dishonoring the family namemojobearJuly 18 2004, 10:43:23 UTC
You are being very mature and adult, proof that your decisions are not those of a child. My mother exploded upon discovering her son's "dirty shameful secret", for 8 long years I was dis-owned. I left the family immediately and never returned, although my sister and I secretly stayed in contact. I joined the militia (Army) and thus covered my school, medical needs and personal finances. I received a call one night that my garndmother was dying. I was in Germany, by the time my flight set down in the states- she was gone. I hadn't seen her for 4 years and I would never see her again. Comming home was the worst time of my entire life, and again I returned to my military career- free of my family and it's influences.
Some time later, after I had parted from the military and had set up a household with a lover in a trailer park in Clarksville TN. I worked 1.5 hours from my home (3 hr drive to/from) I was attending a company xmas party when my mother (geting the number from my sister) called to talk to me.
She ended up haveing a 2 hour conversation with my lover, in such she discovered that he could not attend company functions with me as I would lose my job if I were discovered to be gay. She began understanding that all this wasn't a 'choice' in life, no-one chooses the lifestyle- we are who we are.
So all in all it took 8 years for my family to 'come around' and now, you can ask any of my partners- my family is more comfortable with my lifestyle, than I am!
BUT- I choose to fight them. I exhiled myself to prove my own worth, to prove a point. I used the military, where i was stripped of my dignity, forced into the most homophobic existance one can imagine and stopped being me, just to spite them all. I'll always wonder how it would have turned out if I had handled things differently....
You're making a smart and logical choice given the circumstances, I know Ed understands and in time your family's influence will ebb. Make the best of what you have and make sure it is blatantly clear to your family what YOU are doing to make THEM happy. They need to understand that all the kharmic weight they are tossing around is only thiers for a futilly short time.
If you (or Ed) need a shoulder, a Kleenex™, a reassuring word or a couch to crash on- ours are always available.
Some time later, after I had parted from the military and had set up a household with a lover in a trailer park in Clarksville TN. I worked 1.5 hours from my home (3 hr drive to/from) I was attending a company xmas party when my mother (geting the number from my sister) called to talk to me.
She ended up haveing a 2 hour conversation with my lover, in such she discovered that he could not attend company functions with me as I would lose my job if I were discovered to be gay. She began understanding that all this wasn't a 'choice' in life, no-one chooses the lifestyle- we are who we are.
So all in all it took 8 years for my family to 'come around' and now, you can ask any of my partners- my family is more comfortable with my lifestyle, than I am!
BUT- I choose to fight them. I exhiled myself to prove my own worth, to prove a point. I used the military, where i was stripped of my dignity, forced into the most homophobic existance one can imagine and stopped being me, just to spite them all. I'll always wonder how it would have turned out if I had handled things differently....
You're making a smart and logical choice given the circumstances, I know Ed understands and in time your family's influence will ebb. Make the best of what you have and make sure it is blatantly clear to your family what YOU are doing to make THEM happy. They need to understand that all the kharmic weight they are tossing around is only thiers for a futilly short time.
If you (or Ed) need a shoulder, a Kleenex™, a reassuring word or a couch to crash on- ours are always available.
-Mb
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