Fic: Shatter The Walls For A New Sun {9/10}
Title Shatter The Walls For A New Sun 9/10
Rating NC-17
Word Count 4,400/52,500
Summary AU in which Blaine was raised by highly religious parents and escapes to NYC with Quinn, moving in next door to Rachel and Kurt. (Alternately: Bible!Blaine meets NYC!Kurt. Shit happens.)
Notes There are two lists talked about in this chapter, which I've actually handwritten out and scanned and linked. If you don't want to click on them when you're reading, I've relinked them for you at the end. :) Also, because I have migraine brain, thanks to colfer for the help on this chapter.
>If ever asked what his favorite season is, Kurt always says fall. Mainly for the fashions, of course - coats, boots, scarves, the first chance to change up a wardrobe after a long, hot summer, the first hint of crispness in the air. Even though he never necessarily appreciated heading back to school for the new year, fall always meant a larger clothes budget, scouring for the perfect pieces to compliment his wardrobe back in Ohio. In a way, fall was a bit of a new beginning for him each year - a new school year, a new chance to prove himself, or in the case of two Septembers ago, the chance of moving to New York and making all of his dreams come true.
Almost all of them. Some took quite a bit longer to realize.
In reality though, fall doesn’t really symbolize new beginnings overall, that’s much more spring’s job. Green leaves and buds poking out of grey tree bark and melting snow. The promise of a bit more daylight in his commute. And in his life this year, a mountain of cardboard boxes stolen from the bakery being filled with belongings in his apartment and in 3B next door, the biggest leap forward for him and Blaine yet.
Kurt’s thankful that Columbia and NYADA have the same spring break and that he and Blaine decided to take a few days off of work to help with the apartment switching as well. Blaine put an ad on Craigslist a few weeks back, offering his bed for free to anyone who would take it out of the apartment, and it ended up going to a nice couple who just moved from Iowa who still hadn’t returned their trailer. (Kurt’s also thankful they had the sense to not put any personal information - they received over fifty emails in the hour it was up.)
He’d been sleeping on the futon ever since, even though Rachel said he was more than welcome to start crashing in their apartment early. He didn’t want to start leaving Quinn alone, even though she had no issues either. Kurt thinks deep down though she was happy to still have a few more weeks with him as a roommate. They’ve been through a lot together, and even though he knows they have Quinn’s wishes, it’s going to be an adjustment on them all.
Quinn and Rachel are next door boxing up the last of her things Friday afternoon and Kurt and Blaine are doing the same in 3B, Kurt emptying the contents of Blaine’s nightstand into a small cardboard box where it’s been moved to the center of the loft, since they’ve already moved Rachel’s bed in. They’ve decided to put Blaine’s nightstand and bookcase over in Rachel’s side of the loft until they can figure out what to do with the space (they have a whole quarter of the apartment empty now). It’ll probably eventually become somewhat of an office, moving Kurt’s work desk over there too and giving them more space in the bedroom area, but they haven’t decided for sure yet.
Kurt finds a folded piece of paper at the bottom of all of the clutter in the nightstand, and there’s a nagging at the back of his mind that he should probably just throw it in the box, but they talked about trying to not bring any more clutter than necessary into the apartment, so he also thinks it might be trash. He unfolds it carefully and sees New York Affirmations written up at the top and various things written and crossed off, like find a job and fall in love? or things that have little tick marks next to them like keep up worship with Quinn as well as ones that aren’t crossed off like find a purpose that is more than just a job or be comfortable with myself everywhere (that one has working on it scribbled in small letters in a different pen color next to it - and it must be in reference to work).
Kurt feels bad for opening the paper, like he’s intruded on something deeply personal, and moves to refold it, but then he sees his name written in the corner of the page. TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIM is written in capital letters, and then crossed out, but not simply crossed off like the others, like he checked it off when it happened, almost like Blaine changed his mind. It’s rewritten underneath, crossed off properly with a little smiley face next to it, along with have first kiss with Kurt and come with Kurt on purpose.
There’s only one more item under his name, and it’s not crossed off, even though it definitely happened, which makes Kurt think Blaine hasn’t looked at his affirmation list in a while. Give Kurt a blowjob and then underneath in smaller, hurried printing, as if he’s worried to even write his thoughts down, (and I don’t know if Kurt wants to do anything else past that so the list ends here and I wouldn’t even know what to put).
“Oh!” Kurt hears Blaine’s socked feet stop short on the hardwood floor behind him from where he’s seated facing the nightstand, and he can hear the shock in his voice.
“I - I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t trash,” Kurt explains quickly, refolding it and handing it to Blaine. Blaine takes it from him wordlessly, looking worried, as if he’s not sure how much Kurt’s read, and he reaches out to ask Blaine to sit with him on the floor. They’re both sitting cross-legged and Kurt scoots over so their knees touch, leaning in to take the hand not clutching the piece of paper. “I didn’t mean to read your secrets,” he says softly, feeling so, so awful, bringing Blaine’s hand to his mouth to dust his knuckles with kisses.
“They’re not really secrets,” Blaine mumbles, finally looking up at Kurt so that their eyes meet. “It’s just - so out there. In black and white. Everything I feel.”
“I didn’t read it all,” Kurt admits, which is true, once he saw his name, he sort of focused on that. “But this hasn’t been updated in a while, right? Because you know what I feel for you and all the things I want with you? Or do you need a reminder?” he teases, laughing low and quiet, and Blaine finally cracks a smile.
“Well, reminders are always helpful.” He sighs, setting the paper on the floor and taking Kurt’s other hand in his. “But yes, I know, I haven’t - I haven’t really been keeping up. Things have been a little hectic around here.”
“I think you should,” Kurt replies, squeezing at Blaine’s hands in his. “And I know things have been hectic around here,” he adds. Right after Valentine’s Day, New York Fashion Week kicked off again, followed by the rest of the major cities, and he’d barely seen Blaine for the rest of the month and well into March. Isabelle had flown to Paris for their Fashion Week, and had almost taken him with her at the last minute, but things had fallen through. He’d stayed in the office working for her remotely instead, billing an insane amount of overtime. Still, even the thought that he’d almost gone was thrilling, making the expectations for this coming fall even more promising.
“Tonight though,” he says, leaning forward so their foreheads are pressing together. “Tonight it’s just you and me in our new home together … and I know I’ve told you how much I missed you over these past few weeks, I’d like to show you instead.” There have been texts and calls and emails and few and far between train rides back home together and date nights that end with getting each other off fast and furious because that’s all they have the time and the energy for, nothing like what Kurt really wants, what Kurt’s been positively aching for since the night he asked Blaine to move in with him.
“Mmmm,” Blaine replies, tilting to get at Kurt’s lips and kiss him, first softly but turning a touch darker in an instant. “I - I’d like that too. We should finish this up. The quicker we do, the quicker we can kick Rachel out officially. After dinner, of course.” The four of them have plans for dinner to celebrate once the move in is done, but after that, Blaine’s all his.
On the flipside, he thinks, he’s certainly all Blaine’s, offering Blaine a small smile, a secret - and he can’t wait.
***
They were supposed to leave for dinner after a round of long showers and getting cleaned up, but they never quite made it, ordering Chinese take out and opening a bottle of wine instead, eating on the floor of Kurt and Blaine’s loft, since the table only has three chairs. They technically could all fit in the living room, but Rachel calls it reminiscent of their first night in the loft, and suddenly they’re swapping stories of their first year in the city, with Quinn and Blaine are telling them stories they’ve never heard of their time in 3B as well. Kurt whispers his love to both of them in their ears as he hugs them goodbye, and he and Blaine really do have the two best friends anyone could ask for.
And then, it’s just the two of them. Time stops and slows a little once the door is shut and Blaine’s expression is filled with such joy, Kurt’s insides are about to burst. “Hello, my fellow loft dweller,” Kurt teases, tugging at the sides of Blaine’s cardigan once he walks close enough for him to reach out and touch.
“Why, hello there kind sir,” Blaine teases back, smiling so wide his eyes are crinkling. “What do you propose we - oh.” Blaine stops talking when Kurt’s suddenly in his space, and it’s hitting Kurt how long it’s been since they’ve really had a decent amount of time alone together, how this always sort of happens to them and now it’s never going to happen again, aside from when their lives get hectic and busy. Even then, now they’ll have stolen moments together here just the two of them. They’ll never be apart for much too long, and Kurt’s thrilled at the prospect.
“I’m so happy you’re finally here,” Kurt says with a sigh, pressing their cheeks together and just holding Blaine close. “I get to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up to you in the morning … I think that’s going to be my favorite part.”
“Oh, really?” Blaine replies with a lit still to his voice. “I’d definitely agree, but coming in close second …” He turns his cheek slightly so his lips brush Kurt’s jaw, sending a shiver down his spine.
“This is just like that first night I kissed you … there’s wine and you can’t keep your hands off me. I have corrupted you.” Kurt’s tone is still light and teasing as well, and he feels Blaine chuckle against his skin.
“I think corrupted is far, far too strong a word. And how come you get all the blame, hmm? I can’t have corrupted you at all? I’m too much of a nice boy for that?” Blaine nips at Kurt’s jaw again to prove his point, and Kurt would never admit it, never, but Blaine’s exactly right, because all he has to do is smile at him a certain way or simply look at him just so, and Kurt’s putty in his hands. Corruption is far too strong a word, but it’s close enough, and Blaine knows it.
Kurt says nothing, so Blaine laughs again, as if it’s an admission that he’s won. “Anyway, not that that night wasn’t wonderful and absolutely perfect, but I was kind of hoping tonight would end a little differently.”
“Do tell,” Kurt replies, amazed when his voice comes out calm and evenly, because Blaine’s back to nuzzling at his jaw.
“I, uh - when I was moving some of my stuff into the nightstand, I saw the box of condoms.” Kurt’s had them a while, since last spring when he started dating seriously, but he hasn’t really considered using them with anyone but Blaine.
“Say it,” Kurt murmurs quietly against Blaine’s cheek, and the words are out of his mouth as quick as can be, no hesitation behind them at all. “I want you to fuck me,” he whispers back, and Kurt didn’t expect him to use that word - he’s never heard Blaine utter a single curse word ever, and he’s shocked how much his stomach twists up at the sound of it rasping in his ear, how his breath hitches at the utterance of it. “I -” he starts to say, as if he didn’t expect himself to use that word either, but Kurt cuts him off, kissing him hungrily and trying to guide them to the bed.
They’ve done this enough times that it’s easy, but everything’s still a little unexpected. Kurt can’t predict Blaine’s moves, and there’s still new spots uncovered, both good and bad, like the spot on Blaine’s shoulder where he’s too ticklish for Kurt to spend too much time on, or the spot underneath Kurt’s hipbone that drives him crazy. Since there’s no worry of Rachel or Quinn coming home, there’s no underlying sense of urgency. They take their time memorizing each line and curve on each other’s body with lips and hands, soft touches that lead to so much more, and finally, Kurt searches in the rumpled sheets for the lube he grabbed earlier when he grabbed the condoms and Blaine whines out when he realizes.
“Hey,” he whispers, kissing Blaine quickly, because there’s something he wants to ask, something he wants to try, and he doesn’t want to catch Blaine off guard. “Is it okay if instead of using just my fingers, I use my mouth too? I’ve always wanted to try that.”
Blaine blinks darkly back at Kurt before saying, “That’s something people do?” Kurt’s mouth drops open, wanting to tell him they don’t have to, but Blaine’s too quick for him. “I mean - yes, of course, Kurt that’s - yeah.” Kurt ducks and grins, asking Blaine to roll over on his side. He uses his palms to spread Blaine’s cheeks, biting back a groan at the sight he wasn’t afforded the last time they did this. He has no clue what he’s doing, but there’s no need to vocalize that, nosing his way closer to drop a kiss at the dimples of Blaine’s back, and then lower, lower, until he’s reached the top of Blaine’s crack.
He breathes out a bit harshly, and he’s close enough that the air tickles over Blaine’s skin, who shivers underneath it. A bit of panic sets in before Kurt tells himself to cool it, that he’s with Blaine and he’s doing the same exact thing he did with his fingers, only with his tongue, and Blaine said yes, rather enthusiastically, he might add - he’s not going to freak out. He starts off exactly the same even, figuring it’s as good a start as any, trailing his tongue straight down the crack of Blaine’s ass and back up again. He hears Blaine breathe out oh, oh, oh, his head turned on its side into the pillows, so see? Nothing to worry about.
Kurt traces his tongue around the rim of Blaine’s entrance in slow, languid circles, the heady taste finally hitting him and leaving him wanting more. He hears Blaine’s ragged breathing above him as he continues, stroking against him with firmer licks of his tongue. Things probably would be easier with Blaine on his stomach instead of his side, but Kurt can see Blaine’s profile when he looks up, even more of his face showing when he turns away from the pillows, and that makes everything worth it.
Kurt presses gently at his entrance with the tip of his tongue, just for a second before drawing circles with it once more, but Blaine begs, his voice low and quick, “Kurt, Kurt, do that again.” He does, pressing more firmly this time, and folding his tongue just so, just so a little bit slips inside, and Kurt groans at how much stronger Blaine tastes, how tight he feels around his tongue, how turned on he is right now because of it all. “Oh. Ohhhh, Kurt,” Blaine cries out, and Kurt pulls back momentarily to try again, to try to make it even better. There’s spit all over his chin from being pressed up against Blaine’s crack, from where it’s been dripping down, but he doesn’t care, folding his tongue again, delving deeper this time, and Blaine whimpers above him.
He keeps at it, slowly fucking his tongue in and out of Blaine, feeling his muscles relax and contract around him, and finally, Blaine whines, “Kurt - you - you should stop - because - that’s really good.” Kurt’s been in such a zone, focusing on what’s right in front of him, he didn’t realize how Blaine started touching himself, fisting slowly at his cock, the tip shining already, and yeah, they should get on with things.
“I’m glad you think so,” Kurt whispers against Blaine’s asscheek as he pulls away, letting his own erection brush over his other one as he reaches up the bed for the lube, just so Blaine knows how much it turned him on too. Blaine whines his name again at the contact, and Kurt’s so torn, because he knows they have to go slow, but god, he wants to be inside him right now. He wants to know how it feels, how Blaine will feel around him in the closest way possible.
One finger slides in easily thanks to his tongue, so he slips in a second and hears Blaine sigh with relief. It looks like he feels the same way Kurt does. He waits until both fingers aren’t met with resistance anymore before working in a third, and finally, Kurt asks, “Do you want to - should we stay like this?”
“Yeah, that’s - just - please,” Blaine breathes out, and Kurt grabs one of the condoms. He fumbles a little bit, and Blaine laughs, light and breathy. Kurt huffs back, “Shush, you weren’t supposed to see that.”
Blaine stops laughing and whispers, “I love you,” winding his left hand back towards Kurt. Kurt twines his own left hand with it, threading their fingers together and repeating the phrase. Their hands stay together as Kurt lines his cock up with his right hand, as they both gasp as the head presses in slowly, as Kurt kisses and licks at the nape of Blaine’s neck to distract him. Blaine’s so impossibly tight around him, Kurt has no idea how he’s not hurting Blaine. Blaine’s hand grips his tighter, and Kurt stills his hips when his cock is about halfway in, murmuring Blaine’s name against his ear, needing to know he’s okay.
“You’re just - huge,” Blaine blurts out. Kurt knows he’s not really, but compared to his fingers, it must seem that way, and his chuckle tickles Blaine’s neck. “You can - you can -”
“More?” he whispers, and Blaine nods, so he continues working his cock in slowly, little by little, trying so hard to be patient when his body is telling him otherwise. Blaine feels so amazing around him and his hips keep wanting to twitch forward and thrust further inside. He finally bottoms out, his hand still gripping Blaine’s tightly, and Blaine turns his head backwards, glancing towards Kurt. Their eyes meet and lock and it’s almost too much, because Blaine is actually everywhere - warm and wet and tight around him, Blaine’s eyes pouring into his soul, his back pressed tight up against Kurt’s chest, and Kurt’s overwhelmed at all the sensations hitting him at once.
Kurt’s hips finally give out, stuttering and grinding shakily against Blaine’s ass, but Blaine just grunts and grinds his own hips back towards him. Kurt lets go of Blaine’s sweaty palm (not that his is any better), gripping his waist instead and starting to shallowly thrust. Blaine’s started to relax around him, but he’s still so tight, and the friction from the slow drag of his cock in and out of Blaine is driving him crazy, pulling everything within him tighter and tighter. Kurt knows their first time won’t last forever, but he tries to draw it out, tucking his face against the crease of Blaine’s shoulder and neck, rolling his hips in slow circles as Blaine gasps beside him. Blaine tilts his head backwards again, trying to reach and kiss him, and their lips meet messily and off center, better in idea than in actual practice.
“K-Kurt, I - I’m so -” Blaine gasps, and Kurt noses his way to whisper harshly in his ear. “You - you should touch yourself. Like you were before, th-that was so hot.” Kurt begins to thrust again, just as Blaine wraps a hand around his dick, Kurt groaning at the sight. He didn’t get to watch before, but the fact that Blaine’s fisting at his cock while Kurt’s pounding into him is a giant turn on. He’s trying to stave off his impending orgasm because he really wants Blaine to come first, wants to feel his body clenching around him before sending him over the edge.
He doesn’t have to wait long before Blaine does, Blaine reaching back for Kurt’s hand again with the hand not wrapped around his cock just before it hits. Their hands grip together, Blaine squeezing hard just as his body spasms in pleasure, his head thrown back against the pillows, and everything feels so good for Kurt as well, he can’t even wait until Blaine’s done before his own orgasm takes over. He’s holding onto Blaine’s hand far harder than he should, he realizes once his head clears, and loosens his grip, laughing lightly against the top of Blaine’s shoulder.
“Mmmm,” Blaine sighs happily, nuzzling against Kurt’s cheek. They lay in silence for a while, and Kurt thinks Blaine even drifts off from the way he jolts abruptly some time later, but Kurt’s lost in thought. Thinking of all of their moments together, from their bumbling first meetings and kisses that were not and broken toes and meddling friends and brothers to tentative first kisses that were and slightly embarrassing moments and first snowfalls to something more and newfound love to this … whatever this is.
Kurt’s not entirely sure, but it seems like more, and he’s sure there’s even more ahead.
He’s ready for it.
***
Weeks later, they’re settling into their new routine almost perfectly. Kurt usually doesn’t wait for Blaine anymore, unless he has a legitimate excuse to work late, heading home whenever he’s done for the day and waiting for Blaine at home. He usually gets dinner started once Blaine calls on his way to the train so everything is ready for them to eat together, spending their weekday nights in total domesticity but loving every moment of it. Weekends, they go out with Quinn and Rachel, and even make it to Callbacks finally, and one Friday night, Kurt brings Blaine to a Vogue event where he meets Isabelle, where he gets the fairy godmother seal of approval.
They go shopping one weekend for a desk for Blaine to actually turn Rachel’s old space into an office, moving Kurt’s desk in there as well and picking up some more bookcases. Kurt’s happy with how everything turned out since Blaine wasn’t around to decorate the apartment with him, it’s as if they’ve put their own spin on things together. One afternoon, he drops his work things off at his desk when he notices a legal pad sitting on the top of Blaine’s desk that wasn’t there that morning.
He almost walks away without looking, but then he spies NYC Affirmations Take 2 at the top, and Blaine wouldn’t have left it out if he hadn’t wanted him to see, right? He knows Kurt comes in here every afternoon to get rid of his things and would walk right past it.
He picks up the legal pad and looks at the top of the list. Some of the things have been moved over, only reworded, like figure out a purposeful career as well as new things like find the right college and attend. Kurt doesn’t have his own section anymore, but he’s definitely there. Start each day with love and never go to bed angry (the first - and only - time they quibbled since Blaine moved in was just over a silly mix up in routines after a long day for both of them, who was supposed to do what, and they definitely did not go to bed angry).
There’s a tiny a work in progress … just like me :) written in the corner and Kurt grins, running his fingers over Blaine’s writing. He debates what to do for a second, going back and forth on whether or not to add anything or not, and then decides why not, scribbling his own affirmation for Blaine down a few lines as to not interfere with anything else he’s going to add himself and setting the pad of paper back on his desk.
After that, Kurt goes about the rest of his afternoon. He and Blaine eat dinner when he gets home and they snuggle in the bed together catching up on ‘Face Off.’ Kurt forgets about waiting for Blaine to find his little note, and it isn’t until they’re getting ready for bed, both leaving the bathroom after having brushed their teeth, the list catches his eye, no longer sitting on Blaine’s desk, but taped up over it.
He walks over to the office to take a better look, and Blaine comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and hooking his head over his shoulder. “I thought they’d be better reminders if they were someplace I could see them all the time. What you tacked on is perfect.”
Kurt reads over the words one more time. Always remember that you are loved.
He thinks that’s a good thing for both of them to remember.
***
New York Affirmations One & New York Affirmations Two
Previous // Next
Rating NC-17
Word Count 4,400/52,500
Summary AU in which Blaine was raised by highly religious parents and escapes to NYC with Quinn, moving in next door to Rachel and Kurt. (Alternately: Bible!Blaine meets NYC!Kurt. Shit happens.)
Notes There are two lists talked about in this chapter, which I've actually handwritten out and scanned and linked. If you don't want to click on them when you're reading, I've relinked them for you at the end. :) Also, because I have migraine brain, thanks to colfer for the help on this chapter.
>If ever asked what his favorite season is, Kurt always says fall. Mainly for the fashions, of course - coats, boots, scarves, the first chance to change up a wardrobe after a long, hot summer, the first hint of crispness in the air. Even though he never necessarily appreciated heading back to school for the new year, fall always meant a larger clothes budget, scouring for the perfect pieces to compliment his wardrobe back in Ohio. In a way, fall was a bit of a new beginning for him each year - a new school year, a new chance to prove himself, or in the case of two Septembers ago, the chance of moving to New York and making all of his dreams come true.
Almost all of them. Some took quite a bit longer to realize.
In reality though, fall doesn’t really symbolize new beginnings overall, that’s much more spring’s job. Green leaves and buds poking out of grey tree bark and melting snow. The promise of a bit more daylight in his commute. And in his life this year, a mountain of cardboard boxes stolen from the bakery being filled with belongings in his apartment and in 3B next door, the biggest leap forward for him and Blaine yet.
Kurt’s thankful that Columbia and NYADA have the same spring break and that he and Blaine decided to take a few days off of work to help with the apartment switching as well. Blaine put an ad on Craigslist a few weeks back, offering his bed for free to anyone who would take it out of the apartment, and it ended up going to a nice couple who just moved from Iowa who still hadn’t returned their trailer. (Kurt’s also thankful they had the sense to not put any personal information - they received over fifty emails in the hour it was up.)
He’d been sleeping on the futon ever since, even though Rachel said he was more than welcome to start crashing in their apartment early. He didn’t want to start leaving Quinn alone, even though she had no issues either. Kurt thinks deep down though she was happy to still have a few more weeks with him as a roommate. They’ve been through a lot together, and even though he knows they have Quinn’s wishes, it’s going to be an adjustment on them all.
Quinn and Rachel are next door boxing up the last of her things Friday afternoon and Kurt and Blaine are doing the same in 3B, Kurt emptying the contents of Blaine’s nightstand into a small cardboard box where it’s been moved to the center of the loft, since they’ve already moved Rachel’s bed in. They’ve decided to put Blaine’s nightstand and bookcase over in Rachel’s side of the loft until they can figure out what to do with the space (they have a whole quarter of the apartment empty now). It’ll probably eventually become somewhat of an office, moving Kurt’s work desk over there too and giving them more space in the bedroom area, but they haven’t decided for sure yet.
Kurt finds a folded piece of paper at the bottom of all of the clutter in the nightstand, and there’s a nagging at the back of his mind that he should probably just throw it in the box, but they talked about trying to not bring any more clutter than necessary into the apartment, so he also thinks it might be trash. He unfolds it carefully and sees New York Affirmations written up at the top and various things written and crossed off, like find a job and fall in love? or things that have little tick marks next to them like keep up worship with Quinn as well as ones that aren’t crossed off like find a purpose that is more than just a job or be comfortable with myself everywhere (that one has working on it scribbled in small letters in a different pen color next to it - and it must be in reference to work).
Kurt feels bad for opening the paper, like he’s intruded on something deeply personal, and moves to refold it, but then he sees his name written in the corner of the page. TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIM is written in capital letters, and then crossed out, but not simply crossed off like the others, like he checked it off when it happened, almost like Blaine changed his mind. It’s rewritten underneath, crossed off properly with a little smiley face next to it, along with have first kiss with Kurt and come with Kurt on purpose.
There’s only one more item under his name, and it’s not crossed off, even though it definitely happened, which makes Kurt think Blaine hasn’t looked at his affirmation list in a while. Give Kurt a blowjob and then underneath in smaller, hurried printing, as if he’s worried to even write his thoughts down, (and I don’t know if Kurt wants to do anything else past that so the list ends here and I wouldn’t even know what to put).
“Oh!” Kurt hears Blaine’s socked feet stop short on the hardwood floor behind him from where he’s seated facing the nightstand, and he can hear the shock in his voice.
“I - I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t trash,” Kurt explains quickly, refolding it and handing it to Blaine. Blaine takes it from him wordlessly, looking worried, as if he’s not sure how much Kurt’s read, and he reaches out to ask Blaine to sit with him on the floor. They’re both sitting cross-legged and Kurt scoots over so their knees touch, leaning in to take the hand not clutching the piece of paper. “I didn’t mean to read your secrets,” he says softly, feeling so, so awful, bringing Blaine’s hand to his mouth to dust his knuckles with kisses.
“They’re not really secrets,” Blaine mumbles, finally looking up at Kurt so that their eyes meet. “It’s just - so out there. In black and white. Everything I feel.”
“I didn’t read it all,” Kurt admits, which is true, once he saw his name, he sort of focused on that. “But this hasn’t been updated in a while, right? Because you know what I feel for you and all the things I want with you? Or do you need a reminder?” he teases, laughing low and quiet, and Blaine finally cracks a smile.
“Well, reminders are always helpful.” He sighs, setting the paper on the floor and taking Kurt’s other hand in his. “But yes, I know, I haven’t - I haven’t really been keeping up. Things have been a little hectic around here.”
“I think you should,” Kurt replies, squeezing at Blaine’s hands in his. “And I know things have been hectic around here,” he adds. Right after Valentine’s Day, New York Fashion Week kicked off again, followed by the rest of the major cities, and he’d barely seen Blaine for the rest of the month and well into March. Isabelle had flown to Paris for their Fashion Week, and had almost taken him with her at the last minute, but things had fallen through. He’d stayed in the office working for her remotely instead, billing an insane amount of overtime. Still, even the thought that he’d almost gone was thrilling, making the expectations for this coming fall even more promising.
“Tonight though,” he says, leaning forward so their foreheads are pressing together. “Tonight it’s just you and me in our new home together … and I know I’ve told you how much I missed you over these past few weeks, I’d like to show you instead.” There have been texts and calls and emails and few and far between train rides back home together and date nights that end with getting each other off fast and furious because that’s all they have the time and the energy for, nothing like what Kurt really wants, what Kurt’s been positively aching for since the night he asked Blaine to move in with him.
“Mmmm,” Blaine replies, tilting to get at Kurt’s lips and kiss him, first softly but turning a touch darker in an instant. “I - I’d like that too. We should finish this up. The quicker we do, the quicker we can kick Rachel out officially. After dinner, of course.” The four of them have plans for dinner to celebrate once the move in is done, but after that, Blaine’s all his.
On the flipside, he thinks, he’s certainly all Blaine’s, offering Blaine a small smile, a secret - and he can’t wait.
***
They were supposed to leave for dinner after a round of long showers and getting cleaned up, but they never quite made it, ordering Chinese take out and opening a bottle of wine instead, eating on the floor of Kurt and Blaine’s loft, since the table only has three chairs. They technically could all fit in the living room, but Rachel calls it reminiscent of their first night in the loft, and suddenly they’re swapping stories of their first year in the city, with Quinn and Blaine are telling them stories they’ve never heard of their time in 3B as well. Kurt whispers his love to both of them in their ears as he hugs them goodbye, and he and Blaine really do have the two best friends anyone could ask for.
And then, it’s just the two of them. Time stops and slows a little once the door is shut and Blaine’s expression is filled with such joy, Kurt’s insides are about to burst. “Hello, my fellow loft dweller,” Kurt teases, tugging at the sides of Blaine’s cardigan once he walks close enough for him to reach out and touch.
“Why, hello there kind sir,” Blaine teases back, smiling so wide his eyes are crinkling. “What do you propose we - oh.” Blaine stops talking when Kurt’s suddenly in his space, and it’s hitting Kurt how long it’s been since they’ve really had a decent amount of time alone together, how this always sort of happens to them and now it’s never going to happen again, aside from when their lives get hectic and busy. Even then, now they’ll have stolen moments together here just the two of them. They’ll never be apart for much too long, and Kurt’s thrilled at the prospect.
“I’m so happy you’re finally here,” Kurt says with a sigh, pressing their cheeks together and just holding Blaine close. “I get to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up to you in the morning … I think that’s going to be my favorite part.”
“Oh, really?” Blaine replies with a lit still to his voice. “I’d definitely agree, but coming in close second …” He turns his cheek slightly so his lips brush Kurt’s jaw, sending a shiver down his spine.
“This is just like that first night I kissed you … there’s wine and you can’t keep your hands off me. I have corrupted you.” Kurt’s tone is still light and teasing as well, and he feels Blaine chuckle against his skin.
“I think corrupted is far, far too strong a word. And how come you get all the blame, hmm? I can’t have corrupted you at all? I’m too much of a nice boy for that?” Blaine nips at Kurt’s jaw again to prove his point, and Kurt would never admit it, never, but Blaine’s exactly right, because all he has to do is smile at him a certain way or simply look at him just so, and Kurt’s putty in his hands. Corruption is far too strong a word, but it’s close enough, and Blaine knows it.
Kurt says nothing, so Blaine laughs again, as if it’s an admission that he’s won. “Anyway, not that that night wasn’t wonderful and absolutely perfect, but I was kind of hoping tonight would end a little differently.”
“Do tell,” Kurt replies, amazed when his voice comes out calm and evenly, because Blaine’s back to nuzzling at his jaw.
“I, uh - when I was moving some of my stuff into the nightstand, I saw the box of condoms.” Kurt’s had them a while, since last spring when he started dating seriously, but he hasn’t really considered using them with anyone but Blaine.
“Say it,” Kurt murmurs quietly against Blaine’s cheek, and the words are out of his mouth as quick as can be, no hesitation behind them at all. “I want you to fuck me,” he whispers back, and Kurt didn’t expect him to use that word - he’s never heard Blaine utter a single curse word ever, and he’s shocked how much his stomach twists up at the sound of it rasping in his ear, how his breath hitches at the utterance of it. “I -” he starts to say, as if he didn’t expect himself to use that word either, but Kurt cuts him off, kissing him hungrily and trying to guide them to the bed.
They’ve done this enough times that it’s easy, but everything’s still a little unexpected. Kurt can’t predict Blaine’s moves, and there’s still new spots uncovered, both good and bad, like the spot on Blaine’s shoulder where he’s too ticklish for Kurt to spend too much time on, or the spot underneath Kurt’s hipbone that drives him crazy. Since there’s no worry of Rachel or Quinn coming home, there’s no underlying sense of urgency. They take their time memorizing each line and curve on each other’s body with lips and hands, soft touches that lead to so much more, and finally, Kurt searches in the rumpled sheets for the lube he grabbed earlier when he grabbed the condoms and Blaine whines out when he realizes.
“Hey,” he whispers, kissing Blaine quickly, because there’s something he wants to ask, something he wants to try, and he doesn’t want to catch Blaine off guard. “Is it okay if instead of using just my fingers, I use my mouth too? I’ve always wanted to try that.”
Blaine blinks darkly back at Kurt before saying, “That’s something people do?” Kurt’s mouth drops open, wanting to tell him they don’t have to, but Blaine’s too quick for him. “I mean - yes, of course, Kurt that’s - yeah.” Kurt ducks and grins, asking Blaine to roll over on his side. He uses his palms to spread Blaine’s cheeks, biting back a groan at the sight he wasn’t afforded the last time they did this. He has no clue what he’s doing, but there’s no need to vocalize that, nosing his way closer to drop a kiss at the dimples of Blaine’s back, and then lower, lower, until he’s reached the top of Blaine’s crack.
He breathes out a bit harshly, and he’s close enough that the air tickles over Blaine’s skin, who shivers underneath it. A bit of panic sets in before Kurt tells himself to cool it, that he’s with Blaine and he’s doing the same exact thing he did with his fingers, only with his tongue, and Blaine said yes, rather enthusiastically, he might add - he’s not going to freak out. He starts off exactly the same even, figuring it’s as good a start as any, trailing his tongue straight down the crack of Blaine’s ass and back up again. He hears Blaine breathe out oh, oh, oh, his head turned on its side into the pillows, so see? Nothing to worry about.
Kurt traces his tongue around the rim of Blaine’s entrance in slow, languid circles, the heady taste finally hitting him and leaving him wanting more. He hears Blaine’s ragged breathing above him as he continues, stroking against him with firmer licks of his tongue. Things probably would be easier with Blaine on his stomach instead of his side, but Kurt can see Blaine’s profile when he looks up, even more of his face showing when he turns away from the pillows, and that makes everything worth it.
Kurt presses gently at his entrance with the tip of his tongue, just for a second before drawing circles with it once more, but Blaine begs, his voice low and quick, “Kurt, Kurt, do that again.” He does, pressing more firmly this time, and folding his tongue just so, just so a little bit slips inside, and Kurt groans at how much stronger Blaine tastes, how tight he feels around his tongue, how turned on he is right now because of it all. “Oh. Ohhhh, Kurt,” Blaine cries out, and Kurt pulls back momentarily to try again, to try to make it even better. There’s spit all over his chin from being pressed up against Blaine’s crack, from where it’s been dripping down, but he doesn’t care, folding his tongue again, delving deeper this time, and Blaine whimpers above him.
He keeps at it, slowly fucking his tongue in and out of Blaine, feeling his muscles relax and contract around him, and finally, Blaine whines, “Kurt - you - you should stop - because - that’s really good.” Kurt’s been in such a zone, focusing on what’s right in front of him, he didn’t realize how Blaine started touching himself, fisting slowly at his cock, the tip shining already, and yeah, they should get on with things.
“I’m glad you think so,” Kurt whispers against Blaine’s asscheek as he pulls away, letting his own erection brush over his other one as he reaches up the bed for the lube, just so Blaine knows how much it turned him on too. Blaine whines his name again at the contact, and Kurt’s so torn, because he knows they have to go slow, but god, he wants to be inside him right now. He wants to know how it feels, how Blaine will feel around him in the closest way possible.
One finger slides in easily thanks to his tongue, so he slips in a second and hears Blaine sigh with relief. It looks like he feels the same way Kurt does. He waits until both fingers aren’t met with resistance anymore before working in a third, and finally, Kurt asks, “Do you want to - should we stay like this?”
“Yeah, that’s - just - please,” Blaine breathes out, and Kurt grabs one of the condoms. He fumbles a little bit, and Blaine laughs, light and breathy. Kurt huffs back, “Shush, you weren’t supposed to see that.”
Blaine stops laughing and whispers, “I love you,” winding his left hand back towards Kurt. Kurt twines his own left hand with it, threading their fingers together and repeating the phrase. Their hands stay together as Kurt lines his cock up with his right hand, as they both gasp as the head presses in slowly, as Kurt kisses and licks at the nape of Blaine’s neck to distract him. Blaine’s so impossibly tight around him, Kurt has no idea how he’s not hurting Blaine. Blaine’s hand grips his tighter, and Kurt stills his hips when his cock is about halfway in, murmuring Blaine’s name against his ear, needing to know he’s okay.
“You’re just - huge,” Blaine blurts out. Kurt knows he’s not really, but compared to his fingers, it must seem that way, and his chuckle tickles Blaine’s neck. “You can - you can -”
“More?” he whispers, and Blaine nods, so he continues working his cock in slowly, little by little, trying so hard to be patient when his body is telling him otherwise. Blaine feels so amazing around him and his hips keep wanting to twitch forward and thrust further inside. He finally bottoms out, his hand still gripping Blaine’s tightly, and Blaine turns his head backwards, glancing towards Kurt. Their eyes meet and lock and it’s almost too much, because Blaine is actually everywhere - warm and wet and tight around him, Blaine’s eyes pouring into his soul, his back pressed tight up against Kurt’s chest, and Kurt’s overwhelmed at all the sensations hitting him at once.
Kurt’s hips finally give out, stuttering and grinding shakily against Blaine’s ass, but Blaine just grunts and grinds his own hips back towards him. Kurt lets go of Blaine’s sweaty palm (not that his is any better), gripping his waist instead and starting to shallowly thrust. Blaine’s started to relax around him, but he’s still so tight, and the friction from the slow drag of his cock in and out of Blaine is driving him crazy, pulling everything within him tighter and tighter. Kurt knows their first time won’t last forever, but he tries to draw it out, tucking his face against the crease of Blaine’s shoulder and neck, rolling his hips in slow circles as Blaine gasps beside him. Blaine tilts his head backwards again, trying to reach and kiss him, and their lips meet messily and off center, better in idea than in actual practice.
“K-Kurt, I - I’m so -” Blaine gasps, and Kurt noses his way to whisper harshly in his ear. “You - you should touch yourself. Like you were before, th-that was so hot.” Kurt begins to thrust again, just as Blaine wraps a hand around his dick, Kurt groaning at the sight. He didn’t get to watch before, but the fact that Blaine’s fisting at his cock while Kurt’s pounding into him is a giant turn on. He’s trying to stave off his impending orgasm because he really wants Blaine to come first, wants to feel his body clenching around him before sending him over the edge.
He doesn’t have to wait long before Blaine does, Blaine reaching back for Kurt’s hand again with the hand not wrapped around his cock just before it hits. Their hands grip together, Blaine squeezing hard just as his body spasms in pleasure, his head thrown back against the pillows, and everything feels so good for Kurt as well, he can’t even wait until Blaine’s done before his own orgasm takes over. He’s holding onto Blaine’s hand far harder than he should, he realizes once his head clears, and loosens his grip, laughing lightly against the top of Blaine’s shoulder.
“Mmmm,” Blaine sighs happily, nuzzling against Kurt’s cheek. They lay in silence for a while, and Kurt thinks Blaine even drifts off from the way he jolts abruptly some time later, but Kurt’s lost in thought. Thinking of all of their moments together, from their bumbling first meetings and kisses that were not and broken toes and meddling friends and brothers to tentative first kisses that were and slightly embarrassing moments and first snowfalls to something more and newfound love to this … whatever this is.
Kurt’s not entirely sure, but it seems like more, and he’s sure there’s even more ahead.
He’s ready for it.
***
Weeks later, they’re settling into their new routine almost perfectly. Kurt usually doesn’t wait for Blaine anymore, unless he has a legitimate excuse to work late, heading home whenever he’s done for the day and waiting for Blaine at home. He usually gets dinner started once Blaine calls on his way to the train so everything is ready for them to eat together, spending their weekday nights in total domesticity but loving every moment of it. Weekends, they go out with Quinn and Rachel, and even make it to Callbacks finally, and one Friday night, Kurt brings Blaine to a Vogue event where he meets Isabelle, where he gets the fairy godmother seal of approval.
They go shopping one weekend for a desk for Blaine to actually turn Rachel’s old space into an office, moving Kurt’s desk in there as well and picking up some more bookcases. Kurt’s happy with how everything turned out since Blaine wasn’t around to decorate the apartment with him, it’s as if they’ve put their own spin on things together. One afternoon, he drops his work things off at his desk when he notices a legal pad sitting on the top of Blaine’s desk that wasn’t there that morning.
He almost walks away without looking, but then he spies NYC Affirmations Take 2 at the top, and Blaine wouldn’t have left it out if he hadn’t wanted him to see, right? He knows Kurt comes in here every afternoon to get rid of his things and would walk right past it.
He picks up the legal pad and looks at the top of the list. Some of the things have been moved over, only reworded, like figure out a purposeful career as well as new things like find the right college and attend. Kurt doesn’t have his own section anymore, but he’s definitely there. Start each day with love and never go to bed angry (the first - and only - time they quibbled since Blaine moved in was just over a silly mix up in routines after a long day for both of them, who was supposed to do what, and they definitely did not go to bed angry).
There’s a tiny a work in progress … just like me :) written in the corner and Kurt grins, running his fingers over Blaine’s writing. He debates what to do for a second, going back and forth on whether or not to add anything or not, and then decides why not, scribbling his own affirmation for Blaine down a few lines as to not interfere with anything else he’s going to add himself and setting the pad of paper back on his desk.
After that, Kurt goes about the rest of his afternoon. He and Blaine eat dinner when he gets home and they snuggle in the bed together catching up on ‘Face Off.’ Kurt forgets about waiting for Blaine to find his little note, and it isn’t until they’re getting ready for bed, both leaving the bathroom after having brushed their teeth, the list catches his eye, no longer sitting on Blaine’s desk, but taped up over it.
He walks over to the office to take a better look, and Blaine comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and hooking his head over his shoulder. “I thought they’d be better reminders if they were someplace I could see them all the time. What you tacked on is perfect.”
Kurt reads over the words one more time. Always remember that you are loved.
He thinks that’s a good thing for both of them to remember.
***
New York Affirmations One & New York Affirmations Two
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