The Art of Writing a Sex Scene, Part 2

[zelda_zee]

Thanks again to elliotsmelliot and to everyone who responded to the first part of this essay. My apologies for the delay in posting the conclusion of it.

Warning: essay includes frank discussion of sex and porn and lots of naughty words. Look on it as NC-17-rated meta.
Disclaimer: This essay is entirely subjective. I’m not trying to tell anyone how they ought

Comments

[falafel_musings]

Great great essay once again, zelda. This is all excellent advice that I shall definitely be taking on board!

If two characters are having sex and your POV character is ruminating about something about the relationship or her/his sexual history or her/his partner’s sexual history it can be distracting.

*blushes* Okay, I totally did this in my Baltar/Gaeta sex scene and I'm sure I've done it before. Yup, I did it in my Charlie/Bonnie/Greta threesome too, with a flashback to the old Driveshaft orgies *shakes head*. I don't know why I feel compelled to throw flashbacks into my sex scenes. Actually in my original fic many of my sex scenes come in the form of flashbacks or ruminations. I never really considered that it could be distracting and ruin the 'in the moment' feel of the sex scene. But you're right. I'll keep it in mind.

The best bet is to simply pay careful attention to your characters and your story and if you do, the rhythm of the scene will naturally take over. If you pay attention to that rhythm, it will carry you through and help you decide how much detail to go into, what to leave out and what to include and when to wrap things up.

I'm pleased you included a section on logistics! Thats something I struggle with a lot. My BSG fic beta really had to grill me over exactly 'whose hand is on who's cock now??', that sort of thing. I also have a terrible time with lube! I can write foreplay fine. In fact I think I probably write foreplay better than I write actual sex. But lube is one of those fiddly little details I can never seem to work in without it interupting the flow. But obviously it gets awkward (and uncomfortable) for your sex partners if you skip part lube too. Damn lube!

Oh! I loved your assessment of toes 'Pick me back up again'. It's one of my favourite Lost slash fics and you're right that it is (bizarrely) SO in character. I think S&M sex actually fits with Desmond/Charlie's canon story in a weird way - if you start to imagine the flashes scenario as a safety game, in which Desmond both inflicts and controls the danger that surrounds Charlie. I'm kinda in love with the AU idea, that if Charlie had survived, he and Desmond could have used an S&M relationship to work through the baggage of that situation. Charlie is very Submissive to start with and after the flashes he would be thinking of Desmond as his tormentor/protector. I agree that Desmond would feel a little more awkward and uneasy about the Dominant role, but I can see him doing it to fulfil Charlie's needs. I also think once Desmond tried it he would find he was surprisingly good at it. But what I love most about toes fic is the adorable realism - Desmond researching S&M on the internet and Charlie's tickled reaction to their experiement, both of them keeping their sense of humor and being a little tongue in cheek about it. I just loved it!

In my own writing, I tend to lay it on heavy, lots of overblown, unrealistic imagery and metaphors (or maybe similes, I can never remember which is which), run-on sentences, a regrettable overuse of adjectives, italics, dashes, ohs and unhs and wordsmushing, that kind of thing

Phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was writing comment porn for the BSG slashathon yesterday and I wrote an orgasm that I was describing like an apocalypse. I feared it would come off as completely overblown. Like I said before, I have trouble climaxing my sex scenes. It always feels like 'too little' or 'too much'. I can never get the balance right. I often cheat by writing up to the middle of the sex and then skipping to a 'later on, when they had finished' moment. I know, I'm so lame.

Thanks again for your sage sexpert advice!

[zelda_zee]

Thank you! I had a bitch of a time with parts of this one, so I'm glad if you found it interesting.

Hmm, I did read your Charlie/Bonnie/Greta fic but I don't remember the orgy flashback. With your Baltar/Gaeta fic I'm torn as to how that worked - you're talking about Baltar's vision, right? Because I do have to admit that when I was reading that it threw me out of the scene pretty completely (but then I was also unfamiliar with the characters and therefore ignorant of the fact that your POV character has visions, so I was pretty confused). I had to read that part over a couple of times to figure out what was going on - and it did kind of 'cover up' a fair amount of the action in the sex scene - at a rather crucial juncture (we never did find out whether Felix came or not - though I got the impression that maybe that wasn't important to Baltar). But on the other hand, there was that line that the character in the vision said - about this being politics not love, or something like that - and that was important to communicate and relevant to the scene. I think maybe it could have happened right after the sex, rather than in the middle, but then Baltar is probably most open to having a vision when his guard is down, as it would be in the midst of sex. So imo, it's a toss-up, yes, it was kind of jarring but it also seemed like it needed to be there. I guess I would wonder if it could have worked equally well following the sex, is all.

Betas can be so helpful on stuff like logistics. Because honestly, it's hard to get everything you want into a sex scene. There always seems to be so damn much going on! A lot of times who's hand goes where and that sort of thing gets forgotten. I do think it's like the foundation though - if you don't have it down, no matter how much excellent characterization, hotness, emotion, etc that you pile of top of it your reader will still go BZUH?

Pick Me Back Up Again is such a good fic, and really well done when it comes to character. I couldn't think of a better example for how to keep someone in character in a sex scene, especially as reading it was a revelation to me personally. I wouldn't have thought such a believable case could have been made from Desmond in that role, but Shona just nailed it. Interesting assessment of the Des/Charlie relationship! Well, Shona's fic convinced me Desmond could have a knack for being a Dom, I'm not sure I would have thought so before. But now I could see it. I've always easily seen the potential for Charlie to be submissive, possibly because themoononastick's and lillyjk's Withdrawal series was one of the first things I read in the fandom (it's Charlie/Sayid D/s) and since then that role just seemed to fit him.

Ha-ha! Oh good lord, some of my orgasm writing is totally ridiculous! Don't worry about going OTT, mine are probably worse! And really, too much of a good thing can be wonderful, as Mae West said.

Oh, you cheater! *shakes head sadly* Well, it's always up to the writer and a good fic can make up for it but skipping to the end is not my favorite thing when it comes to a sex scene. But that's just me, and you know how I am! ;)

ETA: I meant to add a word about lube, because yes, it's a pain, but it needs to be there in any fic where there's manfucking, unless you're going for rough and painful. I think the best way to deal with it is to embrace the whole prep/lube aspect of buttsecks and work it into your foreplay - if your scene is lengthy enough, that is. Fingering is hot (imho) or it can be, done right. It depends on the type of sex your characters are having really. If there's love/affection between them, fingering & prep can be so hot and loving and that whole thing of one character (the one who's topping) taking care of the other. Or, heh, my personal favorite, esp in D/s scenes, there's always self-fingering, GUH. Anyway, sometimes lube is just a necessary evil, but sometimes that whole aspect of the fic can be used to bump up the heat and/or the intimacy.

[falafel_musings]

With your Baltar/Gaeta fic I'm torn as to how that worked - you're talking about Baltar's vision, right? Because I do have to admit that when I was reading that it threw me out of the scene pretty completely

Well, with my Baltar/Gaeta there was also a flashback rumination on how Baltar had lost his virginity. As for the vision scene with Baltar, yup, you would need to watch the show to really understand that part. It's a major part of Baltar's character that he sees visions of the cylon Six almost constantly. She's like his imaginary friend and she often invades his mind at inappropriate times. It IS jarring. Even on the show it's jarring. It can bug me too. But it's a big part of Baltar's character so I try not to ignore it. From a story perspective it was important for Six to undermine the sex between Gaius/Felix (*sigh* it's a very doomed pairing). If you're reading for the sex I can see why it'd be v. frustrating! Yeah, it probably would've worked just as well post-sex. Maybe this comes down to my silly climaxing issues again?? *sigh* I'll try not to skip next time!

I've always easily seen the potential for Charlie to be submissive, possibly because themoononastick's and lillyjk's Withdrawal series was one of the first things I read in the fandom (it's Charlie/Sayid D/s) and since then that role just seemed to fit him.

I love that series! Have you got a link to it? I'd love to reread sometime. I also love the idea of Sayid/Charlie D/s. It's even a little bit canon I feel. I'm thinking of the scene in 'The Whole Truth' when Charlie turns over his gun to Sayid and then smiles smugly to Ana Lucia like he's really really pleased about being Sayid's bitch. Well, I love the Sayid/Charlie pairing in general. I think I would've written it more if Desmond/Charlie hadn't taken me over storywise. I once wrote a hardcore Sayid/Charlie interrogation scene, which was part of a Gen story, but (privately, in my dirty little mind) it was a bit of D/s moment. Sayid's an awesome Dom. He's an awesome Sub too. He's just all round sexually awesome!

Oh, you cheater! *shakes head sadly* Well, it's always up to the writer and a good fic can make up for it but skipping to the end is not my favorite thing when it comes to a sex scene. But that's just me, and you know how I am!

I think you're the one in the right here. I just have a BAD habit of flaking out on my sex scenes.

[zelda_zee]

I went back to your fic and the virginity bit was only a couple of sentences. I don't think it was that distracting. Plus, your POV character appears to be very self-centered. It doesn't seem a stretch that he'd tend to be thinking about himself when he ought to be thinking of his partner.

Really, I didn't have an issue with the vision. It's not like I need sex-focused porn all the time. I respect a story that uses sex as an important plot element. I think the only thing that really niggled was wanting to know if Felix had had an orgasm or not. It seemed kind of important to the dynamic between the two to know that.

Oh, Withdrawal was so fun. And dirty! It was my first time reading Sayid as a Dom. Needless to say, I found the idea captivating.

I adored that scene on the show where Charlie disses Ana and hands Sayid the gun. God bless Dom, he really is brilliant at imbuing pretty much anything he wants with sexual subtext.

There are 5 Withdrawal fics (I think that's all of them) linked at ficonastick, themoononastick's fic comm. Click on her Charlie/Sayid tag and scroll to the bottom.

Sayid's an awesome Dom. He's an awesome Sub too. He's just all round sexually awesome!

LOL! I couldn't agree more!

[falafel_musings]

I think the only thing that really niggled was wanting to know if Felix had had an orgasm or not.

LOL! Bless you for caring about Felix's orgasm more than Gaius did! (he is a very selfish egotistical character, I'm ashamed to be a Baltar fan, I really am) Well, Felix did have an orgasm, hence why he was all woobie and snuggly afterwards. Thats another thing I need to keep in mind. I kinda pressumed the reader would know an orgasm had taken place without me needing to highlight it. Thats another slash-novice error I'll take note of.

Thanks for the link and the beta offer! I'll be in touch.