(no subject)
it's been a year since i left greensboro. a year since a fled a life i had started building six years before and that started falling apart after a car accident that shattered so many lives.
i'm not sad i left the 'boro. i had stayed and done my time. i was standing still... stagnating. that's something angela has always been dead set against, and i thought that i was totally suited for it, seeing as how i completely fear change. but it turns out, that while i am good at routine, i am definately not good at accepting the limits that are being placed on me and stagnating.
everytime i would visit alexandria, i would feel alive. i would see angela. i was trained to be a server and picked up shifts at the alexandria outback and everybody totally embraced me. i wasn't running around in circles about boys that i didn't and would never ever have. i would let my dog run around in the back yard and just be happy.
and when i returned to g'boro sometime in january or february, i met shannon and dre at stumblestiltskins. when i walked in, they said that i was absolutely glowing. and i know i was, because home had reenergized me. shortly afterward, i made the decision that i couldn't stomach living with dre anymore, and that i couldn't change for shannon. so i had to go. i had to go back to a place that loved me and wanted me, and away from this place where my job wouldn't let me move and all of my friends (except a few special ones) didn't even know me anymore.
so in march i made my triumphant return to alexandria, VA. my triumphant return to angela, loren, mom, stephen, kevin, and an outback that wanted to help me go places.
so what has changed since then:
THE BAD:
*angela and i rarely found time for each other, but not due to lack of trying on either part. she is day and i am night and we could rarely find that balance at dusk. not that i love her any less, but it just wasn't what i expected it to be when i got home. and while i understand and now accept what happened, at the time it was a blow to this new life i was trying to start.
*where the fuck was loren?
*mom soon got sick of me, and i moved out by august.
*my brother drove me nuts because he had a self righteous attitude and thought that my moving back home was sponging off the family.
*my dad and i cannot coexisit in a living situation anymore.
*kevin was my rock for a bit. but he drifted, as so many often do, and found a friend, and sometimes i feel like a replacement for me in our friend jenn. i liked that he found a soul to squeeze... i just wish i had been involved.
however, far more importantly,
THE GOOD:
*the outback i started working at kept giving me promotion after promotion. the saw that i could be good at everything, not just one thing they wanted me to stay in. i'm teh Front of House Training Coordinator, bitch.
*i found maureen, who was the best friend a girl who had no one could have. we clung to and protected each other. and i needed that when i got back.
*me moving out brought me and my mom together like no other.
*i found a new, amazing, yet often infuriating group of friends. i know mooches and piercers and slutbags and superhumans and nutcases and drunks and potheads and tattoo artists and mechanics and hackers and hippies and e-tards and car salesmen and man whores and so many people that i am blessed to know, whether i want to cut of their heads or not.
*i paid off all my debts.
*i have found this guy. this guy that makes me feel so alive. that's the only way to put it: alive. vinnie is love.
in closing, i have changed a lot. my space and my way and my responsibility level is completely different.
and in this experiment, we have found that while heather fears change, change does not fear heather. in fact, it embraces her. it comforts her. and it makes her better. version 2.4EVER.
i'm not sad i left the 'boro. i had stayed and done my time. i was standing still... stagnating. that's something angela has always been dead set against, and i thought that i was totally suited for it, seeing as how i completely fear change. but it turns out, that while i am good at routine, i am definately not good at accepting the limits that are being placed on me and stagnating.
everytime i would visit alexandria, i would feel alive. i would see angela. i was trained to be a server and picked up shifts at the alexandria outback and everybody totally embraced me. i wasn't running around in circles about boys that i didn't and would never ever have. i would let my dog run around in the back yard and just be happy.
and when i returned to g'boro sometime in january or february, i met shannon and dre at stumblestiltskins. when i walked in, they said that i was absolutely glowing. and i know i was, because home had reenergized me. shortly afterward, i made the decision that i couldn't stomach living with dre anymore, and that i couldn't change for shannon. so i had to go. i had to go back to a place that loved me and wanted me, and away from this place where my job wouldn't let me move and all of my friends (except a few special ones) didn't even know me anymore.
so in march i made my triumphant return to alexandria, VA. my triumphant return to angela, loren, mom, stephen, kevin, and an outback that wanted to help me go places.
so what has changed since then:
THE BAD:
*angela and i rarely found time for each other, but not due to lack of trying on either part. she is day and i am night and we could rarely find that balance at dusk. not that i love her any less, but it just wasn't what i expected it to be when i got home. and while i understand and now accept what happened, at the time it was a blow to this new life i was trying to start.
*where the fuck was loren?
*mom soon got sick of me, and i moved out by august.
*my brother drove me nuts because he had a self righteous attitude and thought that my moving back home was sponging off the family.
*my dad and i cannot coexisit in a living situation anymore.
*kevin was my rock for a bit. but he drifted, as so many often do, and found a friend, and sometimes i feel like a replacement for me in our friend jenn. i liked that he found a soul to squeeze... i just wish i had been involved.
however, far more importantly,
THE GOOD:
*the outback i started working at kept giving me promotion after promotion. the saw that i could be good at everything, not just one thing they wanted me to stay in. i'm teh Front of House Training Coordinator, bitch.
*i found maureen, who was the best friend a girl who had no one could have. we clung to and protected each other. and i needed that when i got back.
*me moving out brought me and my mom together like no other.
*i found a new, amazing, yet often infuriating group of friends. i know mooches and piercers and slutbags and superhumans and nutcases and drunks and potheads and tattoo artists and mechanics and hackers and hippies and e-tards and car salesmen and man whores and so many people that i am blessed to know, whether i want to cut of their heads or not.
*i paid off all my debts.
*i have found this guy. this guy that makes me feel so alive. that's the only way to put it: alive. vinnie is love.
in closing, i have changed a lot. my space and my way and my responsibility level is completely different.
and in this experiment, we have found that while heather fears change, change does not fear heather. in fact, it embraces her. it comforts her. and it makes her better. version 2.4EVER.