return to the lj universe
so it's a manic monday. in the truest since. those of you who follow my other blog know of the craziness that this semester has brought. today compacted it and then threw it in my face. i'm just going to address life at the moment by subject area
school....
it's been very hard lately for me to motivate myself to do anything school related. i'm in the school of music every day for something. i think that most taxing thing about being a music major especially at a huge music school like UNCG is that all of your time is usurped by the major. you have classes, but then you have the rehearsals, the practices, the staging, the ensembles, the study sessions, the research, the skills practices, the hearings. when you're an artist, you have to live your art. and these kids here, the dedicated anyway, live it. my mistake this semester was trying to be ambitious and take only MUS courses the whole semester. needless to say it's proving to be something i regret but i think it's taught me that i can and will get extremely tired of something that i love if i do it too much. i am so tired of it that i've made the executive decision to change my major. which means a year of school just went to shit and electives. i do think that this is the best choice, i can't live everyday trying to analyze and pick apart music. i was a musician solely because i loved music itself. prying it open and picking it apart isn't what's for me. my private studio instructor isn't happy with me at all. sadly, i think we've grown back apart. there's always been a trust issue there but now more so than ever. i just lock up now, not in terms of performance or vocally but i don't trust what she tells me anymore. it's a big deal because i'm supposed to entrust her with my instrument (which happens to include my body, my mind and my emotions). it's a long long process that i can't do with her anymore. the other areas of school life will be discussed later.
social agenda....
socially. i'm not sure what to say. i feel like (blank). i can't think of of the word. i have friends but i haven't really seen the core of my friends since well i don't know christmas. i miss them, kristen, michael, mere and i worked together. we all complimented the other so well. then there's kay. i haven't seen her in person since flippin september. on the other hand lambda chi is going well, i think. i've started to notice the little idiosyncracies of my brothers. it's weird to say that, i'm actually not sure if i can, seeing as how i'm not offcially their brother yet. that will come later. i guess i've been lacking in the friend scene but i think the hellish semester has something to do with it.
music....
well. my voice, isn't what it was. god only knows that. at the end of last semester, i was singing. i used to be so confident in my abilities as a performer but now, i feel like a five year old wandering through the forest. the middle register of my voice is a piece of shit right now. i've learned to execute into the top but can't negotiate through the top smoothly yet. i hope that'll come with age. i keep being told that because i'm singing with the right technique now that the middle of the voice will feel weird. the problem is that my top has been damn solid. G to Bb has been my easiest tessitura and the Ab, gosh, in the practice room my Ab has been to die for. my E-F# however i feel is the least prepared area of my voice. i just can't get the F# to turn over. I can't keep the palate relaxed either, it's high but tense as hell. we won't even talk about the tounge tension that the F# in Love's Philsophy brings me. you'll want to cover your ears, i do. the funny thing about this is that i feel like i'm more in touch with my voice than i've ever been. i couldn't have thought through all this last year, last semester, hell, maybe even last month. on that note, i'm quite sure that i'm going to continue singing after this semester. the question is will i be with the same teacher? perhaps, perhaps not. i touched a marimba today for the first time in a couple of months, it's nice to know that i can still rock the hell out of dizzy lizzy even if it's two mallets and not four. i should probably practice that and piano more than i do.
ΛΧΑ...
so it's coming closer to the end of the semester and as we get closer i'm anxious. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't. i am. it's been a really cool thing to get know those guys and i hope we'll truly end up being brothers in the end. this weekend was the 25th. there's all this talk about brothers for life and such. well i really got to see that in action this weekend. there were guys 40 years old, that just picked back up like that weren't days over 20 and it was amazing to see them. they really were brothers, i mean, if i haven't seen someone for five years, i'm likely to be a little wary of them but these guys just jumped right in. not only were the great to each other, they were great to us, hell, i think some of them spent more time with us than they did with their friends from their college years. i encountered a person that i very much appreciate. we'll just call them mk. mk came at me in a different way, it wasn't just me though, he came at all of us. the thing was, throughout this whole process i've never really understood some things about why certain things happen the way they do and mk just put it on the table blankly. i like that. he's also has a wealth of knowledge that i'd like to know as well. well all of them have some knowledge that i'd like to know as well. you wouldn't understand that though. i've found that in our am class there really are two groups, it's just a natural split however, we've all been interacting as a whole lately. there have been red flags raised but i think that things will be fine and we'll all come out fine. i got a big and he's damn cool with me. at first i didn't see why anybody would put us together but now i see that we work well together. the thing that suprised me most was how accepting i was to having him. i trust him, not with my life yet, but with markedly private thoughts. another suprise came with one of my am brothers. we'll call him Cal. Cal and I get along rather well. We also both like to go digging through things to find other things. I think we both share the same aggressive curiosity. Mr. Berry has even managed not to annoy me (one might think, either jay is changing or he really likes these people, it's a combo). I just laugh at him alot, but not in mean way. just a funny way. it's progressing well, i think. my doubt to commitment is now gone. once i realized that i was willing to give up a competition (one of my favorite things) to do it. that was the end. i'm forgoing big money for it. but that's ok, happiness and money are different things. i'm happy with it.
les hommes qui m'aiment...
lately. i've been fairly disinterested in love. i realize that i don't have the time or patience to cultivate something with anyone. i'm ok with that as well. one person managed to snag un coup d'oeil for about three weeks but then i realized that we probably weren't very compatible and i was right. still friends though. i think my standards are going back up to where they were, which means i need to take my tail to the gym more. the whole tuesday/thursday thing isn't turning out be enough. but for those who'd like to know. no. i'm not involved and don't plan on being so anytime soon, i simply have things to do.
i think i'm growing as a person but i've managed to retain all the qualities that make me myself. i will always be very straighforward, i'll always say what you don't want to hear, i'll always laugh and i'll always always always fan the flames of &^%#$*@$ i'm also growing more sarcastic and blatant but i'm working on the offensiveness as a whole thing. ms. etienne is to be thanked for inspiring that one. it's so funny that i mention people in here and they dont' have lj. ok. i've managed to eat up about 15 minutes of time with this entry, i'm off to study translations for my lovely studio teacher, then it's laundry time! [to the tune of jingle bells] oh what fun it is to live a day in jay peeler's life. oh musical swells, i hate bells my vibrato is too fast. that's ok, that's ok i'll kick this songs ass!
school....
it's been very hard lately for me to motivate myself to do anything school related. i'm in the school of music every day for something. i think that most taxing thing about being a music major especially at a huge music school like UNCG is that all of your time is usurped by the major. you have classes, but then you have the rehearsals, the practices, the staging, the ensembles, the study sessions, the research, the skills practices, the hearings. when you're an artist, you have to live your art. and these kids here, the dedicated anyway, live it. my mistake this semester was trying to be ambitious and take only MUS courses the whole semester. needless to say it's proving to be something i regret but i think it's taught me that i can and will get extremely tired of something that i love if i do it too much. i am so tired of it that i've made the executive decision to change my major. which means a year of school just went to shit and electives. i do think that this is the best choice, i can't live everyday trying to analyze and pick apart music. i was a musician solely because i loved music itself. prying it open and picking it apart isn't what's for me. my private studio instructor isn't happy with me at all. sadly, i think we've grown back apart. there's always been a trust issue there but now more so than ever. i just lock up now, not in terms of performance or vocally but i don't trust what she tells me anymore. it's a big deal because i'm supposed to entrust her with my instrument (which happens to include my body, my mind and my emotions). it's a long long process that i can't do with her anymore. the other areas of school life will be discussed later.
social agenda....
socially. i'm not sure what to say. i feel like (blank). i can't think of of the word. i have friends but i haven't really seen the core of my friends since well i don't know christmas. i miss them, kristen, michael, mere and i worked together. we all complimented the other so well. then there's kay. i haven't seen her in person since flippin september. on the other hand lambda chi is going well, i think. i've started to notice the little idiosyncracies of my brothers. it's weird to say that, i'm actually not sure if i can, seeing as how i'm not offcially their brother yet. that will come later. i guess i've been lacking in the friend scene but i think the hellish semester has something to do with it.
music....
well. my voice, isn't what it was. god only knows that. at the end of last semester, i was singing. i used to be so confident in my abilities as a performer but now, i feel like a five year old wandering through the forest. the middle register of my voice is a piece of shit right now. i've learned to execute into the top but can't negotiate through the top smoothly yet. i hope that'll come with age. i keep being told that because i'm singing with the right technique now that the middle of the voice will feel weird. the problem is that my top has been damn solid. G to Bb has been my easiest tessitura and the Ab, gosh, in the practice room my Ab has been to die for. my E-F# however i feel is the least prepared area of my voice. i just can't get the F# to turn over. I can't keep the palate relaxed either, it's high but tense as hell. we won't even talk about the tounge tension that the F# in Love's Philsophy brings me. you'll want to cover your ears, i do. the funny thing about this is that i feel like i'm more in touch with my voice than i've ever been. i couldn't have thought through all this last year, last semester, hell, maybe even last month. on that note, i'm quite sure that i'm going to continue singing after this semester. the question is will i be with the same teacher? perhaps, perhaps not. i touched a marimba today for the first time in a couple of months, it's nice to know that i can still rock the hell out of dizzy lizzy even if it's two mallets and not four. i should probably practice that and piano more than i do.
ΛΧΑ...
so it's coming closer to the end of the semester and as we get closer i'm anxious. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't. i am. it's been a really cool thing to get know those guys and i hope we'll truly end up being brothers in the end. this weekend was the 25th. there's all this talk about brothers for life and such. well i really got to see that in action this weekend. there were guys 40 years old, that just picked back up like that weren't days over 20 and it was amazing to see them. they really were brothers, i mean, if i haven't seen someone for five years, i'm likely to be a little wary of them but these guys just jumped right in. not only were the great to each other, they were great to us, hell, i think some of them spent more time with us than they did with their friends from their college years. i encountered a person that i very much appreciate. we'll just call them mk. mk came at me in a different way, it wasn't just me though, he came at all of us. the thing was, throughout this whole process i've never really understood some things about why certain things happen the way they do and mk just put it on the table blankly. i like that. he's also has a wealth of knowledge that i'd like to know as well. well all of them have some knowledge that i'd like to know as well. you wouldn't understand that though. i've found that in our am class there really are two groups, it's just a natural split however, we've all been interacting as a whole lately. there have been red flags raised but i think that things will be fine and we'll all come out fine. i got a big and he's damn cool with me. at first i didn't see why anybody would put us together but now i see that we work well together. the thing that suprised me most was how accepting i was to having him. i trust him, not with my life yet, but with markedly private thoughts. another suprise came with one of my am brothers. we'll call him Cal. Cal and I get along rather well. We also both like to go digging through things to find other things. I think we both share the same aggressive curiosity. Mr. Berry has even managed not to annoy me (one might think, either jay is changing or he really likes these people, it's a combo). I just laugh at him alot, but not in mean way. just a funny way. it's progressing well, i think. my doubt to commitment is now gone. once i realized that i was willing to give up a competition (one of my favorite things) to do it. that was the end. i'm forgoing big money for it. but that's ok, happiness and money are different things. i'm happy with it.
les hommes qui m'aiment...
lately. i've been fairly disinterested in love. i realize that i don't have the time or patience to cultivate something with anyone. i'm ok with that as well. one person managed to snag un coup d'oeil for about three weeks but then i realized that we probably weren't very compatible and i was right. still friends though. i think my standards are going back up to where they were, which means i need to take my tail to the gym more. the whole tuesday/thursday thing isn't turning out be enough. but for those who'd like to know. no. i'm not involved and don't plan on being so anytime soon, i simply have things to do.
i think i'm growing as a person but i've managed to retain all the qualities that make me myself. i will always be very straighforward, i'll always say what you don't want to hear, i'll always laugh and i'll always always always fan the flames of &^%#$*@$ i'm also growing more sarcastic and blatant but i'm working on the offensiveness as a whole thing. ms. etienne is to be thanked for inspiring that one. it's so funny that i mention people in here and they dont' have lj. ok. i've managed to eat up about 15 minutes of time with this entry, i'm off to study translations for my lovely studio teacher, then it's laundry time! [to the tune of jingle bells] oh what fun it is to live a day in jay peeler's life. oh musical swells, i hate bells my vibrato is too fast. that's ok, that's ok i'll kick this songs ass!