bricks, barlines and blood
so we're coming to the end of the semester, all this left to do:
Chemistry final
Music Theory Final
Final Skills Exam
Jury Conference
CAPP Meeting
Room Pack Up
Pre-Op
it's a lot of shit to do, but by the 15th this semester will be over. I can't believe that it's done already. it flewby!
today was a wonderful feeling of a day. i sang my level change juries today! let's just say....when i walked out i felt great. i had to ask carlos to make sure i wasn't just being overly optimistic, but i really really felt good. today was the first time that i've walked into my juries and just sang, i didn't think about technique, or any of that stuff. i thought about making music and it happened! i'm fairly proud of the work i've done this semester. i really am and i hope the professors are as well. i thank god so much, that i was able to do that...it made such a difference in the day!
i'm very lucky to have the friends that i do. i think i do a pretty good job of discerning whom i can befriend and who i can't, for various reasons but something tonight unsettled me. i felt like i was "too much" for even my own friends. which causes me to evaluate the status of my friendships. i can be very kosher and posh and proper but you know....i've done that all my life. i've sucked up to old people ALL my life...i'm tired of it. i want to just be myself and know that somebody appreciates that for what it is. tonight i questioned that...i didn't like that at all
i met a friends potential boyfriend today. it was cute, i haven't really seen anybody react to my friend the way this person did and i loved it. they dominated and submitted at the same time. this person certainly wasn't my favourite person ever, but they were genuine and kind. i appreciated that. i couldn't repeat that joke though, i really thought "adam and steve" but given the premise under which these two people met...i wasn't going to say that. that was a line i wasn't going to cross. [see i'm not that bad]. it'll be interesting to see where that goes, and such. attraction is such a funny thing. from the outside and the inside.
i do have a heart. a gooey lush, warm, beating, blood driving and driven heart. i'm not a stone wall, i have emotions. i cried last week [because of something stupid] but i did. i'm really going to try to show that, because too many people have jokingly questioned my emotions, but the thing is....i'm not sure they're joking. i think people really think i'm a brick. i'm just not. that's that. i'm different than most to say the least but i'm not a fucking brick. i'm a human too!!! those jokes are cute...but then..yeah. i do think i've been alot nicer this semester than last. i acknowledge the fact that people have feelings now, and sometimes i actively try to prevent hurting them. bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i quit.
ok...i'm tired.
jpdean
Chemistry final
Music Theory Final
Final Skills Exam
Jury Conference
CAPP Meeting
Room Pack Up
Pre-Op
it's a lot of shit to do, but by the 15th this semester will be over. I can't believe that it's done already. it flewby!
today was a wonderful feeling of a day. i sang my level change juries today! let's just say....when i walked out i felt great. i had to ask carlos to make sure i wasn't just being overly optimistic, but i really really felt good. today was the first time that i've walked into my juries and just sang, i didn't think about technique, or any of that stuff. i thought about making music and it happened! i'm fairly proud of the work i've done this semester. i really am and i hope the professors are as well. i thank god so much, that i was able to do that...it made such a difference in the day!
i'm very lucky to have the friends that i do. i think i do a pretty good job of discerning whom i can befriend and who i can't, for various reasons but something tonight unsettled me. i felt like i was "too much" for even my own friends. which causes me to evaluate the status of my friendships. i can be very kosher and posh and proper but you know....i've done that all my life. i've sucked up to old people ALL my life...i'm tired of it. i want to just be myself and know that somebody appreciates that for what it is. tonight i questioned that...i didn't like that at all
i met a friends potential boyfriend today. it was cute, i haven't really seen anybody react to my friend the way this person did and i loved it. they dominated and submitted at the same time. this person certainly wasn't my favourite person ever, but they were genuine and kind. i appreciated that. i couldn't repeat that joke though, i really thought "adam and steve" but given the premise under which these two people met...i wasn't going to say that. that was a line i wasn't going to cross. [see i'm not that bad]. it'll be interesting to see where that goes, and such. attraction is such a funny thing. from the outside and the inside.
i do have a heart. a gooey lush, warm, beating, blood driving and driven heart. i'm not a stone wall, i have emotions. i cried last week [because of something stupid] but i did. i'm really going to try to show that, because too many people have jokingly questioned my emotions, but the thing is....i'm not sure they're joking. i think people really think i'm a brick. i'm just not. that's that. i'm different than most to say the least but i'm not a fucking brick. i'm a human too!!! those jokes are cute...but then..yeah. i do think i've been alot nicer this semester than last. i acknowledge the fact that people have feelings now, and sometimes i actively try to prevent hurting them. bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i quit.
ok...i'm tired.
jpdean