right in the boat hole

[theposhbeeyotch]

works sapping my life force out. i feel like those ethiopian kids, you know, the ones with all the flies on them. or that painting, scream. im avoiding doing like three essays, which will basically determine whether i pass this class or not. i know deep down they must be done, but i just dont feel like it, i dont feel like doing anything. whatever ambition i had like a month ago is long gone, it ran away with the dish and the spoon. unfortunately i seem perfectly content doing absolutely nothing. i got the first season of lost on dvd for my birthday, and watching it makes me want to become a doctor. like this one guy has saved like thirty people, its kinda inspiring. but i guess you have to be pretty determined to be a doctor, im pretty sure i could do it, but im just so damn lazy. i mean, i can see it now, i gotta pull out a brain tumor, but i dont feel like it, ill do it later, oh the girls dead? ugh, ill write the time of death when im done doing nothing. triple bypass surgery? cant the guy do it himself? im busy eating chips man. that dude got shot? well tell him to wait, this shows almost over. but id get laid all the time, chicks dig doctors, this is fact. and dr. sam has an adorable ring to it. i just get the feeling like all this potential is going to waste, and for what? its like not going to an awards show, that you know youve won, because you dont feel like putting on pants. im pretty sure i could have come up with a better analogy, but again, the archery master of laziness shoots another arrow of unambitious from his bow of apathy into the heart of what could be desire. that was stupid, but you get the idea. i need to reaffirm my goals, redirect my focus. i bought awesome shoes today, hopefully i can wear them when i decide to go outside. whenever that might be.
im gonna regret this entry, i hate sounding unsure. i may delete it.

i want adventure, i want change. i want a goal in life.
its nice to dream. too bad dreams are for losers.