(no subject)
So...I've realized I can never be serious about my posts anymore. I just posted a long one saying how frustrated I am with life, how much I hate and resent everyone else, etc. Then I decided to delete it, because it was really mean to many people that I honestly don't care about. I just didn't want my friends to see the other side of me, the rotten side I've developed. But really, the reason I wrote the post was because the things people take for granted, they bother me! I've never been happy in that way. I always told myself that if I could be, I would never forget my friends and I would look out for them. But now, as things stand...I never got the chance to prove what I good person I could be. Now I'm just twisted and angry inside, jealous of everyone because they weren't cursed like I was. I've stopped searching, honestly. I won't ever again because I'm just not meant for it, and I'm more comfortable not worrying about silly things like that, for now.
Continuing on, I'm not even sure if I have any real friends. I mean, they say "we'll hang out," but do they really expect ME to call and arrange anything? I can't do that kind of thing, it would feel wrong--because I'd be the one doing it. I asked one girl to the mall, once. That was the most I ever did. And it went well, she helped me choose some clothes, and I didn't think anything else of it. But I couldn't do it again. And when someone does ask me to do something or go somewhere, it's always with a group, and they were asking everyone else anyway. I'd like to do something individually, that's where I'm best. I don't know, the whole group thing doesn't actually work well for me.
Just one and one. That's how it was in the good old days. Me and my best friend. We did so much fun stuff together, and our imaginations seemed to be tied together. "Cut from the same cloth," heh. Sighhhhhhh
But I miss those days and know they can never again be the same. So what am I supposed to do now? Just live and die by myself? I could get used to it, but it would never be quite the life I imagined.
I'm going to the play Friday by myself. I think one day I'll travel by myself, although I hate traveling. I really want to see the Phantom of the Opera in a theater, though, maybe in London or Paris. That Phantom really reminds me of me, in a way.
"Why, you ask, was I bound and chained in this cold and dismal place?!
Not for any mortal sin, but the wicknedness of my abhorrent face!"
He's twisted and hateful because of the way people treated him, all because of his disfigurement. I can relate.
Random, slightly, I have been. Well, I'll continue later. It's hard to get all your thoughts out in one sitting.
Continuing on, I'm not even sure if I have any real friends. I mean, they say "we'll hang out," but do they really expect ME to call and arrange anything? I can't do that kind of thing, it would feel wrong--because I'd be the one doing it. I asked one girl to the mall, once. That was the most I ever did. And it went well, she helped me choose some clothes, and I didn't think anything else of it. But I couldn't do it again. And when someone does ask me to do something or go somewhere, it's always with a group, and they were asking everyone else anyway. I'd like to do something individually, that's where I'm best. I don't know, the whole group thing doesn't actually work well for me.
Just one and one. That's how it was in the good old days. Me and my best friend. We did so much fun stuff together, and our imaginations seemed to be tied together. "Cut from the same cloth," heh. Sighhhhhhh
But I miss those days and know they can never again be the same. So what am I supposed to do now? Just live and die by myself? I could get used to it, but it would never be quite the life I imagined.
I'm going to the play Friday by myself. I think one day I'll travel by myself, although I hate traveling. I really want to see the Phantom of the Opera in a theater, though, maybe in London or Paris. That Phantom really reminds me of me, in a way.
"Why, you ask, was I bound and chained in this cold and dismal place?!
Not for any mortal sin, but the wicknedness of my abhorrent face!"
He's twisted and hateful because of the way people treated him, all because of his disfigurement. I can relate.
Random, slightly, I have been. Well, I'll continue later. It's hard to get all your thoughts out in one sitting.