Free writing
I can't clasp my hands around you, now that I have found you. Its an absurd illusion, that there will be a conclusion worthy of my effort. Let me not be blinded by the idea of love, but instead guided by the reality of the world. Not that I have forsaken truth in love, but have since seen the cruelty of human interaction. The biggest pain to my heart however, is the inability to express myself freely. I can feel the sickness of my mind and body develop. My only salvation being creation. Expression has become my only necessity.
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He gazed into the sun. Stared long and had into its center, hoping to decode some truth in life, as it settled down over the horizon of the mountains. He discovered, that witnessing the beauties of nature, inspired new ideas in his mind. The novel thoughts confused him, for what relevance did they have to what he was visioning? What symbolism initiated the chain of thoughts into his mind? Why did any symbol even mean anything to him? If knowledge is inherited, what caused man to discover and create more? Why is it that the whole universe seems to just keep expanding and expanding, as do human minds? Why does the universe crave more and more? Is it possible that every though exist, and we simply tune into our very own specific frequencies, and possibly even share some? Perhaps when we discover the people with similar interest, we are merely like molecules attracting one another to build something larger. After all, we are made up of many molecules, atoms, proteins... But, what does our physical body and mental body share that creates our individuality? If love is just a reaction.. then what is its purpose? I feel that I can overcome any emotion, if I can maintain the right mindset, yet my body will continue to react in a certain way for some period of time, and mentally I will crush it. Its the small, seemingly poinltess things that I can not controll.. A desire for a drink? The urge to be with someone physically? These things seem meaningless to my existence, yet detrimental to my mental state of mind. Its really rather mundane to live in such a body that requires things that the mind does not. If I could exist as a sleepless, emotionless body, and instead pure mind in a sense.. Perhaps it would be more idea. When I imagine situations, I sometimes get very vivid visualizations, yet I can not see them for real. A mental picture is a very interesting thing. I can imagine all sorts of detail and all sorts of worlds and people... and seem to see them clearly. One can not help but to get lost day dreaming. Yet the modern world breaks the beauty of the mind into pointless existence. I suppose there is some deeper meaning.. but Day to day live will always seem to me as non beneficial to anyone or anything. So I am perplexed by the mortality I am faced with.. eager to die, to finally see the answer, and afraid that there might not be any and to give up my only life...
________________________________________________________________________________________________
He gazed into the sun. Stared long and had into its center, hoping to decode some truth in life, as it settled down over the horizon of the mountains. He discovered, that witnessing the beauties of nature, inspired new ideas in his mind. The novel thoughts confused him, for what relevance did they have to what he was visioning? What symbolism initiated the chain of thoughts into his mind? Why did any symbol even mean anything to him? If knowledge is inherited, what caused man to discover and create more? Why is it that the whole universe seems to just keep expanding and expanding, as do human minds? Why does the universe crave more and more? Is it possible that every though exist, and we simply tune into our very own specific frequencies, and possibly even share some? Perhaps when we discover the people with similar interest, we are merely like molecules attracting one another to build something larger. After all, we are made up of many molecules, atoms, proteins... But, what does our physical body and mental body share that creates our individuality? If love is just a reaction.. then what is its purpose? I feel that I can overcome any emotion, if I can maintain the right mindset, yet my body will continue to react in a certain way for some period of time, and mentally I will crush it. Its the small, seemingly poinltess things that I can not controll.. A desire for a drink? The urge to be with someone physically? These things seem meaningless to my existence, yet detrimental to my mental state of mind. Its really rather mundane to live in such a body that requires things that the mind does not. If I could exist as a sleepless, emotionless body, and instead pure mind in a sense.. Perhaps it would be more idea. When I imagine situations, I sometimes get very vivid visualizations, yet I can not see them for real. A mental picture is a very interesting thing. I can imagine all sorts of detail and all sorts of worlds and people... and seem to see them clearly. One can not help but to get lost day dreaming. Yet the modern world breaks the beauty of the mind into pointless existence. I suppose there is some deeper meaning.. but Day to day live will always seem to me as non beneficial to anyone or anything. So I am perplexed by the mortality I am faced with.. eager to die, to finally see the answer, and afraid that there might not be any and to give up my only life...