overdue

Mar 19, 2005 15:16

Wow...way overdue for an update, but I finally got around to it ( Read more... )

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anonymous April 14 2005, 18:17:42 UTC
theoneyouneverc April 14 2005, 18:43:05 UTC
Ben you're an idiot. Everyone, meet Ben Darcie, the kid who's idea of fun is to act like a complete moron leaving nasty little comments on people's LJ and leaving stupid pictures. Wave to Ben!!!

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bennycraze2k5 April 14 2005, 21:42:30 UTC
wow, hack was right. you are stupid enough to think that i would waste my time just to make you look bad! You do that well enough yourself, and i wouldnt need to help by posting anything on here.

He said someone posted stuff on your lj, and that you blamed it on me. i didn't believe him, but lo and behold.

haha.. oh! and don't forget to delete this comment so that you don't look bad to all of your friends, jake!

..and you got pissed at me for mentioning your name in a comment a while ago. At least what i commented about you was TRUE. next time, try asking before you go bashing someone. I don't care, people can read and think what they want. If they want to know the truth, they'll ask me.

you're the idiot for thinking it was me. I know who it was, but My time is better spent doing nothing than wasting time posting on your lj.

now that i mention it, later.

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theoneyouneverc April 14 2005, 23:46:29 UTC
My bad. Assumed it was you, shouldn'tve. Twas wrong on my half. To be honest, I posted the comment without intending to leave it there very long. Done that many times...written somethin' out, posted it, cooled off come back later and delete it. This time I kidna got what I deserved, you got to it first. I'm sorry.

...on the record, i only delete comments that involve profanity and direct attacks on my character when I haven't done anything. I.e. writing a note to someone in my shout out and them responding with "get over it you #* #*@(*&". That's when I delete comments. However, if i've honestly messed up (such as assuming someone did something they didnt and making it public), I have no reason to delete it. I don't hide my wrongdoings. Look back over the posts, u'll see a couple of public apologies.

My desire is to be transparent...my drawback is when I mess up like I did today in assuming it was you is that it's done when many people see it.

So...that's it. I would much rather my reputation be that of people remembering that i was a complete idiot but also remembering that I apologized and did not hide it, then hiding in sin and keeping where no one can see it. This is not to insinuate you do, I simply am saying that I am either going to be a complete perfect person which no one is, or I am goign to be a complete idiot. There is nothing hidden...nothing. I have a tendeny to act, then think. Sometimes I let my mind run and my my mouth run, but not in that order. I did that today, for which I'm sorry for, and I'm being dead honest. The legacy I leave behind will be of honesty...brutal honesty. Brutal wrongdoings on my half, and apologies for them. Sure, i apologize frequently, not as often as I used to however. I really haven't needed to in three our four months. Not to excuse this one, just to say progress is there (and noticed by others). Which is better...a man who messes up but honestly is convicted about his wrongdoings and apologizes for them, or a man who messes up and never says a thing about it let alone is willing to admit it. I will not be the latter. Again, I am NOT saying you are the latter, I'm just saying what I refuse to be.

So there you have it. I was wrong, clearly. More often then I or anyone wants to admit, I allow the Spirit of frustration and sin to overide the spirit of humility, kindness, gentleness, respect, self-control, and godliness. I ask for your forgiveness, though you will probably not give it, I am still asking. I only say that if you chose not to forgive me, do not think of that as a spite against me, as if by not forgiving me you are creating me any harm or anger or frustration. If you chose not to forgive me, you do not spite me, you spite God. You probably don't want to hear that and you may not care, I don't know.

I no longer hold any fault to this. I have asked God for his forgiveness, and have now asked for yours. Thankfully, your response does not change the fact that I already am forgiven. It, however, is still necessary for me to ask you. I sincerely hope you do, but will not be surprised nor hurt/angered if you don't. I am being very sincere about this. I am not doing it to 'look good.' I'm doing it because I have wronged you publicly, therefore it needs to be addressed publicly, otherwise I'd call you and tell you personally (though I tried to do that and realized it needed to be addressed publicly). It has become apparent that I am not faultless or have I learned to control my speech before my mind completely. It looks like that will be something I'll struggle with my whole life. God help me.

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bennycraze2k5 April 15 2005, 02:29:09 UTC
You ask for my forgiveness, expecting not to recieve it. your expectations are good ones. Because i'm not going to. I know that sounds cold to anyone else reading this, but you need to understand that you pull this crap on me all the time.

I'm not going to say "i forgive you" unless i mean it, and if i did now, i wouldnt mean it.

You need to think about what you say before you say it. You sit there and you write for paragraphs about humility and forgiveness, when you're only going to pull something like this again in a week. You've been doing it for a long time.

And, on the note of your deleting comments, i made a comment a long while ago criticizing you. not cruelly.. but criticizing, and you decided to delete it because you didn't want to look bad in front of your friends.

You ticked me off today. I'm still mad.

Everytime we start getting distance, and things are starting to settle down, you pull something. Except when i told you off in the computer lab. I started that one, but you were the one who continued it.

I don't want you to sit outside and eat with us. You know i don't like you being around. So please just eat inside. We started the eowu, and we would like to continue it. I don't want you out there, and neither do they.

all i want is distance from you. Things are most peaceful when we aren't around eachother, when we don't talk, and when you don't IM me. it's as simple as that.

so.. let's not diss my christianity anymore, lets not automatically blame things on me, and maintain distance. then things will be just fine.

By the way, never use anyone's last name online.

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