o28. i'm not one of your little toys;
[OOC: This is the rather more rational of Briseis' temper, carried over from the first part of the event. In all fairness, Electra was right; you can't just stop at the screaming. And yes, she is being mildly vindictive. AND WE'RE SORRY FOR THE SPAMMING.]
[Filtered away from Agamemnon and his kin (and Apollo; sorry).]
AchillesIgnoring, for the ( Read more... )
[Filtered away from Agamemnon and his kin (and Apollo; sorry).]
AchillesIgnoring, for the ( Read more... )
Point number: You do not get to be the self righteous one. You do not get to be the one who speaks to me in a condescending tone. So get off your pedestal or else you're going to get it kicked out from underneath you.
Point two, who can tell what your state of mind is any more. How many times have you gotten angry recently or shut yourself out or shown other bipolar reactions? How many times have I come to comfort you? Every time. Even with everything that has happened over the past few days, I told you we would talk more in person,. When you were wailing and shrieking, I went to check on you.
It's funny, people call me selfish but you are by far the more selfish between us. I have been there for you break down after break down. I asked you to be my wife even when you went on about how you were not enough for me, because I love you did not believe it to be true. Many other men, some of these men you are so keen on, have dismissed their former lovers with a wave of a hand. When you spoke of going to school, did I say no and try to keep you locked up in your so called gilded cage? No, I did not. I encouraged you to go to school. I encouraged the career you had before, I did not ask you to give it up. I became friends with the people at your work, I did ask them to step aside.
The only people I have asked you to not associate with are those who are my enemies. The god you revere is the same god who murdered me and attacked me a few days ago in a underhanded manner. I wanted you to filter your thoughts from Electra, you claim she would see that you were being effected but if she never saw anything, she wouldn't know how you are feeling and it's not being 'effected', it's showing some gods be damned respect to your husband. It seems your friendships mean more than that. If Patroclus spoke to you the way Andromache spoke to me, attacked you like Apollo attacked me, I would not get angry at you but you do not return that kindness.
Like you said however, you apparently do not care. I am not sure when you turned out to be such a selfish creature but I hope that before you respond to this, you take a damned good look at yourself and your own actions.
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Not once did I call you selfish. I argued against that because you already had a wife and child and it has never been considered socially acceptable for royalty to steal off with a foreign wife--I was thinking about your reputation, not my own. Gods, I have no reputation to speak of unless it is related to you. And I've mentioned nothing about putting limitations on my physical movement, Achilles, you know very well I was referring to people.
akjfhsakdjhsaf What men am I 'keen on'? Have I given you reason to question my fidelity? And it was Paris who killed you, not the Sun God. For his most recent actions, I am sorry, but his worship is all I have ever known--it is not something I can just switch off. I know nothing of what Andromache said to you past that one comment, but she was not herself! Neither was I. If my judgement regarding the filters was poor, then... I made a mistake. It won't happen again because I will filter everything. But curses aside, I have done nothing but show you respect--refusing to burden you with my own problems, keeping myself out of your business with Polyxena, holding my tongue whenever required.
You're sdkhsdghdsg You're missing the point.
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Instead of taking those pills, you could speak with me. Yes, when you first asked me about it, I was angry. That is a normal reaction. I calmed and you could have spoken to me again but instead you choose to try and ignore your problems. Instead you choose to let a pathetic man like Agamemnon bully you and Electra to jerk you around. Now you are growing a spine but it is with the wrong person. Tell me, have I ever done anything to taint our marriage bed? No but you are so quick to condemn me.
Apollo was the one who killed me. Who do you think was the one who made it possible for Paris to be able to shoot my arrow? Apollo guided the arrow, without his help, Paris would have been unsuccessful. That however, seems to be fine with you. Which is taking disrespect to a whole new level. By refusing to 'burden' me with your problems, it has caused more problems. You've spoken your tongue plenty. We have had plenty of arguments in the past and not once after wards have I demanded that you keep your thoughts to yourself. When it comes to Andromache, you are making yourself out to be a hypocrite. I go back to my earlier point when I said I was angry and that's why I did not wish to speak about Polyxena. Polyxena had just arrived and my emotions were running high, I was not myself. When someone is going through intense emotions, it changes them. Do I get any understanding or forgiveness for that? No. But when your friend attacks me and it 'wasn't her fault', there is forgiveness for her. Cronus did not make her come up with any of those attacks, they were already in her mind. Whatever he did just made her more likely to speak her mind.
I have not missed the point, your reading comprehension seems to be suffering. I knew that there was something wrong with you, which is why I told you over the journals I would speak with you when I arrived home, rather than argue over the journal. The only thing I find 'unfortunate' is that it took Cronus casting some spell over you, to make you be honest to me.
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I Do you ... Do you have any idea how--how hard it is for me to talk? The last time I admitted anything, I threw the coffee jar at Patroclus. And I don't know why he--they get under my skin and just... stay there. And I don't know if you have or if you haven't; the only time I tried to ask you about anything, you shut me down! Which, out of respect, I took as a sign to stop asking. You tell me to talk to you, but you don't tell me anything either. Is this what it takes for us to talk, Achilles?
I wasn't on the battlefield, I wouldn't know. And I did not mean to say that made it alright. Nothing makes your death "alright".
I thought I was helping! Wives are not supposed to argue back. I was trying to be good enough--to prove myself wrong.
And... you have the right of it; neither you or Andromache were yourselves. Both deserve forgiveness. But I still mistakenly believed you did not wish to speak of her at all. So I stayed quiet.
I am not strong enough to say this to your face, Achilles.
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You are not the only one that struggles Briseis, let me give you some perspective.
I died. My death was not a painless one, my death was not a slow one. It was excruciating and seemed to draw out even longer than the war itself. I never got to see my only son fight in his first battle. I never got to pass my spear and my spear to him, like my father did to me. Someone else gave him the armor I wore in battle. My best friend was murdered because he was mistaken for me. Those thoughts were in my mind as I watched my life fade before me. There was nothing I could do to stop that. There is no trauma like dying and then finding yourself alive again.
There is a difference between people like myself and yourself. There is a reason why I am the greatest hero Greece has ever known and why people still speak of my name with reverence thousands of years later. I overcome. I stand on my own two feet and I fight for what I want. I do not cower before Apollo after he guided that arrow. I do not bow down before the fallen Gods. After Patroclus died, I did not drop my sword and shield and drink to solve my problems. I took the life of the man who killed my lover, my dearest friend, my Patroclus. I brought the Trojans to their knees.
I will do the same to those who dare to oppose me now. I am not wasting the second chance at life I was given. My name will be song in glorious hymn again. My enemies will fall before me. You have a choice to make, Briseis. You can continue to waste the time we were given together by giving into the petty bullshit that Agamemnon and Electra spew at me. You can run away and hide with Andromache and be miserable and broken. Fade from the pages of history again
Or you can step up and strive for greatness. Walk beside me or fall behind me. Regardless of what you choose, I continue down my new path of glory.
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Perspective?
I lost everything I have ever loved, and I lost it twice. Both families killed. The fact you returned doesn't change any impact that might have had on me.
No, love. There is no difference between you and me save gender, life experience and opportunity.
... I think that was the third time. I love you, Achilles, but I do not think I can be the wife you expect me to be.
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I'll be out by the end of the week.
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