(no subject)
Well...it's been a pretty good last few days :) Let's see...Thursday I took my bio test. I feel it went really well, I suspect I did not get anything lower than an 80 percent which I'll take any day on a bio test. Soooo...that was fun stuff. Got some stuff done yesterday, I've been procrastinating my homework (like usual) so tomorrow I shall have quite a bit to do.
Yesterday...talked to Cassie for three hours on the phone. No joke, actuallly it was longer then that. I got ahold of her at 5:45 and got off the phone at 9:00. My phone went dead in the process, not a big surprise. I'll admit it was quite...fun. I mean, the conversation itself was tough at times. We sat down and meshed out the reasons for our break up and I wrote them all down and disephered them. Nothing is crystal clear, but it's not muddy clear either. It is in no way something that is easy to explain. It is if you leave some details out, but if I were to write out everything, it would APPEAR to be self-contradictory words that seem to be like a smokescreen disguising something, but upon some careful careful examination I did finally realize this was not the case. I am not sure if I agree with all of it, if I agree with her reasoning, but I'm not sure i DISagree with it either. I'm really not quite sure of what I believe as far as SHE is concerned. I believe this is what she feels she needs, that's enough for me. I had to finally let her go today...not fun in the least, but I had to surrender it to God completely, something I hadn't even told anyone I'd done. Unfortunately this does not take away my pain nor does it remove all of my bitterness, it does however mean that Jake Garrison finally let the relationship go. No one understands how badly I want it back, nor would they understand how badly I don't want it back. It's a fight, and fortunately my brain has won. I am in all honesty so very proud of Cassie...she has stuck to her guns even when her...er....(ugh) ex-boyfriend has contemplated anulling (i didnt spell that right) his end of the break-up. I didn't, I thought about it, but that's as far as it went. I will admit that I need to run Cassie's reasoning by someone else. See to me it doesn't make complete sense, but that's because I'm a guy, and guy's think simplistically...I'll be calling Stephanie this evening I believe. I do admit that I miss Cassie so very much. That unexplainable bond between us has been lost...I can only deeply hope, pray, beg, that God replaces it with something else, something better, something deeper...something fun :) FUN...:-D And then? Who knows. Whooooo knows. Do I want her back? Yes. Would I take her back? No. Make sense? Didn't think so, but it makes sense to me, and it makes sense to her, and frankly that's all that matter. Do I want her back and would I take her back in the future? .................
We'll leave that one un-answered.
(...Probably because I don't have one)
(Okay, i do have an answer, I'm just not going to give it...becaues I don't know of it's credibility)
(...is any of what I'm saying right now making sense? Note to self, going to bed at 4 has consequences)
MOVING ON!!! Today! Went to Blowout! Heard Ken Rudolph...great guy. Then went to the soccer game, chilled with kari and Karisa, then went and watched the last half of The Counte Of Monte Cristo. Good movie. That brings me to now, and NOW is DEVOTION TIME!
YIPPEEEE!! I'm over due :) Bye!
Yesterday...talked to Cassie for three hours on the phone. No joke, actuallly it was longer then that. I got ahold of her at 5:45 and got off the phone at 9:00. My phone went dead in the process, not a big surprise. I'll admit it was quite...fun. I mean, the conversation itself was tough at times. We sat down and meshed out the reasons for our break up and I wrote them all down and disephered them. Nothing is crystal clear, but it's not muddy clear either. It is in no way something that is easy to explain. It is if you leave some details out, but if I were to write out everything, it would APPEAR to be self-contradictory words that seem to be like a smokescreen disguising something, but upon some careful careful examination I did finally realize this was not the case. I am not sure if I agree with all of it, if I agree with her reasoning, but I'm not sure i DISagree with it either. I'm really not quite sure of what I believe as far as SHE is concerned. I believe this is what she feels she needs, that's enough for me. I had to finally let her go today...not fun in the least, but I had to surrender it to God completely, something I hadn't even told anyone I'd done. Unfortunately this does not take away my pain nor does it remove all of my bitterness, it does however mean that Jake Garrison finally let the relationship go. No one understands how badly I want it back, nor would they understand how badly I don't want it back. It's a fight, and fortunately my brain has won. I am in all honesty so very proud of Cassie...she has stuck to her guns even when her...er....(ugh) ex-boyfriend has contemplated anulling (i didnt spell that right) his end of the break-up. I didn't, I thought about it, but that's as far as it went. I will admit that I need to run Cassie's reasoning by someone else. See to me it doesn't make complete sense, but that's because I'm a guy, and guy's think simplistically...I'll be calling Stephanie this evening I believe. I do admit that I miss Cassie so very much. That unexplainable bond between us has been lost...I can only deeply hope, pray, beg, that God replaces it with something else, something better, something deeper...something fun :) FUN...:-D And then? Who knows. Whooooo knows. Do I want her back? Yes. Would I take her back? No. Make sense? Didn't think so, but it makes sense to me, and it makes sense to her, and frankly that's all that matter. Do I want her back and would I take her back in the future? .................
We'll leave that one un-answered.
(...Probably because I don't have one)
(Okay, i do have an answer, I'm just not going to give it...becaues I don't know of it's credibility)
(...is any of what I'm saying right now making sense? Note to self, going to bed at 4 has consequences)
MOVING ON!!! Today! Went to Blowout! Heard Ken Rudolph...great guy. Then went to the soccer game, chilled with kari and Karisa, then went and watched the last half of The Counte Of Monte Cristo. Good movie. That brings me to now, and NOW is DEVOTION TIME!
YIPPEEEE!! I'm over due :) Bye!