A Loud Voice For Quiet Hearts - Chapter Thirteen
They had a rare week off between the shows in Portland and Seattle; they were playing two shows in Seattle, and then the Canadian leg of the tour was scheduled to start. They spent one day doing a road trip around the Peninsula; stopping in the Hoh Rainforest, where of course Chad was disappointed, and also stopping in Sequim for coffee and pastries before heading back to Seattle via the Kingston Ferry. They even stopped at the tiny Aviator donut stand before getting on the Ferry, and Chris made a crack about how many miles they were going to put on Ross’s vintage Land Cruiser before the week was over..
“Hey, man! Give me a break. I don’t know when I’ll be out here next, and I want to make the most of this trip. Can you blame me?”
“Naw. Sorry, son- Just giving you a hard time,” Chris said, turning from his seat in front to give Jared a shit-eating grin.
“Not all of us are jaded rock stars who’ve seen and done it all,” Jared said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture.
They drove down to Seattle that evening, and the skyline took Jared’s breath away once they rounded the curve on I-5 and everything came into view. The city was lit like a jeweled box from its perch on the hill in front of the Sound, and as they took the exit onto Mercer, Jared was excited to see El Corazon to the right- The club was famous for hosting both underground concerts and smaller shows for big-name bands that wanted something grittier for a change.
They drove through the town for a bit, Chris and Ross pointing out their favorite places to go while they were in town as Jared tried to take it all in from his seat in the back. Chad passed out as soon as they had left Kingston, and Alona was plucking at the strings of her ukelele, playing with a melody Jared was thinking up lyrics to while they drove around.
At some point it was decided that everyone was going to stay at Ross’s house the first night they were in town; he wanted to show off the house he was slowly renovating in Magnolia, and enough of the rooms were done that people could stay in them. As they wound down the quiet streets of the neighborhood, each house seemed bigger than the last and Jared was suddenly reminded of just who he had been spending the last few months with- Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment was one of the biggest names in the rock scene at the time, and here Jared was, playing tourist with them and listening to Chris and Ross squabble about the perfect way to cook oysters.
The driveway to Ross’s house was long and winding; as the main house came into view, Jared let out a little involuntary gasp- It was a lovingly restored craftsman house perched on the edge of the hill, and smaller pathways wound around the house into the trees. Once they all unloaded from the van, Ross showed them inside and turned off the security system, proudly telling them about the hardwood floors he installed himself, as well as the kitchen he spent three months re-tiling and building the cabinets for. Every detail was carefully selected and crafted, and Jared could understand why Ross had a note of pride in his voice every time he talked about the house in Magnolia- It was genuinely a work of art.
Outside, the balcony had an unobstructed view of the sound; Ross explained that all of the land below the house was his as well, and one of the first things he’d done was build a firepit on the rocky beach below. He loved playing down by the Sound in the evening, listening to the waves and feeling like the only person on Earth. Jared nodded; he valued his alone time as well, and could see the allure of having a place that felt so remote, even if it was just minutes to downtown Seattle. Jared leaned over the railing and took a deep breath of the pine tree and salt-scented air, feeling the tension of the past few days on the road leave his body. He glanced down and saw Italian string lights winding their way through hidden paths in the trees. Jared turned to Ross, who smiled widely.
“Want to go see the rest of the place?” Ross asked, gesturing towards a set of stairs leading down from the deck.
“I’m beat, guys. Ross, is it okay if I take my usual room in the big house?” Chris asked, gesturing back inside.
“Yeah, sure man. Bathroom should be stocked and ready to roll.”
“Sweet. I can’t wait to take a long, hot soak. And Padalecki, if you ever tell anyone I said that, there will be hell to pay.” Chris pointed a finger in his direction threateningly, but the smile on his face ruined the effect.
“Yeah. Big scary man doesn’t take long baths in luxury bathtubs, got it.”
Chris clapped Ross on the shoulder as he turned and headed back inside, closing the French doors behind him. Then, it was just Ross and Jared on the deck, and Jared felt that rubber-band tension that always seemed to be between them snap tight again.
Ross cleared his throat nervously, gesturing again towards the deck. “So, uh- Shall we?”
Jared nodded, and Ross led the way as they walked down the newly-built steps to the yard below. There were shrubs lining each side of the well-worn stone path, and posts for the lights twinkling up ahead dotted each side of the walkway as they made their way down. About twenty feet along, they came to the first outbuilding.
“This is one of the guest houses. It’s just under 600 square feet, but it’s got a decent sized kitchenette and bathroom, and the rest is the sleeping area. Alona picked this one, I think.” They carry on down the path, and another twenty feet or so later come to a nearly- identical outbuilding, this one slightly larger. “Mike and Tom stay here when they come into town.” Ross didn’t elaborate, and Jared figured he didn’t need to- Jared had watched the two of them enough during the tour to know they lived in their own little world, and it only made sense for the two of them to bunk together when they came to visit.
“It’s so quiet here. And you’d never know the other cabins were here, because of all the trees.” Jared said, looking around at the absolute privacy the property afforded. “Even with the lights strung up, I can’t see the other cabin from where we’re standing. How many outbuildings are there on the property?”
“Just three so far. I might build another one at some point, I don’t know,” Ross replied, turning to walk down the path again. “The privacy was one of the reasons I bought this property- I loved that it was on the end of a street, that my nearest neighbor was a few hundred feet away, and I had all this land to do with as I pleased.”
They’d come to the last building on the path before the steps headed down to the beach, and the little cabin was the roughest of all of them- The cedar shakes that covered the exterior of the building were bleached and salt-worn; some were missing, and the screen from one of the windows had been removed at some point and never replaced. “Ready to see my pride and joy?” Ross asked mysteriously, and Jared nodded.
Ross entered a code into a keypad hidden behind one of the cedar shakes, and Jared could hear several locks disengage before Ross turned the door handle and opened the door. The interior of the cabin was completely dark, and Ross carefully guided Jared into the cabin before closing the door behind them and turning on the lights overhead.
Ross had built an entire home studio in the eight hundred or so square feet of the cabin; there was a recording booth tucked into one corner, as well as a full sound board and recording equipment built into shelves that lined the walls. The studio even had a small apartment-style kitchen, as well as a half bath tucked into the corner opposite the recording booth. Jared looked around the room, struggling to take it all in- It looked nothing like the exterior of the building, which Jared guessed was the point of the camouflage- The exterior would deter any would-be robbers, and if that failed, the security system would record anyone that made it in the door with the cameras that were mounted to the ceiling.
“So, what do you think,” Ross asked from the kitchen, making coffee for the two of them. Jared turned to see Ross carefully measuring out the grounds and pouring filtered water into the kettle, and chuckled softly to himself. Of course Ross would treat himself to nothing but the best while he was home.
“I think that whatever you pay for your housekeeping to maintain this place while you’re gone, it’s definitely not enough. This place is spotless, and we both know it didn’t look like this before you left, man.” Jared started walking around the room, pausing to look at every bit of equipment that lined the walls before moving on to the next area. His eye was caught by a tall bookcase near one of the windows, and he stopped to take a closer look. There were dozens of composition books on the shelves, their spines worn and cracked with use.
“Yeah, whatever. I meant the studio, jackass- I didn’t invite you down here to get your opinion on my decorating skills,” Ross fired back, taking the kettle off the stove just as it started to whistle. The aroma of coffee began to fill the air, and Jared took a deep breath, appreciating the way the coffee blended with the scent of the cedar that lined the walls of the cabin.
“It’s amazing. I don’t know how you can leave on tour when you have a place like this,” Jared replied honestly, running his fingers down one one of the spines of the notebooks in front of him. The urge to take one off the shelf and read its contents was strong, but Jared respected Ross’s privacy more, and he forced himself to move on from the bookshelf. Next to it was another shelf, this one holding the awards Ross and OLoPA had won over the years. “Hey, man- Why aren’t these up at the house?” Jared turned to ask Ross, who was standing at the small peninsula that separated the kitchen from the main space of the cabin.
Ross shrugged. “I never wanted to be that asshole that had gold records lining the walls of his house, wanting everyone to see how successful he was.” Taking a sip of coffee, he paused for a moment before speaking again. “That, and it’s good motivation when I come down here to tool around with something- It reminds me how I got to have the place I have, and how far I’ve come from that kid that started a band with his cousins a lifetime ago.”
“I meant to ask the other night, but I fell asleep before I could ask- Why didn’t you ever go back to Texas? Why go to LA when Northwestern Line broke up?” Jared walked over to the peninsula and took his own mug of coffee, doctoring it and taking a long sip while he watched Ross’s face flip through emotions mercurially.
“The truth? I wanted to get as far away from Germany as I could, and LA seemed like the best place to get a fresh start, you know? It’s all anyone there is trying to do- Become someone else. It’s a great place to get lost.” He paused for a long moment, and Jared waited patiently, knowing Ross would start speaking again when he was ready. “I thought about moving back to Texas, I did. My parents would have been happier with that decision, I think. Once I was in LA and had decided I didn’t want to do the acting thing like my dad had, we didn’t talk for a while. Between the music thing and my choosing to work in a dive bar while I figured out the next steps, they didn’t have a lot of confidence in me at the time.”
Jared lets out a short breath. “I’m sorry, man- That must have sucked, your parents not having your back.”
Ross gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I get it now, but at the time it sucked. I was living in a shithole apartment above a mechanic’s shop, working late nights and being woken up in the morning by the sound of impact drills. It made the rent cheap, but it still sucked. I was saving every penny I could, and when Gil called that first time, I booked a ticket to Berlin and flew right back to my worst mistake. I kept doing that for a year, man. An entire fucking year.” He paused for a moment, then straightened his shoulders. “But that’s ancient history, and I’m not that guy anymore.”
Jared nodded, feeling sick to his stomach at the way Ross had been treated then. “I’m glad you’re not, if that means anything. I like who you are now.”
“Yeah?” Ross said, looking at Jared over the rim of his coffee cup, taking a sip of coffee.
Jared felt heat bloom in the pit of his stomach, and nodded. “Yeah.” Ross reached over and grabbed Jared’s belt loop, pulling him closer.
“We have two options, Padalecki. First option, we go down to the water, light a fire and jam for a while,” Ross murmured, interspersing the words with kisses to Jared’s neck.
“Okay, yeah. That sounds like fun, I guess. And option two?” Jared said, trying not to squeak when Ross ran a hand under his shirt, finding a nipple and twisting it gently.
“Option two is, we go back up the main house and see just how sturdy my bed is,” Ross whispered into Jared’s ear, grabbing Jared’s dick through his jeans, in case he wasn’t being clear enough.
Jared groaned low, backing into the island and bucking into Ross’s hand when his back hit the counter. “Fuck, Ross. You have a couch in here, why go all the way back up to the house?”
Ross stepped away, turning the coffee pot off and turning back to face Jared. “Because that sofa is too small for what I want to do to you, Jared. Plus, I’m a selfish bastard that misses sleeping in his own bed.” Taking Jared by the hand, he led him outside before turning to shut off the lights and reset the alarm. He started walking up the pathway back to the house, turning once to see if Jared was still following.
Turning the corner right before the stairs that led to the main house, Ross stopped short, and Jared stepped around him to see what was happening. Chris at the doorway to Alona’s guesthouse; he was nervously pacing back and forth, gesturing and talking to himself before going up the door to knock. Before his fist could connect with the door, it opened and a pale arm shot out, grabbing him by the shirt before pulling him inside and closing the door behind him. Jared exchanged an amused glance with Ross, chuckling under his breath.
“If this tour gets any more incestuous, we’re going to find Chad in Tom and Mike’s cabin,” Jared murmured, and Ross laughed quietly.
“Man, if that ain’t the truth.” Ross continued up the path, motioning for Jared to follow. They made their way up the steps to the patio, and Ross quietly opened the back door and waited for Jared to follow him inside before closing the door and locking it. Jared quirked an eyebrow, and Ross shrugged. “They know where the spare keys are- It’s more habit than anything else, at this point.”
“Alona doesn’t know where the keys are, though.” Jared reminded him, and Ross shrugged.
“Chris does,” he said simply, and Jared nodded.
The house was dark; Chris had turned off the lights before going down to the guest house, and Jared could faintly hear Alex and Chad snoring in the guest rooms down the hall opposite from the stairs that led up to Ross’s main suite. Climbing the stairs quietly, Ross opened the door at the end of the landing and stepped inside.
Jared followed Ross into his room, keyed up and skin tingling. Some of the urgency had faded on the walk back to the house, but when Ross sat down on the edge of the bed and kicked his shoes off, it all came back in a rush. Kicking off his shoes near the door, Jared walked to stand between Ross’s knees at the edge of the bed, staring down at him intensely. He remembered smelling and tasting Ross in New York, hearing Ross’s moans and how good Ross tasted, salty on his tongue and filling his mouth and throat.
His thoughts must have shown on his face, because Ross’s eyes darkened and a blush rose on his cheeks. “You gonna just stand there and think about what you want to do to me, or you gonna come down here and do it,” Ross rasped, pulling his shirt off over his head and leaning back on his hands, a smirk on his face.
Jared quickly stripped his shirt off and pushed on Ross’s shoulders, climbing onto the bed to straddle Ross when he laid down. Placing a hand on each side of Ross’s head, he bent down to kiss Ross softly at first, then harder when Ross groaned and grabbed onto Jared’s waist. Ross’s mouth tasted like the coffee they drank earlier in the cabin, and Jared plunged his tongue deep into Ross’s mouth before pulling back to bite and nibble at his lips. Bending down a bit farther, he sucked at Ross’s earlobe before moving his way down his throat, making a mental note of the sensitive spot at the juncture of neck and shoulder.
“Been dreaming about your fucking mouth since New York,” Ross panted, bucking into Jared as he took a nipple in his mouth and sucked down hard, biting and then soothing the sting with a lick. “Thought… wondered if it was a one-time thing, or if I could get you alone again, dreamed of all the ways I could get you off.”
Jared groaned, grinding down onto Ross, their dicks touching through the fabric of their jeans, the friction driving Jared crazy. “Off! Pants off now.” He leaned back up, unbuckling Ross’s jeans and standing to pull off both jeans and boxer briefs in one tug. Ross’s cock bobbed against his stomach, and Jared licked his lips in anticipation, remembering how good it had felt to have Ross quivering underneath him before. Kneeling at the foot of the bed, he ran his hands up and down Ross’s thighs, feeling the muscle quivering under his palms as he leaned forward and licked a long stripe up the underside of Ross’s cock.
“Fuck,” Ross whimpered, lifting his head to make eye contact with Jared as he licked his lips and proceeded to swallow down Ross’s cock, pausing for a long moment and swallowing around the head before pulling back up. “Jesus fuck, Jared- Your fucking mouth is going to be the end of me.”
“But oh, what a way to go,” Jared quipped, spitting on his right hand and starting to jack Ross in slow, tight strokes. He took Ross back into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down as he swirled his tongue around the crown. He could feel Ross’s hands tugging on his hair, Ross’s sharp moans punching the air and slapped his left hand down onto Ross’s hip to hold him down when he tried to buck into Jared’s mouth. Coming up for air, he smirked. “Don’t make me tie you down, Ackles.”
Ross sat up and his hand shot down, pinching his cock at the base as his eyes screwed shut. “Fuck, man. Don’t say shit like that- I don’t want to come yet.”
“Yeah,” Jared said, kissing Ross deeply while still jacking him off. “Want you to come on my cock, Ackles.” He felt Ross’s hand tighten beneath his, and chuckled. “You want that? Want to come on my cock instead?” He asked before biting down on the sensitive spot he’d found earlier on Ross’s neck, loving the way Ross positively whined .
“Fuckfuckfuck.. Damn it, Jared. Quit fucking teasing me and just fuck me already.” Ross’s eyes opened and met Jared’s in a challenge, blazing green and pleading.
Jared simply pushed Ross to lean back again on the bed, taking his cock back into his mouth and sucking down hard, running his nails down Ross’s thighs before pushing the man’s hips back down to the bed when they bucked. He bobbed his head up and down, making the most obscene slurping noise when he finally pulled off again.
“Condoms and lube?” Jared asked, quirking an eyebrow. Ross waved vaguely toward one of the nightstands, and Jared stood to grab what he needed. Returning to the foot of the bed, he quickly undid his belt and pulled down his jeans and boxers, pulling off his socks before kneeling back down. He chuckled to see Ross’s socks still on, and removed them for him as well.
“Jay, come on man. Just fuck me already.” Ross’s head lifted off his bed, his eyes blown black and color high on his cheeks. His lips were puffy and bruised from biting down on them, and Jared winked.
“Pushy bottom,” he chuckled, tapping Ross’s thighs. Ross obediently lifted his feet onto the bed and spread his legs, holding them open with both hands. Uncapping the lube, Jared squeezed a dollop onto one hand before leaning forward and taking Ross’s cock back into his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down, letting his teeth graze the crown of Ross’s cock slightly, and Ross keened, his thighs shaking around Jared’s head.
Leaving Ross’s cock, Jared kissed his way down Ross’s thighs before licking a long, slow stripe across Ross’s hole. Ross moaned softly, and Jared wiggled his tongue a bit before forcing it inside, loving the way Ross’s thighs trembled and his breathing came faster. Pulling out his tongue, he swirled a lube-coated finger gently around before pushing the tip in slowly, marveling at how Ross’s breath came faster. Pulling his finger out and adding a second made Ross’s breath hitch for a moment, but then Jared crooked his fingers and grazed the prostate, and Ross let out a loud keen.
Jared began moving his fingers in and out of Ross’s hole faster, using his other hand to jack him off. He leaned forward and clamped his mouth around Ross’s cock, sucking down hard before adding a third finger. Ross was trembling all over now, his fingers turning white where they were still holding his thighs back for Jared. Leaning forward across the bed and resting his clean hand on the bed near Ross’s head, he lowered his body to kiss Ross deeply, swallowing his moans. “You good,” Jared asked between kisses, and Ross nodded.
Sliding back to the end of the bed, Jared removed his fingers from Ross’s body, wiping his fingers on his discarded pair of boxers. Carefully rolling the condom on his leaking cock, he stood and gestured for Ross to scoot up on the bed. Ross’s eyes went wide, and he licked his lips.
“Jesus fuck, Padalecki- I remembered you were big, but holy shit,” Ross breathed, scooting back on the bed. Jared crawled onto the bed and followed, stopping once Ross was comfortable. Lifting one of Ross’s legs and hooking it over his shoulder, he guided his cock to Ross’s hole and slowly started sliding in, not wanting to hurt him. He almost blacked out from the dirtytightsweethot feeling of sliding into Ross for the first time, and when his hips met Ross’s at last, he paused for a moment to catch his breath.
Ross’s eyes were screwed tight, a line between his eyebrows. His breath was coming in quick pants, and Jared was worried he hadn’t prepped him enough. “Ross, you okay? You want to stop?” Jared asked, starting to back out. Ross’s hands shot up to grab Jared’s shoulders, and his eyes flew open.
“You stop now, Padalecki, and there won’t be a body to find when I’m done with you. Just… just gimme a minute?” Ross asked, shifting his hips experimentally before shaking his head. “Yeah, this isn’t gonna work.” He pushed on Jared until he got the hint and slid out, and Ross surprised Jared by pushing him to lay down on the bed instead. Straddling Jared’s hips, Ross leaned forward and guided Jared into himself, sliding down in one slow, exquisite movement.
Jared’s world went white, and it took everything he had not to grab Ross’s hips and start thrusting into him. After a long moment, Ross wiggled experimentally before pulling up and sliding back down, resting his hands on Jared’s chest. “Oh, fuck yeah. Much better.” He began to rise and slide back down, and soon got a rhythm going that had Jared’s heart racing from the sensation of it all. He finally remembered to reach up and take Ross’s dripping cock in his hand, jacking him off to the rhythm Ross had set. The only sounds in the room were their pants and groans, flesh meeting in sweaty slaps and the bed frame creaking beneath them.
Jared reached up and twisted one of Ross’s nipples, and Ross groaned, leaning forward slightly to kiss Jared deeply, swirling his tongue as he continued to ride Jared’s cock. “I’m getting close, man. Fuck, I wanted to last longer, but your cock just feels too fucking good,” he said, leaning back again and swiveling his hips in a small circle before moving up and down again. “Damn it, I could get used to this,” he panted, smiling widely at Jared. “Keep you here at the house, write songs all day, fuck all night.” He closed his eyes again, swiveling his hips as he moved up and down, his breath coming faster and a line forming between his eyebrows again. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna…”
Jared grasped Ross’s hips and held him still, driving his hips up and down in a punishing rhythm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Ross moaned, his head lolling around on his shoulders. Leaning forward, he took Jared’s mouth in a deep kiss before speaking. “Is it as good as you thought it would be, Jay? We both know you used to sit in your room and jack off to photos of me, no use in denying it. Did you imagine fucking me, then, Jay? Huh?” He smiled, groaning. “Or was I the one fucking you?”
Jared threw his head back and froze, feeling like a supernova had just gone off in his head, feeling the condom fill and wishing for a split second that he hadn’t worn one, had instead filled Ross and felt it leaking out of him, marking him as Jared’s and never letting him go. He began lifting Ross up and down again even rougher, leaning back for better leverage and using his hips to pump into him hard. Ross went tight around him, so tight it was a struggle to keep pumping into him as Ross’s cock painted Jared’s chest white. Breathing hard, Ross went limp and covered Jared’s body with his own, bodies twitching and both of them struggling for air.
Finally, Ross lifted his head and kissed Jared deeply, biting and sucking on his tongue. His hole twitched, and Jared whimpered, his oversensitive cock feebly trying to get hard again. He felt his cock begin to slip out of Ross’s body, and reached around him to make sure the condom came with. Ross rolled away, and the two of them lay on the bed, boneless.
Finally rising with a groan, Jared padded to the bathroom and tied off the condom before wrapping it in tissue and putting it in the trash. He wet a washcloth with warm water, wiping himself off before rinsing it and rewetting it with hot water for Ross, who was still lying spread-eagle on the bed. Reaching down, he gently wiped Ross down, cleaning him up before tossing the washcloth in Ross’s hamper.
Jared stood by the bed awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what happened next- Was he supposed to go back to the room Ross had pointed out earlier, or stay? He lingered long enough that Ross lifted his head and stared at him with a confused expression before figuring out why Jared was uncertain.
“Dude, you’re staying here tonight,” he said, standing and lifting up the blankets before laying back down. “I may not have the recovery speed of a teenager anymore, but gimme like an hour and I’ll be good to go again.”
Jared chuckled, walking to the other side of the bed and laying down. He rolled onto his side, staring at Ross for a long moment before closing his eyes. Ross rolled onto his side and nestled into Jared, and it felt right.
2010
“Welcome back to tonight’s special airing of Behind The Music. I’m your host, Taylor Momsen, and I’m sitting with the members of Your Heart and I, the group that won Opening Band in 2008 and went on a US tour with Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment. Just a reminder, tonight’s episode is rated M for mature audiences, and viewer discretion is advised.” Turning to Jared, Taylor brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “So, Jared- describe for me the feeling of being in Seattle that week, after a whirlwind tour of stadiums and small venues.”
“After being on the road for so long, it was great to be in one place for a few days, Taylor,” Jared said, smiling widely. “There was a laundromat near the hotel we were staying at, and it was honestly a little fun to do it myself, instead of having to hand over my duffle to someone at a hotel and hope that everything got back to the room before we left again the next morning.”
“Not the answer I was expecting, but I’ll take it,” Taylor said, looking at the camera and laughing. “You were spending every day and sometimes every night with the members of Our Lady while you were touring- Did you get a chance to take a break and do your own thing once you reached Seattle?”
Alex nodded. “Some of us went to the Market, and did the usual touristy stuff. Mike and Tom were nice enough to take me out to West Seattle, so I could make a pilgrimage to Easy Street Records. I’d always wanted to go, and they surprised me one morning by announcing that it would be a crime if no one took me while we were in town.”
“Did that surprise you, that they’d take the time to take you there?” Taylor asked, resting an elbow on the arm of her chair.
“No, not at all! The thing is, the members of OLoPA really took us under their wing when we first started touring, but they always treated us like equals. We became our own little family while we were out on the road, and that didn’t stop when we got to Seattle,” Alex said, smiling at the memory.
Chad nodded. “We never would have made it as long as we did on that tour without these guys. I mean it. Every step of the way, whenever we had questions or weren’t sure about something, these guys were there to give us advice without ever really telling us what to do, which was an awesome thing. They really had our backs, and that was such an important thing to have at that time in our lives.”
“And Alona? Was it weird, going on this tour with seven dudes? You were the only female musician on the tour; did anyone ever give you grief about it?” Taylor asked, a small frown on her face.
“Oh, not at all! It never felt weird or awkward to be the only girl there, simply because they never made it into a thing, you know? No one ever made me feel uncomfortable, or made it a point to make me feel as though I was less valued as a musician simply because of my gender. I’ve heard that it’s not always like that for other female musicians, but I was really lucky to go on tour with such fine gentlemen,” Alona said, smiling at the other members of the band on stage with her. “There was a level of respect for me and what I could do, and not only that- They listened to me when I had something to say.” She paused, smiling wistfully. “I almost feel homesick when I think back to those days on tour, if that makes sense.”
“It does, in a way,” Taylor said, nodding and smiling. “Chad, what do you remember about that week?”
Chad chuckled. “I spent a lot of the time hanging out with the other guys, but I also took off on my own and just wandered around downtown a bit. It was fun to see a lot of the different neighborhoods when we weren’t in the studio or doing press stuff, and man- Seattle girls can drink!”
“So, all in all, it was a good week before the scheduled shows,” Taylor said, laughing softly.
“Ross even had a BBQ at his house for all of the crew on the tour with us a few days before the first show, since it was the first time in a while we all got to spend some time on solid ground, without the earth moving beneath us,” Alex explained. “He even let us stay at his house when we first got there, just so we could stay in a house instead of a hotel again, even if it was just for a night.”
“So, guys. You get to Seattle, you’re sightseeing and hanging out at Ross’s house between sessions in the studio in Georgetown… Share, if you can, what happened in the studio the day before you were scheduled to play your first show in Seattle,” Taylor asked, looking at each of them in turn. Jared flinched, and tried to cover it up with a cough.
“It wasn’t... it wasn’t anything that any of us saw coming, but looking back now, it was inevitable.”
2009
OLoPA and YH&I had each booked some time in a studio in Georgetown, a neighborhood just south of Seattle, to work on some of the new material they’d been writing and performing at shows along the tour. They’d debated the merits of flying out a record producer to help with the projects, but with them only having a week, it was decided to hold off until after the European portion of the tour.
They’d just arrived at the studio and were starting to get settled in for a day of recording; there was talk about walking down the street to one of the many gastropubs in the area for lunch and beers later in the morning before getting back to work that afternoon. Jared was sitting on the couch in the studio, doodling in his notebook and working on lyrics for a new song he’s been working on, “I Could Fall.” It was the first song he’d ever written with someone specific in mind, and he was nervous about playing it for Ross later that night.
Chris and Ross were good-naturedly arguing about the wording of a phrase Ross had included in one of their new songs at the table in the center of the room; they’d been at it for the last half hour, and showed no signs of shutting up anytime soon. Mike and Ross were playing their War/Go Fish/Poker amalgamation with Alex and Chad, and the steady stream of profanity coming from that corner of the room was broken only by requests for Alona to play referee, a role she played quite happily.
There was a quick knock at the door, and Jeff strode into the room, followed by a much calmer Ruth. “So, boys and girls, you’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with,” Jeff said, spreading his arms wide with a maniacal grin on his face.
“President Obama. He wants to do another Hands Across America, and thinks we’d be the perfect faces for the campaign,” Mike said, and Chad snorted.
“Naw. Adriana Lima has reconsidered my marriage proposal now that I’m a rockstar, and wants me to meet her in Brazil for the ceremony,” Chad suggested, and flinched when Tom threw a kernel of popcorn at his face.
“Dream on, little buckaroo. It was obviously the mayor of Seattle- They want to give Jeff the key to his hometown for outstanding contributions to the arts,” Tom said expansively, and Jeff chuckled.
“And just what would those contributions be,” Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, you brought us here, didn’t you?” Tom asked with a shit-eating grin.
“Fair enough, but nope. I just got off the phone with Eddie Vedder- he heard you’re in town, and while he’s heartbroken that Ross and Chris didn’t reach out to him first, he’ll let you guys make it up to him by doing a small, under-the-radar gig with him and the rest of Pearl Jam tonight at the Showbox in Sodo.”
Ross looked like he might cry; he stood up from the table he’d been sitting at with Chris, and paced for a minute or two, his head in his hands. Chris had a smile spreading slowly across his face, and Mike and Tom were grinning at eachother like loons.
Jered… Jared felt a crushing disappointment, knowing he’d have to watch from backstage, if they were invited at all. Taking a deep breath, he plastered a big smile on his face, determined to be happy for Ross and the rest of OLoPA. Ross dropped onto the couch next to him, and Jared gave him a thumbs up.
“Yeah, I mean I guess we could fit him into our schedule,” Chris said casually. “I mean, I was planning on watching reruns of Golden Girls tonight, but I can make time for Eddie if he wants to hang out and jam for a bit.”
Ross tapped him on the knee, Jared looked up to see Ross staring up at him with a worried expression on his face. Everyone else in the room started talking at once, asking Jeff questions about the logistics of booking the Showbox so late in the day, as well as getting the word out about a last-minute show. Ross, however, never broke eye contact with Jared- He quirked an eyebrow, silently asking Jared what was going on. Jared shrugged, and looked down again at his notebook. The adult part of him knew it was unreasonable to be disappointed at the probability of not being involved with the show, but the childish part of him wanted to sulk and be sad about it. They were just getting started in the music world, and although they were making a name for themselves, they still had a long way to go before they could even pretend to be on the same level as the other two bands involved. And, after all, why would his two favorite bands want amateur hour to join their gig?
“Guys, guys. Give me a minute, okay?” Jeff said loudly, rapping his knuckles on the table. “Pearl Jam’s fan club has offered to coordinate with our street team to get the word out about the show, and I asked some of the roadies to meet us here, so we could get an idea of what would be needed to pull this off tonight.”
There was another knock at the door, and Misha walked in, taking a spot near the table where Chris was seated. Chris stood and went to sit with Chad, Mike and Tom, who were still giggling quietly and suggesting increasingly outlandish scenarios for Jeff’s call. Misha stared at Chris for a long moment, then shrugged and turned back to face Jeff.
“So, give me a rundown of what tonight is looking like- Are you wanting a full light show and pyrotechnics? Our road crew and tech team are good, but I don’t know if we could put something like that together so quickly. Although, we might still have everything saved from the last time we played Sodo, if you guys don’t mind using that set up again,” Misha said, looking through his notebook.
“We’re thinking more of a stripped-down, acoustic set up- Similar to what we did when we played Baltimore,” Jeff explained. “That keeps the costs down, and we don’t have to worry about paying extra for getting anything brought in for the show.”
Misha nodded, making notes on the page before him. “Gotcha. So, stools, spotlights, maybe a couple of amps- Our street team could bill it as something like returning to our garage band roots, I guess.”
“That works. Eddie said they’d be fine with whatever we manage to put together for a stage set-up, so we don’t have to worry about anything for them,” Jeff said, pointing to one of Misha’s notes on the page.
“Wait, Eddie who? Does he work at SoDo?” Misha asked, eyes narrowing.
“No, Misha,” Jeff said patiently. “Eddie Vedder, from Pearl Jam. He called me up and wanted to know if we could play a show with them tonight.”
“You’re shitting me,” Misha said, standing up.
Ross cleared his throat. “Would Your Heart and I be included in this invitation as well? As the opening band?” Ross’s question startled Jared; it apparently startled everyone else, because the room fell silent.
“That’s what we were thinking, but of course-” Jeff started, but Misha snorted.
“I honestly can’t believe you’re really considering doing this, Jeff. The way I see it, Pearl Jam benefits more from doing this than OLoPA does, and having Your Heart and I included just cheapens it further.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean,” Jeff turns to Misha, eyebrows raised.
“It means, Jeff,” Misha said, talking to Jeff like a child, “that Pearl Jam hasn’t toured in what, six or seven years? Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment is the biggest act in rock right now, and playing an underground show with them would get Pearl Jam’s name back in the news- Of course, Eddie Vedder wants to play a show with OLoPA- He’s a has-been.”
Jeff’s mouth was opening and closing in shock, and Ruth stared at Misha like he was something she’d stepped in.
“This band has already dealt with its share of bottom feeders and hangers-on,” Misha spat, starting to pace through the room. “Anyone not a part of this band should be begging us to play a show with them. It’s your fault we even have to deal with the infants we have trailing out of us now,” Misha said, poking Jeff in the chest with one finger. Jeff looked down, and Jared thought for a moment that Jeff was going to break Misha’s hand, but he simply stepped back.
“Dude,” Ross said, sitting up straight on the couch. “How can you stand there and rant about bottom feeders riding on the coattails of this band when that’s what you’ve been doing for years?” Jared could see what it cost Ross to say that; his shoulders were tight, and the hand he’d placed on Jared’s knee was trembling so slightly that Jared doubted anyone else could see it. He covered it with his own just in case, and squeezed gently before letting go.
“Who the hell gave you the right to speak to me like that? I’m a founding member of this band- You’re just some asshole that happened to be in the right place at the right time, tending bar at some shitty club because you couldn’t hack it the first time you tried to make it big. Instead, you had to take over a better band just to get to where you are now,” Misha said viciously, and Chris jumped up from his chair.
“Fuck you, Misha. Ross did more for this band in his first month than you did in the year you were in it,” Chris said, pushing Misha back. “Don’t forget- You’re the one who got hurt doing some dumbass contest, and then you fucking disappeared for a year. Don’t blame Ross for your own fuckup.”
“Whatever, Kane. This band never should have replaced me- you’ve lost all artistic integrity, all authenticity since you allowed this Fall Out Boy wannabe to join the band. All fans say so,” Misha sneered. “If you had any idea what the fans were saying about the music you’ve been putting out, you’d ditch Ross in a heartbeat.”
Something clicked for Jared, and he realized that Misha had been posting online under a different name, trashing the band every chance. He’d been the one starting the online petitions to replace Ross with Misha and have the band go back to doing the artsy festivals and weird concert locations. He carefully pulled out his phone and googled the username he remembered seeing everywhere, first a few years ago and then again more recently. Sometimes, being a verified SuperFan had its perks, no matter how embarrassing it could be.
He nudged Ross and handed him the phone, and Ross started thumbing through the results, reading through the first links before shaking his head and putting the phone in his lap, waiting for a chance to speak.
“We should have the children leave, Jeff. They don’t need to be a part of this any more than they already are,” Misha said, waving dismissively at Jared and the rest of Your Heart and I. “They shouldn’t have even been here today- I guess that’s just another failure in your leadership, though.”
“Screw you, Misha. After the shit you’ve pulled on this tour, and the way you’ve treated them, I’d say they deserve to be here right now, if they want to be. Putting up with your bullshit might as well be a hazing ritual, at this point,” Tom said from the corner of the room, throwing a peanut at Misha.
Jared glanced at Chad and Alex; Chad looked intrigued by all the drama, but Alex looked about as uncomfortable as Jared himself was feeling. Alona had moved to sit with Ruth on one of the other couches, and Ruth was sitting on the arm of the couch, typing away furiously on her Blackberry. Jared looked around the room for Jeff, and found him leaning against the closed door of the studio with a slight smile on his face, every line in his body promising violence if Misha tried to leave.
“Misha,” Jeff said, but Misha continued to rant. “Misha,” Jeff said louder, and the other man finally turned.
“What the fuck do you want?” Misha sneered, turning fully to face Jeff.
“I want to remind you, again, for the millionth time, that you are not now, nor have you ever been, a member of Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment. You’re a roadie, and you work the merch booth. That’s it.”
Misha scoffed. “Whatever. I know my role here, and it’s not to sell fucking t-shirts or tune guitars. You guys brought me on as a creative consultant, not that you ever actually listen to a damn thing I have to say,” he said, looking Jeff up and down.
“Misha, did you read any of the paperwork we had you sign after you went out on tour with us the first time? You are not a band member,” Jeff said slowly, enunciating each word. “You are employed by the band, although I suspect that will be changing very soon.”
“Bullshit,” Misha fired back, turning his back to Jeff.
“Dude, Misha. What did you think was going to happen, after that interview you gave to Pitchfork? The only reason we invited you to play with us on that first tour was because Ross felt bad that you hadn’t been included when we signed the first contract, man. If it wasn’t for Ross, you wouldn’t even be here at all. You’d still be in that shitty apartment in Tucson, trying to make ends meet by teaching bored housewives downward dog,” Mike said, laughing. “You’re so shitty to the one person who wanted to give you a shot- It’s hilariously sad, when you think about it.”
“We pay your living expenses, travel expenses, whatever- You’re a fucking employee. Open up one of our albums, and see if you’re listed as a band member, Misha. You’re not. You haven’t been a member of this band since we were Mischief Commandment, and you disappeared off the face of the earth for a year,” Chris said quietly, gesturing toward the other three band members in the room. Each of them nodded, and Misha’s face got red.
Taking his chance during the lull in the argument, Ross began to speak. “Rumor has it that a certain rock star with the initials CK has a bevy of groupies in every city on their tour- Can’t wait to see the paternity tests start being filed after the tour is over! Sources close to OLoPA say that band members are concerned about the drug use of their guitarist, stating that they may have to send him to rehab before the tour is over. The friends of drummer MR are claiming that he is in a tumultuous relationship with the bassist in his band, TW. Only time will tell if their fans will be as understanding as his friends seem to be!” The last one causes Mike and Tom to chuckle, Mike raising an eyebrow and Tom shrugging in reply.
With every sentence Ross read out loud, Misha’s face got progressively darker, until Jared could see the veins on his forehead pulsing. He regretted giving his phone to Ross instead of Jeff, but Ross had been closer and Jared was unsure if he could have gotten the phone to Jeff without Misha intercepting it.
“You think that a few harmless posts that I made change anything, pretty boy? Who do you think has been keeping your faces in the news? Any press is good press, especially for a shitshow of a band like this one. You should be grateful that you’re still able to book the venues you are, and have the fanbase that you do, considering you have someone like him in your band,” Misha said, gesturing towards Ross.
“I think we’ve heard enough, don’t you?” Jeff said, pushing off the closed door and walking to where Misha was standing. Misha stared up at him defiantly, a strange little smirk on his face. “Misha, please pack your shit and go. You’re fired.”
“You can’t fire me, you has-been. I fucking quit. Misha turned to look at everyone in the room, stopping and eyeing Ross with a malicious grin. “You’re going to fucking regret this, all of you. Just wait, you’ll see- You’re going to regret this.”
With that, Misha stormed out of the room, and Jared was left with a gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach.
There was silence in the room for a few moments, then Jeff sighed and sat down heavily in a chair at the table. “Guys, I think now is a good time to have this conversation. I was hoping to have it after the shows in Seattle were over, but, well…” Jeff chuckled mirthlessly, running a hand over his face and rubbing at his stubble. “Now’s as good a time as any. The label called, and asked if Your Heart and I wanted to join the Canadian and European legs of the Infinity Tour. The US tour has been more of a success than they originally anticipated, and they’re eager to keep the momentum going for both bands.”
Jared made eye contact with Alona, who nodded slowly. Chad and Alex did as well, and Jared grinned. “If you guys don’t mind babysitting for just a little bit longer, yeah- I think we’d love that. Ruth, what do you think?”
Ruth looked up from her Blackberry, smiling widely. “I think it’s a bonnie idea, Jared. I’ve just been chatting with your legal department, and they agree that there should be no reason why the contract for the tour can’t be amended to include the European dates, provided that nasty man has nothing to do with it,” she said, shuddering. “Good riddance.”
“I think we’re going to have to take a raincheck on the show with Eddie, though,” Ross said, a note of regret in his voice. “As awesome as it would be to play with him tonight, I think we should all take a night off to relax before the show tomorrow.”
The mood in the room was somber, but everyone nodded their agreement. “Alright, guys- I’m going to pay the studio for the full day, but let’s get out of here, yeah? This was just for fun, and there’s nothing that says we have to stick around here.”
Jared started to gather his things, and nudged Ross to catch his attention. “You good, man?”
Ross nodded, a small frown on his face. “Yeah, I’m good. Listen, I’m gonna head back to my place for a bit- There’s a few things I need to take care of. Let’s meet up for dinner later?” He said, standing and sliding his backpack over one shoulder.
“Yeah, that works. I’ll catch you later, then.” Jared watched as Ross stopped to whisper something to Jeff, who nodded once Ross was done speaking. Clapping Ross on his back, Jeff stepped aside so Ross could leave the room.