After the mission

[stella_clara]

Muses: Yihyun (stella_clara) and DJ (b2stlydreams)
Status: Closed
Date / Time: 10/13, Afternoon
Rating: PG (for now, might change)
Type: Thread
Summary: The last mission finally finished. It was now time to report to the headquarters.

Comments

[b2stlydreams]

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed softly, he didn't even remember what he had placed in that reports. The Chief's shouting rang in his head and his eyebrow's furrowed. He looked slightly shaken, but it easily faded back into that blankness. Stepping out of the office and the Chief leaving DJ turned at the sound of his name, "I'm going home," he said softly, walking past her. Already loosening his tie, he grabbed his wallet and phone and walked out of the office. Going home like the Chief had told him, stuck with desk work until he manages to put things in check. How long would that be? His fingers rubbed over his eyes, teeth grit as he grumbled silently to himself. "The fuck is going on with me..." It must be that mission,it must be because of something that didn't have to do with work. Disgraceful. He was an undercover agent, personal shit shouldn't mix with work. Somehow he felt like he had been compromised, by none other than himself.

Home. He just wanted to hide there for a while, lock himself in and not come out. DJ knew that he needed to talk to Yihyun still, they needed to talk about it in order to patch things up but he didn't want to talk. He couldn't even come close when she came back home. He was frozen in place. He wished that night, he wished that he managed to stop the man who was fucking his girlfriend. Why the heck did he have to be the one guarding the door while it all happened? Why was he the one hearing every groan, moan, gasp of the woman he loved as she got fucked by a greasy, old, gross man? It pissed him off, but he couldn't do anything. He let a part of him die that day just to get through with it. He hasn't been the same since.

[stella_clara]

Yihyun frowned but she let him walk past her and leave. Maybe, he needed some time alone. She decided to let him leave first, she still had a few things to finish up in the office anyway. With a heavy sigh, she walked back to her desk and worked but her mind never stopped thinking about him.

Once she finished everything, she decided to send him a message first just to know where he is so she could go there. And maybe, see if he wants to see her or not. After what happened that night, she really couldn't find the strength or the face to really look him in the eye and talk to him like before. She felt ashamed. Dirty. Unworthy.

[text] hey, I just finished work. Where did you go home?

[b2stlydreams]

He was at his place, in bed, under the blankets with beer at his bedside. There was a need to silence everything, the voices in his head, his own thoughts, the voice of the chief, the disappoint, the frustration, the anger, the desperation, everything. Alcohol seemed to work like a charm, even if it was just for a little while. He had received her message and he stared at it, knowing full well that ignoring her wasn't going to fix anything and prolonging it would just hurt him in the end he replied.

[text] My place.

He paused before pressing send, wondering if he should add anything more that that but thought otherwise and just sent it.

[stella_clara]

The delay in his response spoke volumes about how he felt and how he feels towards her. She knew. He was probably hurt about what happened...and disturbed. She would be, if it was her in his position. She knew he was trying to keep himself together all throughout the mission and even after that but sometimes, you just can't hold everything in then it explodes on your face without you knowing.

When he finally replied, she let out a relieved sigh then sent another message.

[text] can I come over? Can we talk?

[b2stlydreams]

[text] Okay.

It as the usual feeling of not wanting her around and wanting her around. Torn between everything that was going on. He wanted to see her, wanted to be with her but a part of him didn't. He wanted to be alone, too. But either way there was only negative things to being alone as compared to being with her. It was the only rational thing he could come up with when he sent that message. Setting aside, the more obvious reason that he did love her and couldn't resist her and that he missed her. He was, unstable like that. Disturbed.

He reached out for his beer and finished off one bottle. That was all he had. He didn't want her to come and see him drunk. After all she did say she wanted to talk and a drunk DJ wouldn't do much talking at all.

[stella_clara]

With his reply, Yihyun gathered his things and headed home. To him. He was her home and she can't stand another day without them talking. As much as she didn't want to show her face to him, she wanted to fix whatever was tearing them apart. It might happen again in the future. They will encounter more bumps in the road especially with their jobs but she didn't want any of it to cause them what they have right now. She wanted to fight for them. For him. For herself.

She doesn't want this bump on the road they are into end everything for them. No. Never.

Eventually, she arrived at his place and she stood by the door, biting down on her lower lip as she gathered every courage she has and knocked on the door. She let out a heavy sigh as she waited for him to open the door.

[b2stlydreams]

When he heard the knock he pushed himself out of bed, he was wearing just boxers, a shirt and barefooted walked to the door and opened the door for her. He was planning to smile when he saw her, to say hi but it didn't happen. Nothing came out, for a few seconds he was just staring at her before he lowered his head and stepped aside, holding the door open. His lips remained tightly sealed. It was always so hard for him to communicate because he never really knew how to address his feelings. At one point maybe he thought he needed more sessions with a psychiatrist. The in-house psychiatrist at work would probably do the trick but he hadn't found the guts to even schedule an appointment.

He shut the door when she stepped in and he followed her, walking back to the bedroom and crawling back under the sheets. DJ didn't know what to say. He wanted to apologize but words still failed. DJ knew well enough that all this that was happening was shit because he did sleep with other women because of work, too, just she wasn't there when he had to do it. He was being irrational, over sensitive, irritable, jealous and angry and he could address that. He knew all of that. He could identify but he wasn't sure he could handle them all together.