Confidence...
I have a problem with it...
How come I can't be confident with myself? How come I have such a hard time believing in myself? How come other people believe in me? Bakit minsan mas naniniwala pa sila sa kakayahan ko?
I thought about it during my game earlier against La Salle Dasmariñas... Coach Brax put me in midfield...well it kind of overwhelmed me... It's such a big part to play... And he believes that i could play that part...but then i don't... Result? I messed up big time, allowing DLSD to score their first goal... During half time, he asked me what was going on with me? He said I wasn't like that before... I couldn't answer him, i was more confused than him. Then during second half, he put me in the striker position, and again I was surprised, but I played better. I had scoring opportunities, and God! I wish I could go back to that time again, 4minutes remaining when I kicked the ball, and it missed...aargh! We could have won, but then because of my mistake, the game was a draw. After the game, coach told us that he was right that we could play a really great game and that we were great players... and I still had a hard time accepting it...
Another time I thought about this was when I was in LS. LS is now training us with the console, and... I don't think I'm having a hard time with it. I now know how to use it... What's the problem then? Boarding, with you in charge of everything!!! I like to pick out the songs but ad libs...come on thera! You are usually good with it, in fact you are an expert with it lalo na kapag reportings sa school, but then when i'm near the console, or when i'm already sitting on the chair, wearing the headset, picking out the songs and stingers to play, ready to click the mouse, and press the ON button, I suddenly... God! What is happening to me? I get nervous, I lose my mind...i don't know what to say! And when I watch Amor, Deandra or Dan, they make it look so easy... I admit, I lack practice with the console...because I'm afraid to go near it. hahaha I don't know!!! Suddenly, I don't know why I joined LS...my original reason...I don't know what it is...
Football and LS are really important to me...I've been playing football for the past 7 years and I know that I have fun when I play it. LS gives me a whole new experiece about the media. I've met great people in these two events. I know they are important. But sometimes, thoughts suddenly rush into your mind, Why are you playing it? Will you still play football when you have a career? Why did I join LS? Was it because it had a connection with my course? Did I secretly want to be a dj? Or maybe I just wanted to see if I could make it..These thoughts bug you until you answer it, with conviction. I've been giving answers to my questions, but I'm not really confident with it. I'm just making up answers so that these thoughts could take a break from ransacking my mind.