(no subject)
hoooooly shit. it's been a long time since i LJ'd, but i feel like getting some shit out right now.
There were a lot of times that I said I was over Luke's relationship with Cortney and I didn't mean it. I said often that I didn't care about her or didn't have a problem with her, and that was a lie. Guess that's an argument for the theory that emotion and logic are seperate entities and can work in conjunction or against each other. This car accident she got into though... I don't know. I guess it reminded me that she's just a person, and she's her OWN person, not the awful monster I made her out to be in my mind. It's also been strange being in her position now, with my relationship with Matt and his crazy ex Sandy. The night of my birthday, the night she slit her wrists because Matt and I are dating, the night we talked for 2 hours about who each of us were with and without Matt... it helped me to step outside both situation (with Cortney/Luke, and with Sandy/Matt) and have more of an objective view on everything. I told Sandy that I really did respect her that night for sitting and talking to me and opening up to me... because I've been in her situation and I've been a complete cunt. So I guess this is it, my formal apology to Cortney. I doubt that any "sorry" is going to make up for what a complete bitch I've been to you, especially since I don't even know you... but I really am sorry. I never wanted to be that kind of person and turning into that made me so ugly... most sincere apologies, from the bottom of my heart.
Matt and I talked today about moving to Orlando... goal date: January 1st. More on that when developments occur.
Know what's ridiculous? When your a/c doesn't work and you live in Florida. This weekend, it's been at LEAST 87* in the house ALL DAY.
The third was my birthday... I'm 19 now! Doesn't really feel any different... I'm just ready to get this shit together and move out and all that bullshit, you know? It's just time, to grow old and grow up.
Saw the fucking Reverend Horton Heat on the 10th... FUCKING AMAZING!!! It was probably the best show I've ever seen, with the instruments flying and being stood on and just, insanity. Going to see Dave Chapelle on October 10th, which also should rock me like a hurricane. Like a real hurricane, not these pussy fucks that have been rollin through Florida as of late.
Thanks to rains from Hurricane Ivan, my childhood home... is gone.
75 years: Grandmother's age
50 years: how long her house has been standing
7: number of her own children raised in that house
15: number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren who first called that house a home
1: husband died in that house
1: child buried while living there
THOUSANDS: number of memories had, good and bad in that house, that can never be replaced
35: 6 feet above flood lever for the Three Rivers in Pittsburgh; also, the number of feet that the 3 Rivers crested to.
6: feet of water in my grandmother's home
4: AM, the time my grandmother was awoken and evacuated, without time to save anything.
I keep trying to tell myself that it's just *stuff*, that I'm lucky the my grama's still alive, and I am... but it's hard to think about how long and hard she's worked, for what little she had, and it's all gone.
I'll never see that house again. No crimson couch, no PBS-painting-program-esque happy pine tree painting above that couch. No cast iron bathtub with no shower head and rolled feet, no butter cookies in the Snoopy jar.
I grew up there, and then just next door when my mom and I moved out of that house. I was there every single day of my childhood. And now, it's gone. and I really have no idea where to go from there.
I wish I was home.
I don't really have anything else I want to talk about I guess. Maybe I'll start updating more often. Maybe.
No reason to stay is a good reason to go...
There were a lot of times that I said I was over Luke's relationship with Cortney and I didn't mean it. I said often that I didn't care about her or didn't have a problem with her, and that was a lie. Guess that's an argument for the theory that emotion and logic are seperate entities and can work in conjunction or against each other. This car accident she got into though... I don't know. I guess it reminded me that she's just a person, and she's her OWN person, not the awful monster I made her out to be in my mind. It's also been strange being in her position now, with my relationship with Matt and his crazy ex Sandy. The night of my birthday, the night she slit her wrists because Matt and I are dating, the night we talked for 2 hours about who each of us were with and without Matt... it helped me to step outside both situation (with Cortney/Luke, and with Sandy/Matt) and have more of an objective view on everything. I told Sandy that I really did respect her that night for sitting and talking to me and opening up to me... because I've been in her situation and I've been a complete cunt. So I guess this is it, my formal apology to Cortney. I doubt that any "sorry" is going to make up for what a complete bitch I've been to you, especially since I don't even know you... but I really am sorry. I never wanted to be that kind of person and turning into that made me so ugly... most sincere apologies, from the bottom of my heart.
Matt and I talked today about moving to Orlando... goal date: January 1st. More on that when developments occur.
Know what's ridiculous? When your a/c doesn't work and you live in Florida. This weekend, it's been at LEAST 87* in the house ALL DAY.
The third was my birthday... I'm 19 now! Doesn't really feel any different... I'm just ready to get this shit together and move out and all that bullshit, you know? It's just time, to grow old and grow up.
Saw the fucking Reverend Horton Heat on the 10th... FUCKING AMAZING!!! It was probably the best show I've ever seen, with the instruments flying and being stood on and just, insanity. Going to see Dave Chapelle on October 10th, which also should rock me like a hurricane. Like a real hurricane, not these pussy fucks that have been rollin through Florida as of late.
Thanks to rains from Hurricane Ivan, my childhood home... is gone.
75 years: Grandmother's age
50 years: how long her house has been standing
7: number of her own children raised in that house
15: number of grandchildren and great-grandchildren who first called that house a home
1: husband died in that house
1: child buried while living there
THOUSANDS: number of memories had, good and bad in that house, that can never be replaced
35: 6 feet above flood lever for the Three Rivers in Pittsburgh; also, the number of feet that the 3 Rivers crested to.
6: feet of water in my grandmother's home
4: AM, the time my grandmother was awoken and evacuated, without time to save anything.
I keep trying to tell myself that it's just *stuff*, that I'm lucky the my grama's still alive, and I am... but it's hard to think about how long and hard she's worked, for what little she had, and it's all gone.
I'll never see that house again. No crimson couch, no PBS-painting-program-esque happy pine tree painting above that couch. No cast iron bathtub with no shower head and rolled feet, no butter cookies in the Snoopy jar.
I grew up there, and then just next door when my mom and I moved out of that house. I was there every single day of my childhood. And now, it's gone. and I really have no idea where to go from there.
I wish I was home.
I don't really have anything else I want to talk about I guess. Maybe I'll start updating more often. Maybe.
No reason to stay is a good reason to go...