The Disciplining of Children
Everyone has their own parenting style and sense of right and wrong. While I, myself, am not a parent, and may never be, I do have some ideas on the proper ways to discipline children.
In this essay, I shall discuss several forms of disciplining children, including hitting/spanking, time out, grounding and punishments. Note that, for the sake of being concise, I'm using one gender, but this applies to boys and girls alike.
Hitting is less common, at least in America, than it used to be. But it's still a widely used form of discipline, to one degree or another. I personally believe in torture for adults who have committed certain types of crimes, including abuse of children, the elderly, the disabled, and/or animals, rape and murder. I think 16 is old enough to understand the consequences of such actions and to suffer the appropriate punishment for them if committed. But there's a huge difference between punishing a violent criminal and punishing a child, so the remedies must reflect this. Very rarely do I ever support the hitting of children. Even in cases where I do, I strongly believe it should be limited to a quick smack with the hand. Any use of other objects, such as belts, brushes, spoons, flip flops, or even shirts or rags, constitutes abuse to me. Sadly, there are actually still young people in this world who support such actions as a means of discipline. Some of my examples above came from them. Once you leve marks on a child that don't go away after half an hour or so, you've become an abuser and should be punished accordingly. I'm sure that, knowing that I'm an ethnikofron, some of you will point out that The Colonels most definitely hit their children, probably with objects. But the youngest of them would have been 93! Clearly, they came from a different time, when this kind of parenting strategy was widely accepted, and also grew up in villages, so weren't really exposed to the outside world. Not all modern ideas are bad, and I should hope that we've progressed in that area of thinking since then. Personally, the only time I could see myself really hitting a child would be if he ran out into the street. I would probably grab him and smack him once across the face. In my case, it would be done out of extreme fear, not only for the safety of the child, but due to the fact that I wouldn't be able to stop him from doing it again, since I couldn't see him. It's far better for a child to receive a single smack, or even two, from a frightened parent than to die after being hit by a car!
The idea of time out, or sitting still, is often used on children who misbehave. Its' affectiveness depends on several factors. Some children are very social and love being with their friends, playing games etc. So if they have to sit still, it really upsets them and they are able to quickly learn the lesson. Others are very imaginative so can easily pretend things or think of other things while they're in time out. This is especially true of introverts who may not wish to play with other children, but rather, to get away from them. But even when the child hates it, constant use of this form of discipline can be harmful. At best, the child will stop fearing it and may think that he can go back to having fun after a few minutes. In the worst case, it could make children afraid that no matter what they do, they'll get in trouble. So, as with all forms of discipline, this must be used only when appropriate.
One of the best forms of disciplining, in my opinion, for serious or recurring bad behaviour, is taking things away and making the child earn them back. Considering all the toys and technological gear that children have today, this can be an interesting form of punishment. It may be one or two beloved things at first, and if the bad behaviour continues, more things can be taken. But they should never include novels or educational books and must be things that the child truly loves and will miss. As the childs' behaviour improves, these things can be returned. If only one or two things have been taken, it's best to let the child know that he is on a probational period, a few days to a week. At any time, should the bad behaviour return, the object/s must be taken again. But once that period has passed, you should let him know that you're proud and glad that he has learned responsibility and the lesson that you were trying to teach. If, however, you truly believe that he has learned this before hand, and if he comes to you with a genuine apology, you should sconsider starting the probationary period earlier than planned. Remember, the ultimate goal of any form of discipline in children is not simply punishment but to get them to understand what they did wrong and why it angered you.
One of the most drastic ways of punishing a child is grounding. This may, in very severe cases, be used in conjunction with taking things away, including computer time. While this won't work in the same way for an introvert, he may still like to go to certain places to enjoy nature or to read. Reading should never be discouraged, nor should going to the library. But in that case, if possible, the parent should take the name of a book or two and get it for the child, so that he feels limited and cannot enjoy the freedom of spending time in the library. For most children, however, merely not being able to play with their friends is their idea of torture. So it can be a very affective means of getting a point across if used wisely.
If, during a grounding or a time when many things are taken away, a child starts to complain, there's an easy and painless solution. Make him/her do chores! Of course, I don't mean anything too strenuous, or for hours at a time. But there is bound to be a whole list of things that children can do to remain busy and help their parents. Writing something x amount of times is also a decent form of punishment, provided the amount isn't extreme. and the sentence isn't too long. Doing this will also leave an impression in the childs' mind of what it is that he mustn't do. Blind children can do this as well, using a slate and stylus, though their times should be reduced.
While not exactly related to the methods of disciplining, rules are an important part of a childs' life. That said, I believe that the best way to teach a child something is to live it. If you tell him not to litter, don't throw things wherever. If you say that he must make his bed, then you should do likewise. If you believe that children shouldn't use profanity, don't do it around them and use the excuse that, since you're an adult, it's fine for you but not for them. Respect is also key. Don't expect your child to respect Aunt Maria if you keep calling her a jerk, and don't treat your child as if he is worth any less just because he is younger than you. If you wish to be respected, you need to give it in return. At the same time, you need to enforce the idea that you are not your childs' friend, but rather, his parent. He will make plenty of friends in the future, but there's only one you. He needs to know that and that he can rely on you to stay around, unlike friends who come and go. While you should be tough and stand your ground, you should also take the time to point out your childs' accomplishments. If all your child sees you as is a disciplinarian and if he fears rather than loves you, you're not doing your job.
To conclude, there are many methods of disciplining children besideshitting hitting and violence. Some should be used more frequently than others and each has its' own benefits and drawbacks. Keeping this in mind, and bring up a child with love and respect is almost guaranteed to insure positive results for all.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
In this essay, I shall discuss several forms of disciplining children, including hitting/spanking, time out, grounding and punishments. Note that, for the sake of being concise, I'm using one gender, but this applies to boys and girls alike.
Hitting is less common, at least in America, than it used to be. But it's still a widely used form of discipline, to one degree or another. I personally believe in torture for adults who have committed certain types of crimes, including abuse of children, the elderly, the disabled, and/or animals, rape and murder. I think 16 is old enough to understand the consequences of such actions and to suffer the appropriate punishment for them if committed. But there's a huge difference between punishing a violent criminal and punishing a child, so the remedies must reflect this. Very rarely do I ever support the hitting of children. Even in cases where I do, I strongly believe it should be limited to a quick smack with the hand. Any use of other objects, such as belts, brushes, spoons, flip flops, or even shirts or rags, constitutes abuse to me. Sadly, there are actually still young people in this world who support such actions as a means of discipline. Some of my examples above came from them. Once you leve marks on a child that don't go away after half an hour or so, you've become an abuser and should be punished accordingly. I'm sure that, knowing that I'm an ethnikofron, some of you will point out that The Colonels most definitely hit their children, probably with objects. But the youngest of them would have been 93! Clearly, they came from a different time, when this kind of parenting strategy was widely accepted, and also grew up in villages, so weren't really exposed to the outside world. Not all modern ideas are bad, and I should hope that we've progressed in that area of thinking since then. Personally, the only time I could see myself really hitting a child would be if he ran out into the street. I would probably grab him and smack him once across the face. In my case, it would be done out of extreme fear, not only for the safety of the child, but due to the fact that I wouldn't be able to stop him from doing it again, since I couldn't see him. It's far better for a child to receive a single smack, or even two, from a frightened parent than to die after being hit by a car!
The idea of time out, or sitting still, is often used on children who misbehave. Its' affectiveness depends on several factors. Some children are very social and love being with their friends, playing games etc. So if they have to sit still, it really upsets them and they are able to quickly learn the lesson. Others are very imaginative so can easily pretend things or think of other things while they're in time out. This is especially true of introverts who may not wish to play with other children, but rather, to get away from them. But even when the child hates it, constant use of this form of discipline can be harmful. At best, the child will stop fearing it and may think that he can go back to having fun after a few minutes. In the worst case, it could make children afraid that no matter what they do, they'll get in trouble. So, as with all forms of discipline, this must be used only when appropriate.
One of the best forms of disciplining, in my opinion, for serious or recurring bad behaviour, is taking things away and making the child earn them back. Considering all the toys and technological gear that children have today, this can be an interesting form of punishment. It may be one or two beloved things at first, and if the bad behaviour continues, more things can be taken. But they should never include novels or educational books and must be things that the child truly loves and will miss. As the childs' behaviour improves, these things can be returned. If only one or two things have been taken, it's best to let the child know that he is on a probational period, a few days to a week. At any time, should the bad behaviour return, the object/s must be taken again. But once that period has passed, you should let him know that you're proud and glad that he has learned responsibility and the lesson that you were trying to teach. If, however, you truly believe that he has learned this before hand, and if he comes to you with a genuine apology, you should sconsider starting the probationary period earlier than planned. Remember, the ultimate goal of any form of discipline in children is not simply punishment but to get them to understand what they did wrong and why it angered you.
One of the most drastic ways of punishing a child is grounding. This may, in very severe cases, be used in conjunction with taking things away, including computer time. While this won't work in the same way for an introvert, he may still like to go to certain places to enjoy nature or to read. Reading should never be discouraged, nor should going to the library. But in that case, if possible, the parent should take the name of a book or two and get it for the child, so that he feels limited and cannot enjoy the freedom of spending time in the library. For most children, however, merely not being able to play with their friends is their idea of torture. So it can be a very affective means of getting a point across if used wisely.
If, during a grounding or a time when many things are taken away, a child starts to complain, there's an easy and painless solution. Make him/her do chores! Of course, I don't mean anything too strenuous, or for hours at a time. But there is bound to be a whole list of things that children can do to remain busy and help their parents. Writing something x amount of times is also a decent form of punishment, provided the amount isn't extreme. and the sentence isn't too long. Doing this will also leave an impression in the childs' mind of what it is that he mustn't do. Blind children can do this as well, using a slate and stylus, though their times should be reduced.
While not exactly related to the methods of disciplining, rules are an important part of a childs' life. That said, I believe that the best way to teach a child something is to live it. If you tell him not to litter, don't throw things wherever. If you say that he must make his bed, then you should do likewise. If you believe that children shouldn't use profanity, don't do it around them and use the excuse that, since you're an adult, it's fine for you but not for them. Respect is also key. Don't expect your child to respect Aunt Maria if you keep calling her a jerk, and don't treat your child as if he is worth any less just because he is younger than you. If you wish to be respected, you need to give it in return. At the same time, you need to enforce the idea that you are not your childs' friend, but rather, his parent. He will make plenty of friends in the future, but there's only one you. He needs to know that and that he can rely on you to stay around, unlike friends who come and go. While you should be tough and stand your ground, you should also take the time to point out your childs' accomplishments. If all your child sees you as is a disciplinarian and if he fears rather than loves you, you're not doing your job.
To conclude, there are many methods of disciplining children besideshitting hitting and violence. Some should be used more frequently than others and each has its' own benefits and drawbacks. Keeping this in mind, and bring up a child with love and respect is almost guaranteed to insure positive results for all.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.