Hello May
It's supposed to be 80 degrees out today, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen. It's only 56 right now. I went out for coffee (my milk went bad at home and I don't drink coffee black, so I am going out for coffee until I do my weekly food shopping) and it was so cold out there. I put on a t-shirt dress, but now I have a cardigan and socks on. It's also supposed to be sunny out, but right now it's cloudy and feels like rain. I wonder when things will warm up. They are supposed to cool down for the weekend regardless of today's little burst of warmth.
As I said in a previous post, I'm starting what I think is my last month of PT. I am still in pain, but I do have more mobility. I am not where I had hoped I would be by now. A month ago I felt I was making great progress. My doctor and therapist were impressed. Now it feels stagnant.
I hope I don't need more therapy or more x-rays and doctor visits after my visit on the 28th. I can't afford it. Supposedly I have hit my deductible and out-of-pocket limit on insurance, but that only seems to apply to certain expenses. My prescriptions seem to be free, but that's about it. I had almost $1500 to pay for the hospital bill. I put myself on a payment plan for that. It will be $104 per month until June of next year. (I am hoping once my car is paid off in October I can pay the balance on the medical bill, but for now I will have to suck it up.)
I met with my manager yesterday. For weeks she has been telling me she has been optimistic my raise is going to happen this year. Employee surveys have been complaining about compensation. She has been advocating for me. I had a great review. Yesterday she confirmed that it's not going to happen. They are supposedly more willing to consider promotions for interested, but I am not interested in becoming an account manager or an analyst and those are the only two options open to me. I would be interested in becoming a team leader, but there are no positions open for that. Supposedly there have been talks of a new pay structure system with the new global head of HR, but any changes will not be put into place until next year.
I have to continue to budget out every penny months in advance because I have to know exactly how much discretionary cash I will have every month. I know I could rely on Kevin more. He constantly offers, but I feel bad asking for help when he already handles well over half the household bills. Plus if this floor replacement ever happens he will be the one paying for the whole thing. Things have been slow at work as well. He hasn't brought in any new clients for a month or two and it makes him nervous - plus he's not earning commissions.
I do budget out treats for myself. I decide what I can afford and when I will buy it. Some things I buy right away. Some things I buy after the credit card bill is paid and pay with a credit card and put that on next month's budget. I dug myself a little bit of a hole this month though. Howard Jones (with ABC and Haircut 100) is playing at the Capitol Theater in September and I didn't want to miss it. That was probably a bigger treat than I could afford. I will let Kevin cover that one, but I told him to wait until this month's credit card bill comes due. I'm afraid of spending that money if another bill comes up beforehand.
This is why I am so obsessed with tracking my fitness these days. I want that $300 reward from my insurance company. I have to laugh because $300 is less than a month of PT copays. Once the money comes in I have no idea if I will use it for a big treat or if I will merely use it for some kind of normal expense. If I earn the maximum daily and weekly rewards every week (which I have been faithfully doing), I still won't get the full value until July. My one vacation this year is in July, so maybe I will use it for vacation expenses.
I will be happy to get into a more vigorous fitness routine. My arms look so flabby now. My legs are still in decent shape because I have been doing unweighted leg work all along, but even that is starting to be less effective. I can't add weight, so my body has adapted. I am back in dance class (no port de bras) and I do dance workout videos as well as walking for cardio. It keeps a basic level of fitness, but I like to be fitter than this.
I didn't gain weight during my convalescence. I actually lost a pound or two in the worst of it. My CookUnity meals were all I ate and they were calorie controlled. Now that I am cooking again and making whatever I want, plus I am out and about and buying special snacks now and then, I put those pounds back on. I am about 142 right now. With my diminishing muscle tone I have increased girth everywhere but my thighs, which still have a bit of definition. I want to ride and lift weights again.
There is part of me that is afraid to ride again. I'm afraid of falling off and hurting myself. That fear is rooted in practicality. I don't want to fall and hurt myself and be out of shape again. I also don't want to fall and hurt myself and have months of medical bills again. Riding is an expensive sport not only because of the cost of maintaining a horse, but because it has a high risk of injury and injuries are expensive!