Torchwood Rewatch Week 3
LATE AS USUAL.
SORRY GUYS! IT'S FATHER'S DAY, WHICH MEANT SEEING TOY STORY THREE (RECOMMENDED) AND THEN THE LONGEST SERIOUS TALKING TO ABOUT MY LACK OF ACADEMIC DRIVE SINCE AT LEAST CHRISTMAS (NOT RECOMMENDED).
ALSO, I HAVE 69 MESSAGES IN MY INBOX RIGHT NOW. HAHA. YES, I AM IN SECOND GRADE, WHY DO YOU ASK?
ANYWAY, WTIHOUT FURTHER ADO!
SMALL WORLDS AND COUNTRYCIDE!
Small Worlds is pretty great. It's got this old lady named Estelle.
She's pretty chill. She's got a cat named Moses.
Also, she was ~special friends~ with Jack's ~father.~ Chyeah.
Also, there are these things. Estelle thinks they are fairies, but Jack thinks they are (insert cheap joke about Ianto here).
Also, there is this sour-faced little girl!
I mean, I guess if I were almost sour-faced-little-girlnapped and had an asshole stepfather who runs a totalitarian house and builds fences like a machine, I would be pretty sour-faced and disinterested, too.
Seriously, the asshole stepfather puts up this fence in like five minutes. The mom is all NO MORE GOING TO THE WOODS TO PLAY WITH KILLER FAIRIES and then she dramatically runs to the fence and its like NOOOOO MY MAGICAL PLAY HOLE HAS BEEN PLUGGED!
...Please don't take that out of context.
Anyway, then we have Countrycide, which I LOVE LIKE CAKE. I like to imagine that Jack was drinking out of one of his numerous "Worst Boss Ever" mugs and suddenly had an IDEA!
It probably looked like this:
AN IDEA! I HAS ONE! IANTO, TO THE BATCAVE PLACE WHERE WE KEEP CAMPING SUPPLIES!
Anyway, he probably sat there and said to himself, I KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT TEAM BONDING EXPERIENCE. A TEAM CAMPING TRIP! THERE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY NO CANNIBALS, AND WE COULD ALL SIT AROUND AND ROAST MARSHMALLOWS AND LIKE GIVE EACH OTHER PEDICURES AND SHIT. ALSO MAYBE IANTO WOULD BLOW ME IN THE WOODS! THAT WOULD CERTAINLY BE A NICE CHANGE OF PACE.
As a shameless opportunist like Jack, I can certainly sympathize with his reasoning behind this. I mean, if I saw an opportunity to make s'mores, get a free pedicure, and get blown by my hot Welsh sexretary all in one weekend, I'd certainly do it!
HAHA THAT'S NOT A TYPO, YOU GUYS! GET IT? SEXRETARY? BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOTS OF SEX? THAT'S A++ MATERIAL THERE.
But of course, nothing ever goes according to Jack's plans. This asshole kid had to shoot Gwen:
And Ianto and Tosh had to get captured by these guys:
I mean, with Gwen and Ianto and Tosh down, Jack's chances of marshmallows and pedicures and getting blown in the woods were pretty minimal. Owen seems like the kind of guy who doesn't do marshmallows or pedicures or head in the woods.
Not into pedicures or s'mores or blowing Jack in the woods.
I mean, maybe if you got enough booze in him first, but Jack certainly did not plan to have only him to work with and thus did not bring the requisite amount of booze. So Jack gets kind of pissed and eviscerates this guy or something:
Jack's Angry!Face
The guy he eviscerates to (I'm assuming) find out where the cunning cannibals are hiding in the town with like three buildings.
And then he shoots everyone else in the face.
AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE TIME TORCHWOOD WENT CAMPING AND JACK ADDED A PLETHORA OF NEW "WORST BOSS EVER" MUGS TO HIS COLLECTION.
Okay, I'm done bastardizing Torchwood now. SEE WHAT SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY DOES TO ME.
HAHA NOT REALLY.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR GREEKS BEARING GIFTS AND THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE!
SORRY GUYS! IT'S FATHER'S DAY, WHICH MEANT SEEING TOY STORY THREE (RECOMMENDED) AND THEN THE LONGEST SERIOUS TALKING TO ABOUT MY LACK OF ACADEMIC DRIVE SINCE AT LEAST CHRISTMAS (NOT RECOMMENDED).
ALSO, I HAVE 69 MESSAGES IN MY INBOX RIGHT NOW. HAHA. YES, I AM IN SECOND GRADE, WHY DO YOU ASK?
ANYWAY, WTIHOUT FURTHER ADO!
SMALL WORLDS AND COUNTRYCIDE!
Small Worlds is pretty great. It's got this old lady named Estelle.
She's pretty chill. She's got a cat named Moses.
Also, she was ~special friends~ with Jack's ~father.~ Chyeah.
Also, there are these things. Estelle thinks they are fairies, but Jack thinks they are (insert cheap joke about Ianto here).
Also, there is this sour-faced little girl!
I mean, I guess if I were almost sour-faced-little-girlnapped and had an asshole stepfather who runs a totalitarian house and builds fences like a machine, I would be pretty sour-faced and disinterested, too.
Seriously, the asshole stepfather puts up this fence in like five minutes. The mom is all NO MORE GOING TO THE WOODS TO PLAY WITH KILLER FAIRIES and then she dramatically runs to the fence and its like NOOOOO MY MAGICAL PLAY HOLE HAS BEEN PLUGGED!
...Please don't take that out of context.
Anyway, then we have Countrycide, which I LOVE LIKE CAKE. I like to imagine that Jack was drinking out of one of his numerous "Worst Boss Ever" mugs and suddenly had an IDEA!
It probably looked like this:
AN IDEA! I HAS ONE! IANTO, TO THE BATCAVE PLACE WHERE WE KEEP CAMPING SUPPLIES!
Anyway, he probably sat there and said to himself, I KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT TEAM BONDING EXPERIENCE. A TEAM CAMPING TRIP! THERE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY NO CANNIBALS, AND WE COULD ALL SIT AROUND AND ROAST MARSHMALLOWS AND LIKE GIVE EACH OTHER PEDICURES AND SHIT. ALSO MAYBE IANTO WOULD BLOW ME IN THE WOODS! THAT WOULD CERTAINLY BE A NICE CHANGE OF PACE.
As a shameless opportunist like Jack, I can certainly sympathize with his reasoning behind this. I mean, if I saw an opportunity to make s'mores, get a free pedicure, and get blown by my hot Welsh sexretary all in one weekend, I'd certainly do it!
HAHA THAT'S NOT A TYPO, YOU GUYS! GET IT? SEXRETARY? BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOTS OF SEX? THAT'S A++ MATERIAL THERE.
But of course, nothing ever goes according to Jack's plans. This asshole kid had to shoot Gwen:
And Ianto and Tosh had to get captured by these guys:
I mean, with Gwen and Ianto and Tosh down, Jack's chances of marshmallows and pedicures and getting blown in the woods were pretty minimal. Owen seems like the kind of guy who doesn't do marshmallows or pedicures or head in the woods.
Not into pedicures or s'mores or blowing Jack in the woods.
I mean, maybe if you got enough booze in him first, but Jack certainly did not plan to have only him to work with and thus did not bring the requisite amount of booze. So Jack gets kind of pissed and eviscerates this guy or something:
Jack's Angry!Face
The guy he eviscerates to (I'm assuming) find out where the cunning cannibals are hiding in the town with like three buildings.
And then he shoots everyone else in the face.
AND THAT'S THE STORY OF THE TIME TORCHWOOD WENT CAMPING AND JACK ADDED A PLETHORA OF NEW "WORST BOSS EVER" MUGS TO HIS COLLECTION.
Okay, I'm done bastardizing Torchwood now. SEE WHAT SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY DOES TO ME.
HAHA NOT REALLY.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR GREEKS BEARING GIFTS AND THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE!