(no subject)

Sep 01, 2009 18:11

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I can't shake this nervous feeling in my stomach.
It just won't go away. I feel as if I'm afraid of everything.
I always seem to think something bad is going to happen.
And I'll just sit there and think of every possible bad outcome of every situation.
I don't want to do anything but I know I should. It's getting harder and harder to get up everyday.
Then it comes time to sleep and just forget about it all.
But once I lay down more thoughts come.
I'm failing at everything I do. I'm just a burden to everyone. I will no doubt amount to nothing.
And the thoughts don't stop. So I lay there and I think, & I think, & I just don't stop thinking.
When the dreams finally do kick in they're always nightmares. Dreams in which I can't wake up.
Dreams in which I keep getting trapped or stuck in horrible situations and all my friends watch and no one helps me. I need the help.
I can't get out and I scream and scream but everyone just stares and laughs. Why are they laughing?
So I'll wake up in the middle of the night and the cycle starts again.
What could be wrong with me? I can never seem to get anything right.
I'll sit there and think of all the good I have and then the negativity hits me again.
I just can't seem to get out of my head. I just want these thoughts to stop and they just won't.
I just want to be happy again but I don't know what  I'm doing.
I understand growing up is really hard, but is it supposed to eat at you until the point you feel like a nervous wreck all the time?
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