Obligatory 2007 post.
I wish I had the discipline (or the guts) to do an end-of-year meme like Liz did, but I don't. So instead you get to read whatever I think belongs here.
So... this year's first post is going to be distinctly less heroic than the last. Not that 2006 was a completely shitty year - that would detract from the movies and the bowling alleys, the Fenway games and the (occasional) alcoholic beverages, the confessions and the secrets. There was enough good to get me to this point.
But at the same time, I think a lot of the bad gives me something to shoot for this year. I have feelings that have eluded definition up to this point, things that I can't sort out in my head, let alone describe aloud. There are relationships without parameters, and I can't decide if they need bounds or if they thrive without them. And there are even difficulties that have just recently popped up, and by an odd stroke of the calendar, they have become 2007's problem. No matter how you slice it, I've got my work cut out for me this coming year.
On top of all that, I feel the rush of the world coming at me in full force. The next semester at Bridgewater will be my last. The need for a real job is going to kick in, and though the opportunity is amazing, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave. The last group of kids that I can relate to will be going off to college, and we aren't even sure where yet, because it's only the first day of 2007. I could still be here in a year, or I could be in Seattle, or I could be gone completely.
The only promise I carry with me is that there are no promises, no guarantees, and generally no safety nets. There are some things I have to address, but I've got to swing hard or not swing at all. If I don't dive in headfirst, I won't really know.
And yet, drawing ever nearer with each passing day, whether I fight it or embrace it, is the one thing I can never reveal, the one thing that is unacceptable to admit, the one thing that would take my world and crush it in a clenched fist. Though my soul wants to scream it, my heart knows that it won't mean anything, and my brain knows it will destroy all I have worked to create. I wonder if I can bear the consequences... and yet I wonder if I can stand to go on like this any longer.
So yeah, I've got my work cut out for me. 2006 brought the challenges, and it's time I rose to meet them. At least now I know what I'm up against...
Myself.
My mind. My memories. The things I fear, and the things I love. The rest of the world can throw bricks and hammers at me, or it can throw pillows and candy. What matters is how I handle the things that happen to me. If I can't bite my lip and continue forward despite what goes on in my head, I'm finished.
I am my own worst enemy. And I need you, all of you. But this isn't a battle that can be won with hugs and well wishes. It's the one I fight alone, silently, on the days that I can stand to look in the mirror and face myself.
And it starts today.
So... this year's first post is going to be distinctly less heroic than the last. Not that 2006 was a completely shitty year - that would detract from the movies and the bowling alleys, the Fenway games and the (occasional) alcoholic beverages, the confessions and the secrets. There was enough good to get me to this point.
But at the same time, I think a lot of the bad gives me something to shoot for this year. I have feelings that have eluded definition up to this point, things that I can't sort out in my head, let alone describe aloud. There are relationships without parameters, and I can't decide if they need bounds or if they thrive without them. And there are even difficulties that have just recently popped up, and by an odd stroke of the calendar, they have become 2007's problem. No matter how you slice it, I've got my work cut out for me this coming year.
On top of all that, I feel the rush of the world coming at me in full force. The next semester at Bridgewater will be my last. The need for a real job is going to kick in, and though the opportunity is amazing, I'm not sure I'm ready to leave. The last group of kids that I can relate to will be going off to college, and we aren't even sure where yet, because it's only the first day of 2007. I could still be here in a year, or I could be in Seattle, or I could be gone completely.
The only promise I carry with me is that there are no promises, no guarantees, and generally no safety nets. There are some things I have to address, but I've got to swing hard or not swing at all. If I don't dive in headfirst, I won't really know.
And yet, drawing ever nearer with each passing day, whether I fight it or embrace it, is the one thing I can never reveal, the one thing that is unacceptable to admit, the one thing that would take my world and crush it in a clenched fist. Though my soul wants to scream it, my heart knows that it won't mean anything, and my brain knows it will destroy all I have worked to create. I wonder if I can bear the consequences... and yet I wonder if I can stand to go on like this any longer.
So yeah, I've got my work cut out for me. 2006 brought the challenges, and it's time I rose to meet them. At least now I know what I'm up against...
Myself.
My mind. My memories. The things I fear, and the things I love. The rest of the world can throw bricks and hammers at me, or it can throw pillows and candy. What matters is how I handle the things that happen to me. If I can't bite my lip and continue forward despite what goes on in my head, I'm finished.
I am my own worst enemy. And I need you, all of you. But this isn't a battle that can be won with hugs and well wishes. It's the one I fight alone, silently, on the days that I can stand to look in the mirror and face myself.
And it starts today.