(no subject)
I am not sure why I feel compelled to inform the world that Josh and I broke up: and from the experience I have raised my standards. He was fun, and fascinating enough that we will be friends still....but he was not what I want in a lover. Not respectful, not artistically active, not kind enough, really. A good person, but for friendship. I think that if I stayed with him this long, it's because it WAS fun, in certain ways (you can decode that easily, I'm very sure), and it was a very, very good distraction from the things which usually plague my mind.
Of the things I've learned from the experience, it's that I am much more social than I have ever given myself credit for. I am not, will likely never be a conversationalist with people I have only just met, but I do enjoy the company of people, often. I do like going out, often. Josh was a person who made those things happen with a wonderful regularity: now I am faced with the task of making them happen myself, for myself. I am trying to meet it head on, taking initiatives that a year ago would have scared me, or, rather, intimidated me socially. Hanging out with new people from work after just meeting them. Going to art shows (even when I have no one to go with- shockingly I MEET PEOPLE.)
At any rate. I still feel that this is my year of opportunity and change, and am still working hard to keep changing, keep experiencing a life of interest.
So far so good.
And while the loneliness may hit, I am looking forward to it, in a way: I don't need to rely on anyone to exist, or to function. I can do these things for myself. I like it, but I don't need it, and I don't have to jump at the first sign of interest I receive, if it is not what I will enjoy. I can use this time to manage myself: pick and choose my nightlife and my study life. Create art in excess.
Lessons learned!
Of the things I've learned from the experience, it's that I am much more social than I have ever given myself credit for. I am not, will likely never be a conversationalist with people I have only just met, but I do enjoy the company of people, often. I do like going out, often. Josh was a person who made those things happen with a wonderful regularity: now I am faced with the task of making them happen myself, for myself. I am trying to meet it head on, taking initiatives that a year ago would have scared me, or, rather, intimidated me socially. Hanging out with new people from work after just meeting them. Going to art shows (even when I have no one to go with- shockingly I MEET PEOPLE.)
At any rate. I still feel that this is my year of opportunity and change, and am still working hard to keep changing, keep experiencing a life of interest.
So far so good.
And while the loneliness may hit, I am looking forward to it, in a way: I don't need to rely on anyone to exist, or to function. I can do these things for myself. I like it, but I don't need it, and I don't have to jump at the first sign of interest I receive, if it is not what I will enjoy. I can use this time to manage myself: pick and choose my nightlife and my study life. Create art in excess.
Lessons learned!