(no subject)
Argh...
I can't go to sleep with tears still in my eyes. Just can't. Won't do it.
I promised myself at least 8 years ago that I would never waste tears on someone who didn't deserve them, and that I would NEVER under ANY circumstances cry myself to sleep. I'm better than that. I'm worth more than that.
...so why can't I convince myself of that and stop crying? Why do I need a guy to tell me that before I believe it?
This is what I don't know--does he deserve them? I think so...
When Callie said "Don't cry over him, Allison--he sure as hell doesn't cry over you..." I had to run and find a bathroom to sit in for a few minutes until it passed over me. Was she wrong?
WHEN DID I GET THIS FREAKING EMOTIONAL!? I'm not like this!!! I'm not this person, I swear.
I don't need anybody.
I don't WANT anybody.
...I'll just force all emotion out of my system, so I'll never get hurt, and I'll never get worked up, and I'll do well in school and I'll make a lot of money, and I'll buy a puppy farm and I'll just read a lot of books.
I won't be happy, but I won't be this fucking depressed, either... All things considered, that's a better option, isn't it?
I can't go to sleep with tears still in my eyes. Just can't. Won't do it.
I promised myself at least 8 years ago that I would never waste tears on someone who didn't deserve them, and that I would NEVER under ANY circumstances cry myself to sleep. I'm better than that. I'm worth more than that.
...so why can't I convince myself of that and stop crying? Why do I need a guy to tell me that before I believe it?
This is what I don't know--does he deserve them? I think so...
When Callie said "Don't cry over him, Allison--he sure as hell doesn't cry over you..." I had to run and find a bathroom to sit in for a few minutes until it passed over me. Was she wrong?
WHEN DID I GET THIS FREAKING EMOTIONAL!? I'm not like this!!! I'm not this person, I swear.
I don't need anybody.
I don't WANT anybody.
...I'll just force all emotion out of my system, so I'll never get hurt, and I'll never get worked up, and I'll do well in school and I'll make a lot of money, and I'll buy a puppy farm and I'll just read a lot of books.
I won't be happy, but I won't be this fucking depressed, either... All things considered, that's a better option, isn't it?