(no subject)

[thepencapsays]

i needed this journal because i can't say it anywhere else.

i don't know who i am anymore.
i miss being a part of something bigger.
i miss feeling like i belong.
i miss having a group of friends.
i miss being loud & obnoxious.
i miss being honest & outspoken.
i miss finishing each other's sentences & knowing what people are going to say before they say it.
i miss collecting quotes.
i miss staying up rediculously late & somehow managing to function the next day.
i miss being out & about 24/7.
i miss documenting everything in pictures.
i miss drinking in the backseat.
i miss random drives.
i miss making the most of everything.
i miss heart-to-hearts.
i miss all the good times, all the things i & everyone else took for granted.
i miss everything that will never be ever again & i don't even know why.
it breaks my heart everytime i remember.
i just hate feeling like i don't even know myself.
especially when it comes to this..
i'm addicted, & it's scary as hell, & i don't know what to do.
i'm tired of hurting & scaring the ones i love.
i don't know whether to go on a wreckless rampage, or to become an introvert.
my mind doesn't want to be addicted, but i can't control what my body craves.
you can never cure addiction, you can only replace one addiction with another.