where do i go from here
I am alone in my room revising my works for creative writing. My mom calls. She tells me that the chemotherapy my brother is on now isn't working. isn't working. these words resonate in my skull. mom explains that there are two other treatment options that might work for him, so we shouldn't lose hope yet. then she says that he had an MRI of his leg because the other side of his hip is causing him pain now. it might just be because of the surgery he had on his other hip last month, and maybe it's just the muscularture readjusting itself. is there the possibility that he has another tumor there? maybe. two more options. maybe another bone tumor. hope? i don't know how to react to this now. i'm sick of learning about this stuff, can't he just get better? i feel so selfish being in college and him in the hospital. i'm experiencing life when he's in surgery. it's not fair. i need some time to process this. my stomach hurts. and then there's the question, what do we do when hope is lost? what if these options don't work either? is it just gonna be like a, 'hey we did all we can but you're going to die' thing? thats what they told my aunt last month. she had cancer too, and theres nothing more they can do for her. also what the hell would i do in life without my brother? ugh. too many questions, no answers. i hate this.
also i hate it when my mom tries to change the subject from 'oh hi honey his chemo isn't working' to 'hey how's your shoulder and vision'. mom, it doesn't matter. i feel like it's more of a subject change than an attempt at caring. don't bother.
also i hate it when my mom tries to change the subject from 'oh hi honey his chemo isn't working' to 'hey how's your shoulder and vision'. mom, it doesn't matter. i feel like it's more of a subject change than an attempt at caring. don't bother.