well!
Tired, depressed, and oddly enough, a bit horny. I just took an extremely long piss, not that any of you really wanted to know that.
Upset because Rob wouldn't walk his ass down here. I want some fucking company.
I want someone to hold me, someone to need me. I want someone to tell me that everything is all right.
Still in love with Evan. I miss him. But he's being standoffish.
So I'm the new co-owner of Sunset Ridge. Which is a roleplay site I frequent. Helping out Aubrey since her life is in the shithole as well. She and I are dealing with two different piles of shit from the same fucking cow. Thank you, James, for that wonderful analogy.
We are the image of the invisible. And it's true. Youth is invisible. No one sees what's going on, and if they do, they don't care. You know why? Our petty problems mean nothing to the real world. We'll get there someday. The real world, I mean. That is if we don't end up like Craig. Hanging in the fucking barn. Or bullet through our brain, or blood in a bathtub...
I could go on and on... but let's move on, shall we?
We are the lost and we are found; no one can stop us or slow us down. We are the named and we are known; we know that we'll never walk alone. That I can't even respond to at this time. Not enough brainpower to wrap my mind around something not depressing.
Hung out with James yesterday. At his new place. It's real nice. We played guitar and sung on the mic and shit, listened to music, had a grand ol' time. Forrest should come over sometime soon. I like hangin' out with him again. I'm getting a bit too cozy with him though. I don't know, I just need to feel wanted. And I know I am, but it's not helping, because I only want to be wanted by Evan. And it's not going to happen.
I've been changing, sort of. I don't really know how to describe it. I've dived into that sullen, emotionless stage. I act chipper and well at school, and I end up crying myself to sleep usually, or not sleeping at all, but that's how the cookie crumbles. Last night I couldn't sleep, and was thinking of drinking our cough syrup, getting into that non-feeling stage, and just slicing myself up a bit. Like I used to. But I didn't. Having the thought is somewhat frightening, though. It means I'm reverting to how I was when James broke up with me. I never told anyone I was cutting myself, I just did it. It wasn't for the attention, it was for the release of pain, a distraction from emotional pain by causing physical pain. And the fact that I almost got back into it is, once again, frightening. But I'm not afraid. I'm just... empty. Empty, yet full with anguish.
But that's enough for now I guess.
Upset because Rob wouldn't walk his ass down here. I want some fucking company.
I want someone to hold me, someone to need me. I want someone to tell me that everything is all right.
Still in love with Evan. I miss him. But he's being standoffish.
So I'm the new co-owner of Sunset Ridge. Which is a roleplay site I frequent. Helping out Aubrey since her life is in the shithole as well. She and I are dealing with two different piles of shit from the same fucking cow. Thank you, James, for that wonderful analogy.
We are the image of the invisible. And it's true. Youth is invisible. No one sees what's going on, and if they do, they don't care. You know why? Our petty problems mean nothing to the real world. We'll get there someday. The real world, I mean. That is if we don't end up like Craig. Hanging in the fucking barn. Or bullet through our brain, or blood in a bathtub...
I could go on and on... but let's move on, shall we?
We are the lost and we are found; no one can stop us or slow us down. We are the named and we are known; we know that we'll never walk alone. That I can't even respond to at this time. Not enough brainpower to wrap my mind around something not depressing.
Hung out with James yesterday. At his new place. It's real nice. We played guitar and sung on the mic and shit, listened to music, had a grand ol' time. Forrest should come over sometime soon. I like hangin' out with him again. I'm getting a bit too cozy with him though. I don't know, I just need to feel wanted. And I know I am, but it's not helping, because I only want to be wanted by Evan. And it's not going to happen.
I've been changing, sort of. I don't really know how to describe it. I've dived into that sullen, emotionless stage. I act chipper and well at school, and I end up crying myself to sleep usually, or not sleeping at all, but that's how the cookie crumbles. Last night I couldn't sleep, and was thinking of drinking our cough syrup, getting into that non-feeling stage, and just slicing myself up a bit. Like I used to. But I didn't. Having the thought is somewhat frightening, though. It means I'm reverting to how I was when James broke up with me. I never told anyone I was cutting myself, I just did it. It wasn't for the attention, it was for the release of pain, a distraction from emotional pain by causing physical pain. And the fact that I almost got back into it is, once again, frightening. But I'm not afraid. I'm just... empty. Empty, yet full with anguish.
But that's enough for now I guess.