Almost like having a baby.
It is 4.50 in the morning. As I sat on the driveway stoop sneaking a cigarette, I felt a calm and quiet wash over me, my insides almost purring from the delicious, stretched-out feeling it had almost forgotten.
It is Holy Week in Catholic Manila and everyone is away. In one of the billions of versions of my life that would have played out, I would be dancing and laughing, partying with the zany Beverage Team from work in Boracay this second. But this actual version of my life is ultimately more satisfying -- staying home in the usually frenetic Manila, working in the wee hours of the morning on this holy holiday,and enjoying the precious quiet and calm of a city on vacation. I have just sent out emails to unlucky colleagues -- and I am done for the day. I am pleasantly tired, my body feeling a quiet exhaustion that I never thought I would feel again.
After 9 months at work, I have finally arrived at the place where I can remember why it is again I am trading sleep, time with family and friends, and my precious youth for a crazy industry, even crazier job, and one of the craziest companies ever. This is who I am -- at least, this is what one facet of me is: a hard worker, passionate and 100% about getting the job done and done well. I cannot attribute anything for coming at this stage. As always, I chalk it up to grace and to a stubborn determination to listen to oneself. At this point in time, this is what I feel in my heart is what I am supposed to do.
There are times when I want to fling things down to the coffee-sipping, al fresco-dining civilians I see from the office or to bite the heads off my bosses. But gone are the doubts -- is this right? is this all? -- and the constant desire to leave. No more throwing up of hands in attempts to give up. I am ready to take the worse part along with the better. Not bad, really.
I just hope I don't eat my words on Monday.
It is Holy Week in Catholic Manila and everyone is away. In one of the billions of versions of my life that would have played out, I would be dancing and laughing, partying with the zany Beverage Team from work in Boracay this second. But this actual version of my life is ultimately more satisfying -- staying home in the usually frenetic Manila, working in the wee hours of the morning on this holy holiday,and enjoying the precious quiet and calm of a city on vacation. I have just sent out emails to unlucky colleagues -- and I am done for the day. I am pleasantly tired, my body feeling a quiet exhaustion that I never thought I would feel again.
After 9 months at work, I have finally arrived at the place where I can remember why it is again I am trading sleep, time with family and friends, and my precious youth for a crazy industry, even crazier job, and one of the craziest companies ever. This is who I am -- at least, this is what one facet of me is: a hard worker, passionate and 100% about getting the job done and done well. I cannot attribute anything for coming at this stage. As always, I chalk it up to grace and to a stubborn determination to listen to oneself. At this point in time, this is what I feel in my heart is what I am supposed to do.
There are times when I want to fling things down to the coffee-sipping, al fresco-dining civilians I see from the office or to bite the heads off my bosses. But gone are the doubts -- is this right? is this all? -- and the constant desire to leave. No more throwing up of hands in attempts to give up. I am ready to take the worse part along with the better. Not bad, really.
I just hope I don't eat my words on Monday.