(no subject)
It is a little known and recently discovered fact that Abraham Lincoln was quite the party animal. Apparently, he was prone to getting intoxicated and sending telegraphs from his wild parties. Often these telegraphs were sent to close friends, razzing them about their absence. Here is a recently uncovered telegraph, published in the Journal of Presidential History, also know by the acronym NAMBLA:
Yo, Johnson! Sorry you couldn’t make it to my awesome post-war celebration. STOP
Guess you’re vag hurt too much to come out drinkin’. STOP
Yep, war’s over. Looks like clear sailing, for me and the blacks. STOP
This young actor was here earlier, and was all up in my grill. STOP
S’aight, though. One cock-punch and he went down. That’s the last I’ll see of Mr. Booth! STOP
Oh, Shit, Son! Grant just got here! Better watch him. STOP
Left an upper-decker in his outhouse at the last party. He owes me. STOP
His logs can choke a Motha’ Fuckin’ river. STOP
Yeah, boyeee! Clay just passed out in the corner. STOP
Little pussy just can’t hold his liquor. Gotta go. STOP
I am totally gonna’ lay some sac down on that chin. STOP
I never skip a chance to lay nut. STOP
Another telegram was send shortly after this one:
Andrew, dear friend, I forgot to mention something. STOP
You’re a huge vagisaurus. STOP
So, not only did President Lincoln invent the drunk dial, he also coined the phrases “lay nut” and “vagisaurus,” without which our civilization would be most impoverished. These revelations have deepened my respect for the man.
Yo, Johnson! Sorry you couldn’t make it to my awesome post-war celebration. STOP
Guess you’re vag hurt too much to come out drinkin’. STOP
Yep, war’s over. Looks like clear sailing, for me and the blacks. STOP
This young actor was here earlier, and was all up in my grill. STOP
S’aight, though. One cock-punch and he went down. That’s the last I’ll see of Mr. Booth! STOP
Oh, Shit, Son! Grant just got here! Better watch him. STOP
Left an upper-decker in his outhouse at the last party. He owes me. STOP
His logs can choke a Motha’ Fuckin’ river. STOP
Yeah, boyeee! Clay just passed out in the corner. STOP
Little pussy just can’t hold his liquor. Gotta go. STOP
I am totally gonna’ lay some sac down on that chin. STOP
I never skip a chance to lay nut. STOP
Another telegram was send shortly after this one:
Andrew, dear friend, I forgot to mention something. STOP
You’re a huge vagisaurus. STOP
So, not only did President Lincoln invent the drunk dial, he also coined the phrases “lay nut” and “vagisaurus,” without which our civilization would be most impoverished. These revelations have deepened my respect for the man.