cant sleep
so its 4 am and i cannot sleep
today i worked, and kicked ass at it.
then after work i went to my uncle tom and aunt jo's for dinner.
on the way there, i passed so many things from my child hood.
i passed a little park next to the rouge river where my dad used to take me fishing
then i went by an old decrepid fruit stand that used to be operated by a man named bob, and my mom used to get produce there all the time.
i even passed by my childhood home, if i wouldnt have seen the 8223 on the house i wouldnt have known it was mine, so much had changed.
i passed by one of my old friends houses, i thought he moved, cause his house looked completely different, except for the rusty pickup his dad drove.
and after all of this a huge wave of sadness crashed over me, and i didnt know why, it wasnt that i missed the place, or even the people, i missed how i used to feel back then, some 14 years ago. it wasnt that i felt more loved, or that i was innocent. in fact when i was younger i was just a cute-er version of my current self. (i have pictures if you want me to prove it) it was that i only have happy memories associated with that place. why is that? i know everything wasnt perfect back then. but it felt that way. i mean am i ever going to feel like that again? i suppose what i felt wasnt sadness, but fear, fear that i may never feel that way again. or will i feel that way when i start my own family. does anyone else feel like this? its an interesting set of emotions that come with realizing that you may never be as happy as you were when you were little.
on a side note.
im very much in a cuddley mood and would to have someone to cuddle with. any takers at 4 in the morning?
that is all.
today i worked, and kicked ass at it.
then after work i went to my uncle tom and aunt jo's for dinner.
on the way there, i passed so many things from my child hood.
i passed a little park next to the rouge river where my dad used to take me fishing
then i went by an old decrepid fruit stand that used to be operated by a man named bob, and my mom used to get produce there all the time.
i even passed by my childhood home, if i wouldnt have seen the 8223 on the house i wouldnt have known it was mine, so much had changed.
i passed by one of my old friends houses, i thought he moved, cause his house looked completely different, except for the rusty pickup his dad drove.
and after all of this a huge wave of sadness crashed over me, and i didnt know why, it wasnt that i missed the place, or even the people, i missed how i used to feel back then, some 14 years ago. it wasnt that i felt more loved, or that i was innocent. in fact when i was younger i was just a cute-er version of my current self. (i have pictures if you want me to prove it) it was that i only have happy memories associated with that place. why is that? i know everything wasnt perfect back then. but it felt that way. i mean am i ever going to feel like that again? i suppose what i felt wasnt sadness, but fear, fear that i may never feel that way again. or will i feel that way when i start my own family. does anyone else feel like this? its an interesting set of emotions that come with realizing that you may never be as happy as you were when you were little.
on a side note.
im very much in a cuddley mood and would to have someone to cuddle with. any takers at 4 in the morning?
that is all.