Torchwood Rewatch Week 10
HOSHIT TEN WEEKS?!?! THAT'S TWO AND A HALF MONTHS.
WELCOME TO THE TENTH EDITION OF...
RESET AND DEAD MAN WALKING!
This episode starts out like any good Torchwood episode should: with Ianto CLEARLY reading a naughty magazine in the office.
Oh, wait. I'm wrong. There was some shit with a weevil first. But all of this is secondary to the fact that MARTHA FUCKING JONES is in the Hub!
I FUCKING LOVE MARTHA, YOU GUYS. HER HAIR IS SO CHIC. AND ALSO SHE AND TOSH NEED TO GET TOGETHER RIGHT-O, SEEING AS THEY BOTH KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING UNREQUITED LOVE FOR DOCTORS.
Also DUDE THEIR COMBINED PRETTY LEVEL IS OVER NINE THOUSANDDD
IRRELEVANT TO PREVIOUS LINE OF THOUGHT:
Oh, right. This episode has a plot. Anyway, Owen and Martha have a medical montage to that Gorillaz song I can never remember the name of.
Would this be a good time to admit my fetish for labcoats and goggles and SCIENCE? I think so.
Srsly, this is like porn to me.
Eventually they figure out that the source of the medical mystery is the bald guy from Ugly Betty. Jack and Owen go to meet him, and, Jack, being Jack, pisses him off.
Martha gets to go UNDERCOVER and Ianto says the famous "dabbling" line.
Also, Martha seems to have become my personal fandom bicycle. MARTHA/IANTO. IT SHOULD HAPPEN. THIS SCREENCAP INDICATES IT.
Srsly, analogous dress + HIPS CLEARLY POINT AT EACH OTHER = YESS
Anyway, some more Plot Stuff happens but I don't really care because Martha's separated from Torchwood and that makes shipping her with the entire damn team more difficult.
OH WHO AM I KIDDING I JUST WANT A TORCHWOOD ORGY WITH MARTHA THERE.
JOHN HART CAN COME TOO.
lol come
OH WAIT. Owen accepts a date from Tosh.
Bad move, dude. You should know your canon better than that. AGREEING TO DATE TOSH IS ACTUALLY A DEATHWISH.
Y HALLO THAR BONDAGE CHAIR
I fucking love Tosh.
AND GWEN.
Anyway, we all know where this is going. Owen gets shot.
IS THIS SHOT FORESHADOWING TOSH MUCH OR WHAT.
THEN THERE IS DEAD MAN WALKING! ANOTHER OWEN EPISODE! YAAAAY.
It occurs to me that despite Reset ALSO being an Owen Episode, I only have two caps of him. SORRY, BB. I'M SURE YOU'LL GET MORE SCREEN TIME NOW THAT I'M DONE FANGASMING OVER MARTHA/IANTO.
Actually, you're just going to get a lot of caps because this is the Jack/Owen episode. Except, as we all know, Owen/Ianto is the ship of my heart.
LOOK. LOOK HOW SAD IANTO IS. CLEARLY PROOF OF OWEN/IANTO. CLEARLY. flkjs
Oh wait, everybody else is sad too. I GUESS THAT JUST CANONIZES OWEN/EVERYONE WHICH MEANS MASS TORCHWOOD ORGY!!!
Okay seriously I'll stop with my excessive shipping nao.
BUT WAIT HOLD ON! GURNING PARTIES AREN'T ALLOWED UNLESS JACK'S THERE TO BE THE GURNIEST OF THEM ALL.
He goes and talks to that creepy little girl!
I TRUST IN THE ~HEART OF THE CARDS~
Jack also does some pre-gaming gurning while he's there.
HAVE SOME MOAR SAD IANTO. JUST TO CLEANSE YOUR PALETTE BEFORE OWEN!NIPPLES.
I WARNED YOU, DIDN'T I?
Also this is the intenseass Jack/Owen money shot mmmmyeah
SAD GWEN IS SAD
Oh, right. PLOT LOL. Owen is ~BACK FROM THE DEAD~ before he even cooled down all the way.
LOOK WE HAD A QUOTA OF JESUS-METAPHORS TO FILL THIS SEASON AND JACK JUST WASN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE!
SYMPATHETIC RHYS IS SYMPATHETIC.
ILU RHYS. SO. FUCKING. MUCH.
There's some more Owen/Jack happening after Owen's newfound Jesus syndrome happens to have some unwanted side effects.
I AM SKIPPING THE VOMIT SCENE BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS NASTAY AND I DON'T NEED IT IN MY TORCHWOOD REWATCH: MASS ORGY EDITION.
This part is legitimately sweet. All together now: d'awwwww.
THIS JUST IN: GWEN COOPER IS STILL FUCKING GORGEOUS.
Also, there appears to be some Mad Libs: Torchwood going on.
A synonym for Jack Harkness? Get rid of the N, there's a dear.
Then there's another legitimately touching scene because they're going to mummify Owen and he's packing his things up to die for the second time in twelve hours.
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. OWEN/IANTO. I'M TELLING YOU.
Then some shenanigans happen with the Risen Mitten 2.0.
NOOO THIS TOTALLY CLASHES WITH MY CHIC OUTFIT!
I think they all go to the hospital but the RLY GREAT shit happens when Owen fights Death.
Wait, I have to do what?
SHIT THEY WEREN'T KIDDING
And then the plot neatly resolves itself and then they all go home and have a TORCHWOOD ORGY.
No, seriously. I DID ALL THE PLOT. CAN HAZ ORGY NOW Y/Y?
~THE END~
WELCOME TO THE TENTH EDITION OF...
RESET AND DEAD MAN WALKING!
This episode starts out like any good Torchwood episode should: with Ianto CLEARLY reading a naughty magazine in the office.
Oh, wait. I'm wrong. There was some shit with a weevil first. But all of this is secondary to the fact that MARTHA FUCKING JONES is in the Hub!
I FUCKING LOVE MARTHA, YOU GUYS. HER HAIR IS SO CHIC. AND ALSO SHE AND TOSH NEED TO GET TOGETHER RIGHT-O, SEEING AS THEY BOTH KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING UNREQUITED LOVE FOR DOCTORS.
Also DUDE THEIR COMBINED PRETTY LEVEL IS OVER NINE THOUSANDDD
IRRELEVANT TO PREVIOUS LINE OF THOUGHT:
Oh, right. This episode has a plot. Anyway, Owen and Martha have a medical montage to that Gorillaz song I can never remember the name of.
Would this be a good time to admit my fetish for labcoats and goggles and SCIENCE? I think so.
Srsly, this is like porn to me.
Eventually they figure out that the source of the medical mystery is the bald guy from Ugly Betty. Jack and Owen go to meet him, and, Jack, being Jack, pisses him off.
Martha gets to go UNDERCOVER and Ianto says the famous "dabbling" line.
Also, Martha seems to have become my personal fandom bicycle. MARTHA/IANTO. IT SHOULD HAPPEN. THIS SCREENCAP INDICATES IT.
Srsly, analogous dress + HIPS CLEARLY POINT AT EACH OTHER = YESS
Anyway, some more Plot Stuff happens but I don't really care because Martha's separated from Torchwood and that makes shipping her with the entire damn team more difficult.
OH WHO AM I KIDDING I JUST WANT A TORCHWOOD ORGY WITH MARTHA THERE.
JOHN HART CAN COME TOO.
lol come
OH WAIT. Owen accepts a date from Tosh.
Bad move, dude. You should know your canon better than that. AGREEING TO DATE TOSH IS ACTUALLY A DEATHWISH.
Y HALLO THAR BONDAGE CHAIR
I fucking love Tosh.
AND GWEN.
Anyway, we all know where this is going. Owen gets shot.
IS THIS SHOT FORESHADOWING TOSH MUCH OR WHAT.
THEN THERE IS DEAD MAN WALKING! ANOTHER OWEN EPISODE! YAAAAY.
It occurs to me that despite Reset ALSO being an Owen Episode, I only have two caps of him. SORRY, BB. I'M SURE YOU'LL GET MORE SCREEN TIME NOW THAT I'M DONE FANGASMING OVER MARTHA/IANTO.
Actually, you're just going to get a lot of caps because this is the Jack/Owen episode. Except, as we all know, Owen/Ianto is the ship of my heart.
LOOK. LOOK HOW SAD IANTO IS. CLEARLY PROOF OF OWEN/IANTO. CLEARLY. flkjs
Oh wait, everybody else is sad too. I GUESS THAT JUST CANONIZES OWEN/EVERYONE WHICH MEANS MASS TORCHWOOD ORGY!!!
Okay seriously I'll stop with my excessive shipping nao.
BUT WAIT HOLD ON! GURNING PARTIES AREN'T ALLOWED UNLESS JACK'S THERE TO BE THE GURNIEST OF THEM ALL.
He goes and talks to that creepy little girl!
I TRUST IN THE ~HEART OF THE CARDS~
Jack also does some pre-gaming gurning while he's there.
HAVE SOME MOAR SAD IANTO. JUST TO CLEANSE YOUR PALETTE BEFORE OWEN!NIPPLES.
I WARNED YOU, DIDN'T I?
Also this is the intenseass Jack/Owen money shot mmmmyeah
SAD GWEN IS SAD
Oh, right. PLOT LOL. Owen is ~BACK FROM THE DEAD~ before he even cooled down all the way.
LOOK WE HAD A QUOTA OF JESUS-METAPHORS TO FILL THIS SEASON AND JACK JUST WASN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE!
SYMPATHETIC RHYS IS SYMPATHETIC.
ILU RHYS. SO. FUCKING. MUCH.
There's some more Owen/Jack happening after Owen's newfound Jesus syndrome happens to have some unwanted side effects.
I AM SKIPPING THE VOMIT SCENE BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS NASTAY AND I DON'T NEED IT IN MY TORCHWOOD REWATCH: MASS ORGY EDITION.
This part is legitimately sweet. All together now: d'awwwww.
THIS JUST IN: GWEN COOPER IS STILL FUCKING GORGEOUS.
Also, there appears to be some Mad Libs: Torchwood going on.
A synonym for Jack Harkness? Get rid of the N, there's a dear.
Then there's another legitimately touching scene because they're going to mummify Owen and he's packing his things up to die for the second time in twelve hours.
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. OWEN/IANTO. I'M TELLING YOU.
Then some shenanigans happen with the Risen Mitten 2.0.
NOOO THIS TOTALLY CLASHES WITH MY CHIC OUTFIT!
I think they all go to the hospital but the RLY GREAT shit happens when Owen fights Death.
Wait, I have to do what?
SHIT THEY WEREN'T KIDDING
And then the plot neatly resolves itself and then they all go home and have a TORCHWOOD ORGY.
No, seriously. I DID ALL THE PLOT. CAN HAZ ORGY NOW Y/Y?
~THE END~