(no subject)
Ok, so it looks like I have two readers- or maybe more, but they refuse to de-lurk. And that's okay. As long as I have one reader, I feel it my duty to update!
So here goes..
I'm doing pretty well emotionally. I have my good days and my bad, but my bad days don't last all day and they are becoming more infrequent. I shouldn't really say bad days- because it's becoming more of a bittersweet thing where I feel like I just need to be close to Faith. So after Jamie has gone to bed or is otherwise occupied, I sit at the dining room table and pull out her blankets and pictures along with all the cards of support we received. I have a good cry and then I feel better. I choose to only have fond memories of my pregnancy and her birth. Although the loss part is such a huge part of who I am, I'm trying my hardest to remember only that she was a blessing and that even though she was sick, she brought me joy. And really, I do feel that way. That's why I call it a bittersweet thing- yes I'm incredibly sad about our loss, but I also feel incredibly blessed to be her Mom.
Jamie is doing okay. He still has a hard time understanding what happened. He asks a lot of age-appropriate questions and I try hard to answer them truthfully and in a way that helps him understand. He is so sweet- he took a laundry basket and put all his bedpillows in it and pushed it into the spare bedroom that would have been Faith's. He told me that it was Faith's bed. Just today, he took the scraps from a quilt I'm making and sat at the table re-arranging them. He told me that it was a blanket for Faith and that "she'll love it." He would have made a great big brother. He told me that he wants to have another baby sister. I told him we'll think about it :)
As far as remembering Faith's birth, it has become foggy, but in the way Jamie's birth has become foggy. As time goes on, you just forget the small details. My husband has a much better memory than I do and can answer my questions and help me remember.