(no subject)
I'm not sure how to write this so I'll just give it straight from the heart. Over a time period that seems like a split second my life has been turned upside down. Women have always been the thing in my life that has been uncertain and caused me grief, while my future was always planned out and seemed certain. Over the past couple weeks I've been seeing an amazing girl and I feel really good about it. She honestly makes me happy. But, as of today, I have been denied to UCSB and Cal Poly and waiting on my third school UC Irvine. Being denied to Cal Poly has absolutly crushed me. I've always been told to do well in high school because I need to get in to a good college. Well I got a 3.778 GPA and worked hard doing so. What do I get for my efforts? An unreal feeling of rejection and failure. I feel so empty, as if all the work I've done thus far in my life is meaningless. People I know who I consider as smart as myself got in. So why not me? Is a 3.778 not good enough today? I had it all planned out. Got to Cal Poly, flight train while getting my degree, build up hours of flight time while I'm young and get in to the airlines. Now everything seems so uncertain. I could go to los po. A guy with a 2.0 who smokes weed and drinks every weekend can also go in to los po. So is all my hard work going to get me the same award as that guy? Is that unjust? It is. Incredibly so. I cannot get over it. This was my "American Dream" just like I learned in school. Learning. Ha. What bullshit that is. It means nothing. I'm too ashamed to talk to my family members. They were always so proud of me, but in the end I don't have anything to show for it. I've spent the last few hours rethinking my whole life and what I've done so far and what I need to do and I feel so lost and empty.