Like a fat kid loves cake.
Yeah, i'm BEYOND tired of that line. So in an effort to stomp it out, i'm going to use it all the time in situations where it makes no sense and act like what i just said was witty and funny. I hope it catches on and then we can get rid of this forever. I like 50 cent, dont get me wrong, but god damn. It was funny the first few times i heard it, cute after that, but now every frat boy on earth is using it in completely idiotic situations. So im gonna use it in even WORSE situations and abolish it forever!! Why? Because i hate over-used popculture bullshit like a fat kid loves cake!
So my week has been pretty damn good so far. I guess all of my hard worked in Providence paid off and we've got five more people interested in giving the business a shot. On monday we ran a great practice at slamtech where for one drill i worked in the ring as a heel for a half hour against everyone else in the school, one minute at a time. Bob and Sean both took time to take me aside and tell me what a good job i had done in there, calling everything and having everything make sense. What meant more to me than that though was Johnny Idol (a worker from around here who i have a lot of respect for, hes also a 10 year veteran) taking me aside and telling me what a terrific job i had done. That he was impressed and he foresaw great things in this business for me in the future. Always makes my week when someone i respect as a worker tells me how much THEY respect ME as a worker.
Busy busy weekend coming up, topped off with the move up to Atwells. Yes i am going, and yes the appartment is nice. REALLY nice. For just 300/month (everything included!) it's incredible. I can't wait to get in there and settle down into my new hood. Here's my weekend so far:
FRIDAY
-Work
-Go to the gym, run and work abs and legs.
-Go to Phil's campout.
SATURDAY
-Get to gym before 11. Run and work chest, shoulders and triceps.
-Get to salvation army to find a cheap, CLEAN mattress, and hopefully a dresser.
-Get couch from parents house and bring to chuck's house.
-Move all stuff from Pat's house to appartment.
-Put on first coat of tan-in-a-can.
-Go to Chuck's party.
-Return to Phil's campout.
SUNDAY
-Hit gym before 11. Run and work back, abs, and biceps.
-Shower, shave pits and legs.
-Apply second coat of tan in a can.
-Get gear together and go work a show for PWF in providence.
-Go to Dave and Buster's for Jerry's birthday party.
-Sleep.
Im really looking forward to this PWF show, because ive never worked for them before. Plus they have a few hotties on the roster i look forward to meeting! ;) If anyone is interested it's a FREE SHOW. Sunday at 3 in north providence. Go to www.pwfnortheast.com for details and directions. Oh and if you go, my new tights came in so you'll get to see those, and they look sweet! Id put up pictures if i had a cam.
So i've got the day off today because my boss nearly died last night. From a bee sting he got while he was at a job with me. Even though he was swelling and having difficulty breathing and could barely see, he insisted on driving the company car to the hospital...with me in it. Not wanting to get fired after a week and a half i wholeheartedly agreed that this was the most logical choice of action. I mean i could have driven, but that would take all the fun out of it. So i spent yesterday afternoon waiting for my boss to get out of the emergency room and answering the questions of the thousands of people who were calling his cellphone wondering who i was. Yep just sitting there in the waiting room and answering the phone. The day was not without it's highlights, however. As i was sitting there after about an hour a man who looked very much like chris farley on his way out wandered through the door with his shirt wrapped around his hand.
"Ohhhh, boy!" I thought and sat back to enjoy.
"EXCUSE ME!!" My god, he even sounded like chris farley. "I SEEM TO HAVE CUT MY THUMB OFF!!!"
He was so cheerful and polite as he bellowed at the tired receptionist with blood soaking into his shirt.
"I WAS, AH, USING MY TABLE SAW, AND, WELL I GUESS I SLIPPED AND NEARLY CUT THE DARN THING OFF!!" He laughed. I laughed too because life is absurd. I laughed harder when the receptionist had him fill out a mess of paperwork as he stood there bleeding. Twenty minutes later, he died. No, im just kidding. It was thirty minutes.
So after this i went to check on my boss in the emergency room. I think it's an important step in the employer/employee relationship to see your new boss, wearing nothing but the slimmest of hospital gowns, pumped full of drugs and swollen like a fat kid loves cake. It was there before his hairy, hairy, naked, HAIRY body that i was instructed to call his girlfriend and tell her what had happened.
So i went out to the parking lot to begin a very awkward conversation. It involved lots of hysterics and questions and all the answers i had available to me were:
1) He was stung by a bee.
2) He didnt have his medication with him.
3) He's alive.
4) I'm Doug.
5) He's very hairy.
Armed with those four answers i think i made his girlfriend far more upset than when she was blissfully ignorant and just thought he was ignoring her phone calls. Unfortunately i had to cut the poor woman off because from accross the parking lot an old man was waving and shouting at me. I hung up and headed over to see what the problem was.
"There's a dog stuck in this car!!" He shouted and pointed as if he'd just discovered gold back in San Fran in 49.
"Silly, senile old man." I thought to myself. "There are probably lots of dogs in this lot stuck inside cars. Don't worry their owners will probably be back soooo....OH MY GOD!!!"
And there he was. Probably 5 years old hanging half out of his idiot owner's rear driver side window which he had left half open. The poor thing was crying and barking and was clearly in a lot of pain. The window was open enough so the poor thing could get out as far as his hind-quarters. But was not open enough to allow his rear end and hind legs to get out. So he was hanging there and crying and i wondered 'how long has this old man just let him sit here?'.
"I was gonna pick him up, but he might be a biter!" He said still as excited as ever. "If you hold his mouth shut ill grab him!"
"Screw that!!" I shouted, forgetting my 'always polite to the elderly' policy and i ran over and grabbed the poor thing. I placed both arms under him and lifted so that his front half was level with the back half. I started looking into the windows to see if i could get to the releases, but this idiot had power windows. I told the old man this and he helpfully offered to go into the hospital and have the owner paged. So he left and i waited. Well, me and the dog waited. He stopped barking and crying and just started panting with that grin on his face that dogs have that makes me love them so. His tail was even wagging. So i couldnt help but smile and think about how much i missed all the dogs that ive had in my life and how much i want another one. The two of us waited for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES!! The whole time people walking back and forth and shaking their head at me and giving me disapproving looks.
"It's not my dog..." I feebly offered to each of these accusing stares. "I'm pretty sure his owner is an idiot..."
Finally the jackass came out and rolled down the window. He thanked me and i told him it was no problem. Then the old man stood right in my path as i tried to head back to the hospital.
"You're a very good person. You'll get right into heaven for doing that!" He smiled at me.
"Let's hope so." I replied.
So whats the point of this story? Simple. I'M A GOOD PERSON AND AM GOING TO HEAVEN AND YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT SO YOU SHOULD COME TO THE ROCHESTER SHOW ON AUGUST 13TH TO SEE A REAL LIVE GOOD PERSON WHO IS 100% POSITIVELY GETTING INTO HEAVEN.
So go or i'll hate you. Like a fat kid loves cake.
www.necwwrestling.com
So my week has been pretty damn good so far. I guess all of my hard worked in Providence paid off and we've got five more people interested in giving the business a shot. On monday we ran a great practice at slamtech where for one drill i worked in the ring as a heel for a half hour against everyone else in the school, one minute at a time. Bob and Sean both took time to take me aside and tell me what a good job i had done in there, calling everything and having everything make sense. What meant more to me than that though was Johnny Idol (a worker from around here who i have a lot of respect for, hes also a 10 year veteran) taking me aside and telling me what a terrific job i had done. That he was impressed and he foresaw great things in this business for me in the future. Always makes my week when someone i respect as a worker tells me how much THEY respect ME as a worker.
Busy busy weekend coming up, topped off with the move up to Atwells. Yes i am going, and yes the appartment is nice. REALLY nice. For just 300/month (everything included!) it's incredible. I can't wait to get in there and settle down into my new hood. Here's my weekend so far:
FRIDAY
-Work
-Go to the gym, run and work abs and legs.
-Go to Phil's campout.
SATURDAY
-Get to gym before 11. Run and work chest, shoulders and triceps.
-Get to salvation army to find a cheap, CLEAN mattress, and hopefully a dresser.
-Get couch from parents house and bring to chuck's house.
-Move all stuff from Pat's house to appartment.
-Put on first coat of tan-in-a-can.
-Go to Chuck's party.
-Return to Phil's campout.
SUNDAY
-Hit gym before 11. Run and work back, abs, and biceps.
-Shower, shave pits and legs.
-Apply second coat of tan in a can.
-Get gear together and go work a show for PWF in providence.
-Go to Dave and Buster's for Jerry's birthday party.
-Sleep.
Im really looking forward to this PWF show, because ive never worked for them before. Plus they have a few hotties on the roster i look forward to meeting! ;) If anyone is interested it's a FREE SHOW. Sunday at 3 in north providence. Go to www.pwfnortheast.com for details and directions. Oh and if you go, my new tights came in so you'll get to see those, and they look sweet! Id put up pictures if i had a cam.
So i've got the day off today because my boss nearly died last night. From a bee sting he got while he was at a job with me. Even though he was swelling and having difficulty breathing and could barely see, he insisted on driving the company car to the hospital...with me in it. Not wanting to get fired after a week and a half i wholeheartedly agreed that this was the most logical choice of action. I mean i could have driven, but that would take all the fun out of it. So i spent yesterday afternoon waiting for my boss to get out of the emergency room and answering the questions of the thousands of people who were calling his cellphone wondering who i was. Yep just sitting there in the waiting room and answering the phone. The day was not without it's highlights, however. As i was sitting there after about an hour a man who looked very much like chris farley on his way out wandered through the door with his shirt wrapped around his hand.
"Ohhhh, boy!" I thought and sat back to enjoy.
"EXCUSE ME!!" My god, he even sounded like chris farley. "I SEEM TO HAVE CUT MY THUMB OFF!!!"
He was so cheerful and polite as he bellowed at the tired receptionist with blood soaking into his shirt.
"I WAS, AH, USING MY TABLE SAW, AND, WELL I GUESS I SLIPPED AND NEARLY CUT THE DARN THING OFF!!" He laughed. I laughed too because life is absurd. I laughed harder when the receptionist had him fill out a mess of paperwork as he stood there bleeding. Twenty minutes later, he died. No, im just kidding. It was thirty minutes.
So after this i went to check on my boss in the emergency room. I think it's an important step in the employer/employee relationship to see your new boss, wearing nothing but the slimmest of hospital gowns, pumped full of drugs and swollen like a fat kid loves cake. It was there before his hairy, hairy, naked, HAIRY body that i was instructed to call his girlfriend and tell her what had happened.
So i went out to the parking lot to begin a very awkward conversation. It involved lots of hysterics and questions and all the answers i had available to me were:
1) He was stung by a bee.
2) He didnt have his medication with him.
3) He's alive.
4) I'm Doug.
5) He's very hairy.
Armed with those four answers i think i made his girlfriend far more upset than when she was blissfully ignorant and just thought he was ignoring her phone calls. Unfortunately i had to cut the poor woman off because from accross the parking lot an old man was waving and shouting at me. I hung up and headed over to see what the problem was.
"There's a dog stuck in this car!!" He shouted and pointed as if he'd just discovered gold back in San Fran in 49.
"Silly, senile old man." I thought to myself. "There are probably lots of dogs in this lot stuck inside cars. Don't worry their owners will probably be back soooo....OH MY GOD!!!"
And there he was. Probably 5 years old hanging half out of his idiot owner's rear driver side window which he had left half open. The poor thing was crying and barking and was clearly in a lot of pain. The window was open enough so the poor thing could get out as far as his hind-quarters. But was not open enough to allow his rear end and hind legs to get out. So he was hanging there and crying and i wondered 'how long has this old man just let him sit here?'.
"I was gonna pick him up, but he might be a biter!" He said still as excited as ever. "If you hold his mouth shut ill grab him!"
"Screw that!!" I shouted, forgetting my 'always polite to the elderly' policy and i ran over and grabbed the poor thing. I placed both arms under him and lifted so that his front half was level with the back half. I started looking into the windows to see if i could get to the releases, but this idiot had power windows. I told the old man this and he helpfully offered to go into the hospital and have the owner paged. So he left and i waited. Well, me and the dog waited. He stopped barking and crying and just started panting with that grin on his face that dogs have that makes me love them so. His tail was even wagging. So i couldnt help but smile and think about how much i missed all the dogs that ive had in my life and how much i want another one. The two of us waited for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES!! The whole time people walking back and forth and shaking their head at me and giving me disapproving looks.
"It's not my dog..." I feebly offered to each of these accusing stares. "I'm pretty sure his owner is an idiot..."
Finally the jackass came out and rolled down the window. He thanked me and i told him it was no problem. Then the old man stood right in my path as i tried to head back to the hospital.
"You're a very good person. You'll get right into heaven for doing that!" He smiled at me.
"Let's hope so." I replied.
So whats the point of this story? Simple. I'M A GOOD PERSON AND AM GOING TO HEAVEN AND YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT SO YOU SHOULD COME TO THE ROCHESTER SHOW ON AUGUST 13TH TO SEE A REAL LIVE GOOD PERSON WHO IS 100% POSITIVELY GETTING INTO HEAVEN.
So go or i'll hate you. Like a fat kid loves cake.
www.necwwrestling.com