pain didn’t go away. Instead, it ached whenever he opened his eyes, and there was often a white flash breaking through his vision and he had to blink many times to clear it away. It became more regular as the days passed.
“I’m afraid…” The doctor said slowly, “that the cornea are going to be rejected by your immune system.”
The doctor had talked about other implications after that, but all Nino could get was that he was going to lose his sight again, when the eyes totally stopped functioning. He stared at the doctor in disbelief, feeling a deep fear growing bigger and bigger inside his stomach, until he wanted to throw up. He asked, in a barely audible voice, if there was any way to recover it, and the doctor just said quietly.
“You need to be hospitalized as soon as possible. Please come here tomorrow, the sooner the better, for your eyes.”
He could only nod dully.
Somehow he felt that the world around him was once again closing its doors, and he was left alone outside, with only darkness surrounding him, with fear torturing his heart.
That day, when he came to the coffee shop, Aiba had already gone home, and Sho was busy with making drinks. Ohno was serving for some customers when he came into the cozy shop, and the older man raised his head and spotted Nino standing silently at the entrance. Ohno put the cups down and made his way to Nino. As he noticed something wrong in Nino’s eyes, he whispered while stroking Nino’s cold cheek gently.
“What’s wrong?”
Nino didn’t answer. He drew Ohno into a tight embrace, startling the other man but he recovered quickly and wrapped his arms around Nino, his fingers ruffled the younger man’s hair gently.
“I’m sorry…” Nino murmured near Ohno’s chest, making him draw back and frowned slightly.
“Why are you sorry?”
Nino shook his head, and hugged Ohno again, longing for the warmth of Ohno’s body to mollify his pain - both mentally and physically. He didn’t care if people were looking at them curiously. To him, there was only Ohno close to him, pressing their bodies together, feeling the even breathing through Ohno’s chest which was rising up and down steadily. It helped to calm Nino’s nerves.
Outside, the sky was dull grey, the cloud looming overhead, and a freezing gust of wind swept through the deserted street, carried with it the last leaves of the denuded trees.
Winter was coming again.
Winter, Year 3, Ohno Satoshi.
It was totally a shock for Ohno when Sho informed him that Nino was hospitalized again because of his eyes. He threw down whatever he was doing and immediately rushed to the hospital. Even though he had heard Sho calling him to wait for Aiba and him, Ohno didn’t slow down. He couldn’t leave Nino alone any longer.
Nino was sitting on his bed, his eyes now covered with a white bandage. He was playing with his poker cards. The younger man shuffled it slowly and turned it around skillfully, as though he could see whatever he was doing. But when Nino dropped a card onto the floor, and he blindly felt around for it with his hands, Ohno knew that it was true. Nino couldn’t use his eyes anymore. His heart wrenched painfully when he saw Nino searching helplessly for the card.
He took a step closer, and as if Nino had sensed somebody coming, he stopped and raised his head questioningly, though he didn’t turn his head to Ohno’s direction.
Ohno bent down, took the card and placed it onto Nino’s hand. The younger man seemed surprised for a moment, then he smiled sweetly. Ohno’s heart ached as he knew clearly that Nino was hiding his pain again.
“Thank you,” said Nino, the smile still on his face. “Ohchan, right?”
“…You knew that I was coming?” Ohno asked, surprised. Instead of withdrawing his hand, he held more tightly onto Nino’s.
“No, but I know your hand.” Nino smiled and put away his cards with his free hand, his other hand still in Ohno’s. “It’s easy to know it’s you.”
“Why does this happen, Nino?” asked Ohno quietly. He reached for the bandage on Nino’s eyes and touched it slightly “What’s wrong with your eyes?”
He felt Nino tensed under his touch, then he shook his hand out of Ohno’s, and raised his head to look at where he assumed Ohno was sitting. Again, he smiled. Ohno hated that smile, he realized. He wanted Nino to be himself, to show him his weak side, to rely on him for support…The smile, it was like he was not allowed to enter into Nino’s tightly-sealed heart, and Ohno could not bear that thought.
“Gomen ne, Ohchan,” Nino bit his lips slightly. “I couldn’t protect his eyes. I’m sorry. I don’t know why, but… it seems like they don’t work for me anymore.”
“What are you saying?” Ohno’s heart throbbed in the most painful way. “What do you mean, you can’t protect…? What are you even sorry for?”
“Matsumoto-san’s eyes,” Nino lifted his hand and touched the bandage. His voice was trembling very badly, “I know I must… keep them, use them the best way I could. Since he has kindly given them to me, and since… since you love him so much. I have the responsibility, haven’t I? But… I can’t. I…”
“No, don’t say such things!” Ohno shoved Nino’s hand away and grabbed on tightly to his hand before Nino could withdraw it. “Don’t say it as if it’s your fault! It’s not! It never is!”
“It’s my fault,” Nino continued. Even though Nino did not shed a single tear, Ohno could tell that Nino’s voice was already broken with the pain he was bearing. “It’s totally my fault!”
“No!” Ohno embraced Nino tightly, wanting to soothe the trembling body in his protective arms. “Please, Nino, please stop hurting yourself. It’s already bad enough for you!”
Nino kept silent in Ohno’s arms, his body was still shaking, but he still didn’t cry. He stayed like that until he regained control of his emotions, and Ohno felt Nino pushed him back. When he stared at Nino, he was suddenly fearful because he knew that he was going to lose Nino.
And the thought was too painful for him to think about.
“Could you let me be alone for a bit? I… I don’t feel too good right now,” Nino smiled softly. Ohno felt his heart tightened painfully. It was definitely his fault that Nino was pretending to be okay in front of him, but he could find no words to say it.
He squeezed Nino’s hand once more and then stood up, and walked away hesitantly. When he turned to look at Nino once more at the doorway, Nino looked so defeated and small with his hands hugging his knees tightly and his head lowered that Ohno wanted nothing more than to walk back to embrace Nino, to plead to let him stay, and to share the pain with him.
Despite his strong feelings, Ohno walked away broken hearted.
Winter, Year 3, Ninomiya Kazunari.
The click of the door closing announced that Ohno had finally gone out of the room, and Nino let himself fall lifelessly back onto the fluffy pillow behind his back, totally frustrated.
When he knew that it was Ohno who came to visit him, he was so happy that his heart could burst out of his ribcage. But when Ohno held his hands, the guilty feelings took control of his mind, and he felt stupid. What was he hoping for anyway? He wasn’t able to protect the eyes Ohno loved so much, and when they were gone, there would be nothing left between them. The only connection between them would disappear, and their distance would increase. The only reason why he was closer to Ohno was because he had Matsumoto’s eyes. The way Ohno looked at him was too mesmerizing that he often fantasized that Ohno was looking at him, though he knew Ohno wasn’t. He fantasized that Ohno loved him, though he knew Ohno didn’t either. It was terribly painful, when the dream was over and all that remained in his heart was despair.
He had used Jun’s eyes to become close with Ohno, and maybe this was the punishment for his sin, after all.
“Nino?” It was Sho’s voice. His breathing was heavy as the man must’ve ran a long way here.
Nino didn’t answer, and didn’t bother to sit up either. He turned his head to where he reckoned Sho was standing, to prove that he had heard him.
“Nino, what’s wrong? Why… the eyes?”
“The doctor will remove them soon. And if I’m lucky, there’s another surgery to graft new ones… However, they aren’t sure if my body won’t reject them again.”
“Nino,” Sho put his arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry about this!”
“It’s okay. I’m used to the darkness anyway,” Nino answered bitterly. He was more frightened about another thing than being unable to see. He was really scared that Ohno would leave him, because now he had nothing to keep Ohno beside him anymore.
“Aiba’s coming, he cried when hearing the news.” said Sho quietly.
“He’s a baka,” Nino chucked softly. “There’s nothing to cry about.”
Sho shook his head and pulled back. He held Nino’s hand in his, and he felt the latter’s hand trembling. “And in case you want to know… Ohno was crying too.”
“What…?” Nino’s voice broke, the image of Ohno crying had never passed through his mind, and he felt his heart skip a beat in silent hope.
“He was crying when I arrived. I think he’s still outside, you know… Sitting on the bench in front of your room. He didn’t dare to come in.”
“I told him to leave me alone…” Nino murmured.
Sho looked at him in disbelief, “Why? I think it’s him who you need the most right now!”
“I feel guilty, Sho!” Nino covered his face with his palms. “I can’t keep smiling at him anymore. I can’t, even though I’ve tried. He loves Matsumoto-san’s eyes… All he needs from me is Matsumoto-san’s eyes, but I don’t have them anymore. I can’t bear with the thought that he is going to leave me. Right, Sho? He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t need me as much as I need him. He doesn’t even understand how much I love him - he isn’t even aware of it!”
“Nino…” Sho pleaded, but Nino cut him off. His accumulated fears and frustrations finally exploded.
“Whenever he looks at me, I know very well who he is looking at - He is looking at Matsumoto Jun, and not me. He doesn’t even see me right here in front of him! Tell me, when I’ve finally lost the only connection to him, why should he even be looking at me? He has never looked at me at the first place, since the first time we met! I was the one who always insist to be with him!...I’m really tired, I’ve enough of this, Sho. I don’t want to try anymore!!”
There was a dead silence. Nino was startled when he realized that there were people other than Sho in the room. He tensed under the heavy atmosphere, and he prayed that it was Aiba, because he had said too much. If Ohno was there and heard everything, then Nino would’ve ruin everything.
Therefore when he heard Aiba’s voice, he sighed in relief.
“Eh… I think we came at a wrong time ne, Sho-chan.”
What?
“… Nino, I think we should leave,” Sho stuttered and patted his shoulder encouragingly. “You should talk to him directly, okay?”
What?
Then he sensed movements, and Sho was no longer sitting beside him. Another person had sat down instead, and his scent was scarily familiar. Nino held back his breath. He knew that the worst thing he had never wanted to happen was happening now.
The click from the door told him that only Ohno and him were in the room.
“You’re wrong,” Ohno said softly.
“Wha…” Nino was confused.
“You took it wrongly,” Ohno took Nino’s hands in his. “Yes, I must admit that initially I only saw Jun’s reflection in your eyes…”
Nino struggled - he didn’t need a confirmation right now, but Ohno held his hand tighter and wouldn’t let him go.
“But you’re wrong to think that I’m going to leave you when you don’t have his eyes anymore. What were you thinking? Am I’m that shallow? Do you really think that you mean nothing to me? Why are you so stupid?”
“I don’t know,” Nino muttered. “What do I mean to you? I really have no idea. I can only think that I’m nothing except Matsumoto’s reflection in your eyes!”
“No, you’re not!” Ohno shook his head, though Nino couldn’t see. “I think about you more than you know, Nino.”
“So tell me,” Nino demanded. He stretched out his hand to touch Ohno’s cheeks and felt traces of tears remaining at the corner of his eyes. “Why were you crying?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Ohno closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Nino’s warm palm.
“What is obvious?” Nino hesitated a little but didn’t draw back his hand.
“I don’t usually cry…” Ohno whispered.
“I know…”
“…So isn’t it obvious that you’re very important to me?”
Nino didn’t know how to reply, so he kept silent and leaned in closer to Ohno, who immediately stretched out his arms and let Nino fall into his embrace. Nino buried his face into the crook of the older man’s neck, feeling warmth slowly soaking into him for the first time in many months.
“You don’t need to pretend that you’re okay with me,” Ohno murmured, and he placed soft kisses on Nino’s head. “You can cry whenever you want to … and I want to share your pain with you. So please stop acting like you’re alright.”
“I am alright...”
“Stop being so stubborn,” Ohno sighed and slipped his hand through Nino’s hair.
“I’m not stubborn,” Nino sighed, his voice muffled from being buried against Ohno’s neck. “I’m obedient. You told me to not cry, and I did what you wanted, didn’t I?”
“… I’m sorry.” Ohno tightened his embrace, suddenly feeling guilty now that he knew the reason as to why Nino kept behaving like that with him. It was totally his fault. “I’m sorry, Nino. I didn’t mean it. I was… I was hurt when I saw you cry.”
“I think you were hurt seeing him cry,” Nino shook his head. “I think it was him that you were worried about, Ohchan. You don’t need to make me feel better.”
“No, please,” there was pain in Ohno’s voice, and Nino could feel Ohno crying again. “I know that I still haven’t sort out my feelings yet. But please believe me. You’re definitely more than a friend to me. I can feel it. I … I was able to draw again… I finally found myself again. And it was you…”
“What was me?” Nino pulled back, and frowned in confusion.
“I drew you,” Ohno bit his lips. “I should have given it to you. I really wanted you to see it, but… I’m sorry.”
“You… really drew me?” Nino breathed, his heartbeat quickened. “I want to see it.”
“I will bring it to you… So please don’t lose hope. They will definitely find suitable cornea for you.”
“Ohchan…” Nino’s hand reached the older man’s face, and he sighed. “…You know that I love you, right?”
“Yeah, I do,” Ohno answered softly and took Nino’s hand in his. “Please give me some time. I’ll definitely return your love…”
For the first time in a very long time, Ohno saw a genuine smile on Nino’s face, and it made his heart fluttered in the most pleasant way.
Winter, Year 4, Ohno Satoshi.
He stood outside the coffee shop, waiting impatiently until he saw a small figure walking towards him from afar. He smiled widely as he ran up to catch the younger man’s arm, and dragged him along. It was a snowy day. Snowflakes were falling from the sky, and the ground was covered with a thick blanket of snow. Nino laughed happily as the older man stumbled on his feet and immediately stretched out his hand to support him. Ohno blushed as he felt the warmth from Nino’s arms soaked through his body welcomingly. He took Nino’s hand in his and entwined their fingers together. Nino smiled at him brightly, warming him up on that cold day. Together they stepped into the small shop, where Sho and Aiba were sitting and enthusiastically selecting from a stack of picture frames to display in the shop.
Ohno smiled at them and tugged at Nino’s hand, leading him to the seat near the bar, Nino was now not just a regular customer to the shop, but also their close friend.
“Look! We could hang this beside the old one!” Aiba exclaimed. One of his hands was gesturing to the picture hanging above Nino’s usual seat, the other hand was holding a picture of yellow and blue. It depicted two people sitting silently at the beach, staring out into the horizon where the sky and the sea met, which was shining in a mysterious light.
“It’s Ohno and Nino, right?” Sho took it and stared at it admiringly. “Wow, you’re really great at this, Ohno-kun!”
Ohno beamed at Sho’s comment, and he turned to Nino, his face was eager as he looked for the smallest expression on Nino’s face. Nino took the picture in his hands carefully.
“Woa…” was all Nino said, but the way Nino’s eyes widened and the way his mouth opened slightly, the way he carefully viewed each detail in the picture was more enough compliment for Ohno. He grinned happily as Nino couldn’t stop gazing at the picture of them together, until Nino turned to him, his eyes sparkling with happiness as he threw his arms over Ohno’s shoulder and pulled him closer until their heads touched. “Thank you, Ohchan. I love these so, so much.”
And it was all Ohno wanted to hear.
They finally said goodbye to Sho and Aiba. Those two were still exclaiming noisily about Ohno and Nino staying to have dinner with them, but Nino had refused it immediately. “We have a date,” was all Nino said. And now, Aiba had one more reason to laugh at Nino as he tried to cover his embarrassment by hiding behind Ohno’s shoulder, until Sho patted Aiba’s head and told him to leave them alone.
They were walking side by side, holding hands. Ohno felt Nino’s hand was shaking a little, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Nino turned to him and smiled. Even though it was starting to turn dark as the sun was setting, Ohno could still see Nino blushing. He looks so cute, Ohno chuckled. Finally alone together, Ohno stopped and took out a small sketchbook to give to Nino. Nino looked at him questioningly, but since Ohno didn’t explain, he opened it curiously.
It was a drawing of him, from a long ago. He was seated near the window, his chin resting on his palm and he was staring outside the window. The paper had turned yellowish, but Nino could still make out the drawing clearly.
“I looked so lonely, didn’t I?” He smiled, letting his fingers run down the side of the paper but didn’t dare to touch the lines.
“It’s the first picture I drew of you. And yes, you did.” Ohno agreed and leaned over to Nino, placing a soft kiss on Nino’s forehead. “I wonder if you’re still feeling so anymore…”
“Sometimes,” Nino chuckled. “Sometimes when Ohchan was too busy with his work and not paying attention to me…”
“…But you’re there all the time!” Ohno pouted.
“But still…”
“Oh, alright. So what do you want to do today? My time is all yours.”
“…I don’t want to say....”
“Why!?! Unless…You’re thinking of perverted stuff?” Ohno teased slightly, but he burst into laughter when he saw Nino’s ears turning pink.
“No!!” Nino defended weakly. “I just…want you to…”
Ohno leaned in to kiss Nino before the younger man could finish his sentence. They forgot that they were in public and people were looking at them with both amusing eyes and disapproving eyes. For that moment, there was only the two of them. Nino closed his eyes tightly when he felt Ohno’s lips rested on his. It was only for a short moment, but that was enough to make Nino’s heart stopped, and when Ohno broke the kiss Nino hid his face behind his palms shyly.
“I love you,” Ohno murmured. “I want to love you for the rest of my life.”
Finally, after 3 years, Ohno could love again. Maybe it was Jun who made all these happen. He looked up into the sky, and murmured a soft thank you; he could feel Jun gently watch him from the high blue sky above.
The snow had stopped falling, and the first rim of sunlight had broken through the scattering cloud and shining into their eyes. They entwined their fingers, and walked home together.
It was happiness.
Part 1