And we learn as we age. We've learned nothing and my body still aches.

[theonlyone21405]

It sure has been ages since I've last posted on this, let alone even log in. I find that winter is a depressing time for me. I find that I do a lot of reflecting during the winter months, a lot of memories come back. I need to talk to someone but I also don't feel like getting in depth at the moment, it's a strange feeling to want to talk but not at the same time. A lot of whats going on has to do with my relationship with heidi. I'm not over it, and probably never will be. I honestly still love her just as i told her that day we broke up back in october 2008 in the hallway of my dorm at LSC. I'll never forget that moment, how she looked, what was said and remembering the goodbye and empty feeling I had after. I remember exactly saying that I love her and always will for the rest of my life. I'm coming to find that to be true still to this day. The winter brings back that memory probably because it happened in the fall and my life was all sorts of crazy for months after that in the winter of 08/09 then our anniversary being on valentines day. I just cant get over her and I'm not sure if it's because I'm holding on or for others reasons. I just feel so conflicted and empty. I have a girlfriend now with two beautiful daughters and I feel so horrible for being depressed and having these mixed emotions but I can't seem to help it. I still feel like the best times of my life were spent with heidi and all those mutual friends we had. Anyways thats all for now, i could go on and on but not right now.

heidi if for some reason you come across this post I'm sorry and I don't want this to effect our friendship. I would never do anything to hurt you or jeopardize anything you have in life. I care about you and I'll admit I still love you but I'm fine and am totally happy for you! so please don't let this cause any awkwardness with us. then again I'm sure you probably already know this.