Some days, it just takes one comment for everything to dovetail right into each other, and make a lot of things snap into place mentally for you
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I think a large portion of this is just keeping in mind when we sharing our perspectives and opinions and approaches to a piece that those things aren't universal. It's really easy to slip into language that's very sweeping: "this doesn't work" is quite different from "this doesn't work for me" and adding "and I don't know why" is perfectly valid. That, and well, empathy. Writing is hard work. Even if tearing something apart is satisfying, it's good to keep in mind that another human being worked hard at it, even if you can't see it.
I worry a lot about the tone of the crit I give, and I'm sure I don't always succeed. I love engaging critically with things - I'm a judgey person, and I don't see that as a bad thing. I like getting down into the whys and hows and the what-ifs and examining my own expectations, desires, and reactions to things. And I do this for, um, everything, including lots of things I love (I love a lot of problematic media. Heh. Ask me about Doctor Who sometimes. BE PREPARED FOR A LOT OF WORDS IN RESPONSE. *grins*). I can think something's really awesome and still want to tear it apart to see how it works, and how it could maybe be better. I never want that enthusiasm to come across as cruelty, though, or casual dismissal of another person's perspective and work. It's hard, sometimes.
I completely agree - and for the record, I always find your crit excellent in both content and tone!
The empathy piece is what is sometimes lacking in other pieces of feedback I run across. Recognizing that your feedback is your personal perspective (YMMV and all that), and that you are engaging with something that another person put heart and time into, should take care of 99% of tone issues.
"and for the record, I always find your crit excellent in both content and tone!"
Whew! I'm glad to know that. I really do worry. (Also, this is totally me going "let's make this comment thread all about meeeeeee!" evidently. Heh. Sorry about that.)
There's a really neat place online called critters, where people sign up and give and get feedback on pieces. They have some GREAT advice on giving good feedback, like this document: It's not what you say, but how you say it. I learned a lot by reading their materials.
I worry a lot about the tone of the crit I give, and I'm sure I don't always succeed. I love engaging critically with things - I'm a judgey person, and I don't see that as a bad thing. I like getting down into the whys and hows and the what-ifs and examining my own expectations, desires, and reactions to things. And I do this for, um, everything, including lots of things I love (I love a lot of problematic media. Heh. Ask me about Doctor Who sometimes. BE PREPARED FOR A LOT OF WORDS IN RESPONSE. *grins*). I can think something's really awesome and still want to tear it apart to see how it works, and how it could maybe be better. I never want that enthusiasm to come across as cruelty, though, or casual dismissal of another person's perspective and work. It's hard, sometimes.
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The empathy piece is what is sometimes lacking in other pieces of feedback I run across. Recognizing that your feedback is your personal perspective (YMMV and all that), and that you are engaging with something that another person put heart and time into, should take care of 99% of tone issues.
Reply
Whew! I'm glad to know that. I really do worry. (Also, this is totally me going "let's make this comment thread all about meeeeeee!" evidently. Heh. Sorry about that.)
There's a really neat place online called critters, where people sign up and give and get feedback on pieces. They have some GREAT advice on giving good feedback, like this document: It's not what you say, but how you say it. I learned a lot by reading their materials.
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