OK.
For some reason I had my livejournal account confused with my blogger account... I tried logging in using my blogger information, and started freaking out because I thought that someone had hacked and gobbled up all my personal ramblings... only to spew it back out publicly... Just goes to show how paranoid I get sometimes...
Do you ever have those days where you're feeling really happy. You're loving life, and feel unstoppable. Then out of left field one of your friends pulls you aside and says, "hey man is everything ok?" or, "you havent been looking too good lately, is something wrong?" Then you replay with a, "Geez I think I'm ok"... or a "Yeah Im doing good, I think". They leave you hangin, and you walk away askin yourself questions like, "Man is everything really ok? I must not be ok! But what If I am, wouldn't I be sure of it... and wouldn't others see that?"
I hate it when this happens. because 50% percent of the time they're wrong, and you're genuinely doing good. I hate it even more, when deep down inside... I know they're right.
The truth is, I'm not doing good.
Yes, I'm going to UTEP. Yes, Im playing music. Yes, life seems good. But beneath the surface lies a child, whos innocence has been taken away. I'm like a war victim waiting for a hero to come and tell me that everything is going to be ok. My life is a constant struggle between my spirit and my flesh. I feel like Im walking this narrow line, where everything around me seems fake, I just want something real.
I feel like I'm infected with a parasite thats sucking the life outta me. And no matter how hard I try, my efforts and cries just arent loud or strong enough!
I just want to be ok.
Do you ever have those days where you're feeling really happy. You're loving life, and feel unstoppable. Then out of left field one of your friends pulls you aside and says, "hey man is everything ok?" or, "you havent been looking too good lately, is something wrong?" Then you replay with a, "Geez I think I'm ok"... or a "Yeah Im doing good, I think". They leave you hangin, and you walk away askin yourself questions like, "Man is everything really ok? I must not be ok! But what If I am, wouldn't I be sure of it... and wouldn't others see that?"
I hate it when this happens. because 50% percent of the time they're wrong, and you're genuinely doing good. I hate it even more, when deep down inside... I know they're right.
The truth is, I'm not doing good.
Yes, I'm going to UTEP. Yes, Im playing music. Yes, life seems good. But beneath the surface lies a child, whos innocence has been taken away. I'm like a war victim waiting for a hero to come and tell me that everything is going to be ok. My life is a constant struggle between my spirit and my flesh. I feel like Im walking this narrow line, where everything around me seems fake, I just want something real.
I feel like I'm infected with a parasite thats sucking the life outta me. And no matter how hard I try, my efforts and cries just arent loud or strong enough!
I just want to be ok.