Oh, so much inside of me
I didn't think that I would ever say that I don't really care that much that I'm back in Newtown. Considering the way that I missed Newtown and home last year, I'm shocked at my reaction to being home this year. Yes, it's nice to be home, but it doesn't feel the same and Newtown is starting to just feel like the town that my parents live in and less like my hometown. That's a sad feeling, but it is how I've felt this past week. This being said, it has been very nice to be home. There is, as usual, a lot to do. I spent Wednesday with Annie and Jennie, which was great because I just love being with that baby! She's seriously the cutest baby ever--and I'm not just saying that! Annie and I had a lot of good discussion in the car (we had to go to Bridgeport, so it was a long drive) about marriage and relationships and such. I've decided that I'm very okay with waiting until I'm a bit older to get married. Though Annie first got married at 21, her second marriage was when she was 35 and she says she is really glad that she waited until she, and Peter, were older to get married and start a family. I used to think that I had to get married at 21 like my mom, but now I am content with waiting. I want the man I marry to love to be with me and to be in love with me every day. I don't want that "in love" feeling to ever go away. I haven't found someone like that yet, so I've decided that waiting is not such a bad thing. I also have so much to do in the next 10 years! Gosh, I want to finish school, get my masters, teach for a while, maybe get my PhD...I can wait to settle down, start a family, buy a house, all that jazz.
I was watching that "A Home for the Holidays" concert on TV last night, and I saw all those kids that need to be adopted and I decided that I am definitely adopting. And I'll adopt older kids--what the heck! Kids are kids and I love 'em all. These kids were so sweet too. One of the girls said that when she has a mom, her mom is going to come in a give her a kiss every night before she goes to bed. And I'm thinking to myself, I could be that mom! I mean, not yet, but I want to be that mom to someone! I want to give kids a home and I know that I could love them as my own, no problem.
This week I've had a lot of time to just think and I am having all of these feelings about my life and who I want to be. I want to be a teacher, yes, but I really want to be a good wife and a mom to whatever kids need me. I don't feel a strong desire to have my own children anymore, even though I thought that I wanted that for so long. I feel a stronger desire to take in the kids that are already in this world and have no one. Why have more kids when there are already kids here who need someone to love them? I don't know--these are my thoughts of the moment, but we all know how they change. Next week I'll want to be a nun again!
Today Mom and I went Christmas shopping for some last minute stuff. I picked out a sweater and a shirt that Mom's going to wrap up for Christmas--hehe. Hey, they were on sale and I really liked them! She already has plenty of presents for me--apparently I'm the easiest to shop for--but we bought the clothes anyway. She was like, "Jenn, you always have the most presents under the tree!" It is true, I do, but that's because, as Mom says, I'm fun to shop for and I like everything! So I'm excited to get to wear my new sweater like, the day after Christmas:)
Kaitlin is coming home late tonight and I'm really excited to see her and spend the day with her tomorrow. Every girl deserves a big sister as awesome as mine, and if you don't have one, I'll try to be a stand-in for you (all my only children out there!).
Mom and I also bought this silly puffy vest thing for my brother's dog who is coming for Christmas. Well, she's not really James' dog, but his roommate's, so since she is going to Florida to be with her family, James got the dog. Her name is Friday and, though I haven't met her yet, I'm told she's very cute. Mom and I saw the doggie clothes in Target and we just couldn't resist! Mom justified it by saying that it's going to be cold in VT next week so Friday will need something warm to wear. In reality, Mom just thought the vest was as cute as I did.
I was watching that "A Home for the Holidays" concert on TV last night, and I saw all those kids that need to be adopted and I decided that I am definitely adopting. And I'll adopt older kids--what the heck! Kids are kids and I love 'em all. These kids were so sweet too. One of the girls said that when she has a mom, her mom is going to come in a give her a kiss every night before she goes to bed. And I'm thinking to myself, I could be that mom! I mean, not yet, but I want to be that mom to someone! I want to give kids a home and I know that I could love them as my own, no problem.
This week I've had a lot of time to just think and I am having all of these feelings about my life and who I want to be. I want to be a teacher, yes, but I really want to be a good wife and a mom to whatever kids need me. I don't feel a strong desire to have my own children anymore, even though I thought that I wanted that for so long. I feel a stronger desire to take in the kids that are already in this world and have no one. Why have more kids when there are already kids here who need someone to love them? I don't know--these are my thoughts of the moment, but we all know how they change. Next week I'll want to be a nun again!
Today Mom and I went Christmas shopping for some last minute stuff. I picked out a sweater and a shirt that Mom's going to wrap up for Christmas--hehe. Hey, they were on sale and I really liked them! She already has plenty of presents for me--apparently I'm the easiest to shop for--but we bought the clothes anyway. She was like, "Jenn, you always have the most presents under the tree!" It is true, I do, but that's because, as Mom says, I'm fun to shop for and I like everything! So I'm excited to get to wear my new sweater like, the day after Christmas:)
Kaitlin is coming home late tonight and I'm really excited to see her and spend the day with her tomorrow. Every girl deserves a big sister as awesome as mine, and if you don't have one, I'll try to be a stand-in for you (all my only children out there!).
Mom and I also bought this silly puffy vest thing for my brother's dog who is coming for Christmas. Well, she's not really James' dog, but his roommate's, so since she is going to Florida to be with her family, James got the dog. Her name is Friday and, though I haven't met her yet, I'm told she's very cute. Mom and I saw the doggie clothes in Target and we just couldn't resist! Mom justified it by saying that it's going to be cold in VT next week so Friday will need something warm to wear. In reality, Mom just thought the vest was as cute as I did.