I hope you will forget, things I still lack
I have been trying for a while to log into this and maybe a month or two ago I started putting in the username and password and it just worked. Then I needed to replace my phone and i forgot it again. Just now I'm laying in a hotel room in Tilton NH feeling well lonely and depressed, figuring why not give it another go and like it was nothing I just entered everything correctly. Needless to say I will be putting the username and password in my notes lol
Anyways I am in NH attending a course for work so I can become a certified technician. It's mercruiser systems part of the Mercury program at lakes region tech college in Laconia. After I've completed this one I will only have two more to go! Then it's big money time haha.
Well being isolated for a few days alone up north I guess isn't helping my mental health. It's strange really because at times I find myself needing some "me" time which should be like a few hours or a day. But when I get too much "me" time as in days even close to a week. That's when I really dig deep and start feeling hurt and just completely depressed. It then makes me just want to push people away and stay isolated, feeling that maybe my life is better this way so I don't spread this.
I went to school for psychology, i found it fascinating and as most of
You all know I became interested in the field because of my highschool relationship. Sometimes when I find myself in certain places I think back on those days, being so close to Littleton and Vermont brings me back about eight years.
I do know what my issue is, then again it's not an issue, nothing is an issue in mental health terms it's just our individual way of processing things we are all different. So what's been going on with me is not being able to let go of the past, a specific time period of my past that I hold onto dearly and to be quite honest I'm thinking maybe it's a mix of not wanting to let it go and now that it's manifested so deep that I truly can't let go even if I tried.
I just don't think I will ever love someone the way I loved her, and that creates an internal conflict where I feel uncomfortable because now I feel it's unfair to whomever I'm with because I know that person cares for me or so I think they do and I know that I can't give 110% in return and occasionally I'll think of her when I'm with said girlfriend and that's not fair to said girlfriend. I also don't want to get hurt again, and I know in my heart that a piece of my heart will always belong to her whether she knows it or not. My last words to her the day we officially broke up were "I've always loved you and I always will"
I have been talking to this one girl, it's been nice. She's laid back with a good sense of humor we get along really well. Sometimes I feel like she says too much or maybe jokes when she shouldn't so then I feel a little awkward about having a serious feeling. So in a sense im holding back because I have started to get some serious feelings, like I miss her at times and think of her and all that, I do care for her at some level. But if I bring something up like saying hey I miss you she may come back and say something that I guess doesn't rub me the right way. So idk, I just can't get close. I haven't been able to for some time honestly.
That's all I've got for now I'm exhausted
Anyways I am in NH attending a course for work so I can become a certified technician. It's mercruiser systems part of the Mercury program at lakes region tech college in Laconia. After I've completed this one I will only have two more to go! Then it's big money time haha.
Well being isolated for a few days alone up north I guess isn't helping my mental health. It's strange really because at times I find myself needing some "me" time which should be like a few hours or a day. But when I get too much "me" time as in days even close to a week. That's when I really dig deep and start feeling hurt and just completely depressed. It then makes me just want to push people away and stay isolated, feeling that maybe my life is better this way so I don't spread this.
I went to school for psychology, i found it fascinating and as most of
You all know I became interested in the field because of my highschool relationship. Sometimes when I find myself in certain places I think back on those days, being so close to Littleton and Vermont brings me back about eight years.
I do know what my issue is, then again it's not an issue, nothing is an issue in mental health terms it's just our individual way of processing things we are all different. So what's been going on with me is not being able to let go of the past, a specific time period of my past that I hold onto dearly and to be quite honest I'm thinking maybe it's a mix of not wanting to let it go and now that it's manifested so deep that I truly can't let go even if I tried.
I just don't think I will ever love someone the way I loved her, and that creates an internal conflict where I feel uncomfortable because now I feel it's unfair to whomever I'm with because I know that person cares for me or so I think they do and I know that I can't give 110% in return and occasionally I'll think of her when I'm with said girlfriend and that's not fair to said girlfriend. I also don't want to get hurt again, and I know in my heart that a piece of my heart will always belong to her whether she knows it or not. My last words to her the day we officially broke up were "I've always loved you and I always will"
I have been talking to this one girl, it's been nice. She's laid back with a good sense of humor we get along really well. Sometimes I feel like she says too much or maybe jokes when she shouldn't so then I feel a little awkward about having a serious feeling. So in a sense im holding back because I have started to get some serious feelings, like I miss her at times and think of her and all that, I do care for her at some level. But if I bring something up like saying hey I miss you she may come back and say something that I guess doesn't rub me the right way. So idk, I just can't get close. I haven't been able to for some time honestly.
That's all I've got for now I'm exhausted