Fic: Shatter The Walls For A New Sun {7/10}
Title Shatter The Walls For A New Sun 7/10
Rating NC-17
Word Count 5,000/42,100
Summary AU in which Blaine was raised by highly religious parents and escapes to NYC with Quinn, moving in next door to Rachel and Kurt. (Alternately: Bible!Blaine meets NYC!Kurt. Shit happens.)
Notes Sorry this has taken longer than the usual - this past week has been a time suck of sickness. Still looking to get this wrapped up next week-ish. Thanks to ccmskatechick for patting me on the head & holding my hand when my brain got scrambled.
January brings cold and snow. Really, nothing like the gorgeous white blankets they enjoyed in Ohio those last few days, but dirty slush and ice that line the streets and make commuting the downright awful. It’s dark and dreary by the time Blaine gets off, both of them mainlining coffee simply to keep warm. Kurt’s thankful he’s regained the full use of his foot over the holiday break because that would just make things even more miserable. He also grows increasingly jealous of Blaine’s midday commute, when the sun is out (or at least the semblance of light), and would rethink the whole waiting after work for Blaine thing if seeing his face at seven-thirty every night didn’t bring him such joy, making him instantly forget the fact that he’s been away from his apartment for twelve hours.
Despite getting to leave the apartment at twelve instead of seven-thirty, the cold’s taking a toll on Blaine as well - he certainly wasn’t used to this in California. It doesn’t help it seems as if he’s growing increasingly frustrated with his job, and one Friday night in late January, he just snaps. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he laments, dumping his satchel into the booth at Starbucks across from where Kurt is seated, not even saying hello to the baristas behind the counter like usual. “With my life, with anything, I just -”
He collapses into the seat, folding his arms on the table and burying his head into them. Nate behind the cash register catches Kurt’s eye, sending him a worrying glance and holds up a cup. Kurt nods, flashing his card, and Nate just shakes his head, set making Blaine’s soy latte, springing for a venti even. Kurt moves Blaine’s satchel from the other side of the open-ended booth, moving it next to his, and sits down next to him, rubbing at his back.
“Hey,” he says soothingly. “You’re here with me. You’re doing something right.” He continues to rub circles into Blaine’s back, mouthing a ‘thank you’ when Nate brings the latte, and the scent of espresso so close brings Blaine to attention.
“You - you didn’t have to buy my latte,” Blaine mutters, wrapping his hands around the cup all the same, sighing at the comforting warmth.
“I didn’t. Tip Nate on the way out if you have any cash. Drink your coffee because coffee makes everything better, at least for a little while,” Kurt says with a smile. “When you’re done, we’ll go to dinner and you’ll tell me all about this and then we’ll go home, okay?” He’s met with a smile, and for the few minutes it takes Blaine to drink enough his latte before they venture out into the cold, he seems to forget his worries.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine says, once they’re outside and bundled back up, walking in the direction of the subway. There’s an Italian place they sometimes stop for pizza and that’ll do for tonight.
“Don’t be,” Kurt replies, slipping their hands together as they walk and Blaine finishes his coffee, and they don’t speak again until they’re seated in the warmth of the restaurant. “Tell me about your awful day,” he prompts, taking Blaine’s hand again across the table once their waitress is gone.
“It’s not even that today was awful,” Blaine says with a laugh, resting his chin on his other hand propped on the table by his elbow. “It’s just - this whole week - it’s really hit me. Everyone that I’m working with, this is it for them. I’ve been here six months and I have no better idea with what I want to do with my life, this - this was supposed to just be until I figured that out, I didn’t even find a second job, and I don’t even know if I can be myself here -”
Blaine’s starting to get a little worked up, and even though they’re sitting in the corner and the restaurant’s pretty deserted, Kurt feels bad for him in his slightly hysterical state. “Hey. I thought you felt like this was a good match for you.”
“I - I did,” Blaine admits, sighing and smiling apologetically when the waitress brings their sodas. He sips for a moment before continuing. “The church is supposed to be accepting of gay people, I did some research before I took the job, but - I haven’t seen it. Maybe I just haven’t had the chance. Maybe gay people just don’t go there. But there’s nothing on the bulletin boards, and I’ve made some comments to Amy, trying to test the waters since she’s the youngest out of everyone, and I don’t know that she’s been cold, but -”
He breaks off with another sigh, stirring the ice in his glass with his straw. “Caroline keeps trying to set me up with her niece. I - I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to get fired - I don’t know that I can afford to get fired, but the whole point of coming here was to stop hiding who I was. I’m so sick of it and I don’t want it anymore.”
Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand tightly and takes a sip of his own soda before saying, “Okay. Okay. Well, this is not your only option. Like you said, this was just the best in you had when you came here. Let’s brainstorm. Why did you want to be a music director? Tell me the most basic reason, deep down.”
“It sounds stupid though,” Blaine says after thinking a moment, and after a pointed glare from Kurt, he continues. “I like helping people. I like making art and helping people, at the same time.”
Kurt can’t hold back his grin at the explanation. “I have the most adorable boyfriend ever,” he declares, and the waitress reappears with their pizza at that very moment. She winks at him and agrees, setting the tray down, and Blaine looks like he’s about to crawl under the table from embarrassment.
“Adorableness aside,” Kurt continues a few moments later, getting them back on track once they both have pizza on their plates and the waitress is gone. “Blaine, I’m sure there are plenty of things you can do with your life that combine art and making people’s lives better. Things we can’t even think of. You were going to go to college before all this, right? There are tons of colleges in Manhattan and Brooklyn, maybe you could apply to some of those. Take out some loans like Quinn. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re going to do yet.”
“She certainly doesn’t,” Blaine mutters, and Kurt laughs. Quinn’s only two semesters in and she already changed her major from English Lit to Psychology. “I guess now is the right time to apply for fall, right?”
“I believe it is. You could talk to some guidance counselors too, see what they have to say. Maybe they can lead you in the right direction. Or, maybe they’ll be completely useless and you’ll stumble on something you love completely on your own.”
Blaine eats his pizza quietly for a bit before pursing his lips and saying, “Thank you for being so rational and letting me freak out about this. I just - I want you to be proud to be with me.”
“I am always so proud to be with you, Blaine Anderson. Don’t you forget it.” They smile over their pepperoni and Kurt thinks Blaine just might believe him.
“I think you should tell Caroline,” Kurt says once they’re safely on the J train to Bushwick, nestled in a seat close together. “Just tell her that her niece isn’t your type and see if she takes the hint.” The corners of his mouth curl up in a grin and their car is thankfully empty, so Blaine leans over to sneak a kiss.
“Caroline may be in her sixties, but she’s smart as a whip, she’d definitely take the hint.” Blaine sighs into his scarf. “I’ll feel her out next week. And, next week in the mornings I’ll research some schools to apply to. Maybe Quinn can even get me a meeting with someone at Columbia to talk to about my options.”
“Excellent plan,” Kurt replies, curling into his side and hoping their car remains empty as long as possible since it’s too late for rush hour and too early for people to be going out for the night. “Are you excited for our day tomorrow?”
“You know it,” Blaine answers with a grin so wide, Kurt can feel Blaine’s cheek brush against his. Kurt’s Christmas present of ‘Newsies’ tickets are for the matinee show tomorrow and they’ve planned to make a whole day of it, getting an early dinner afterwards. Rachel is going to Callbacks tomorrow night, which means she should be gone by the time they get home, leaving them hours of alone time in the loft they normally aren’t accustomed to. Kurt can’t imagine a more perfect day if he tries.
“Me too,” and with that, the seriousness of the week is behind them and the frivolity of the day they’ve planned is what’s ahead, and it’s so, so earned.
***
Since he knows Blaine needs a pick me up, Kurt goes out of his way to make their date extra special. He knocks on the door promptly at noon, so they can stop at the bakery for bagels and coffee before taking the train in, and Quinn answers, hair freshly trimmed and colored, all honey highlighted, not a pink streak in sight.
“Quinn! Your hair! I love it!” Kurt declares, squeezing her and kissing her cheek as he passes her on the way in. The pink started to fade around Christmas, but Kurt thought maybe pastel was a new look she was going for or something.
“Thanks,” she replies with a smile, patting his shoulder. “I figured a year and a half was long enough. Time to change things up. Blaine will be right out. I sadly couldn’t convince him to wear his appropriate matching hat.” She pouts and walks over to the coffee table, picking the newsboy cap off of it and placing it on her own head.
“It’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” Kurt hears Blaine’s voice travel from his corner of the loft, finally stepping out. He’s wearing one of the bow ties Kurt got him for Christmas as well, offering Kurt a nervous smile, and Kurt grins himself, walking over to meet him. He plants a quick kiss on Blaine’s lips, despite Quinn watching, and he hopes Blaine doesn’t mind too much. Blaine’s barely blushing when he backs away.
“I have to agree about the cap. Though I’m sure it looks adorable on you. You’ll have to wear it another time.”
Quinn sends them out the door with wishes for a good day and it really, really is. The show is wonderful, of course, but Kurt’s favorite part is watching Blaine’s reactions to everything. How the crowd lining up in the street beforehand makes his face light up, the discussion about how cozy the theater is, the actual joy in his face at intermission as he holds his program like a prized possession. They discuss the show all through dinner at a bistro around the corner, and Kurt thinks he needs to splurge on Broadway tickets for them more often now that his job is a little more cushy. Kurt definitely imagined seeing more shows in the pretend New York life that he designed for himself back in Lima, when in reality, the only shows he saw last year were off-off-Broadway monstrosities Brody scored them tickets to, and Rachel feigning enjoyment for his benefit.
They walk around the city for a bit to ensure Rachel is gone by the time they arrive back home, just around Times Square, which should have lost its magic by now for Kurt, seeing as he’s there every day, but it’s different tonight. It’s different with Blaine, at night all lit up, walking hand in hand. It’s snowing lightly, not enough to stick, thank goodness, so there won’t be a mess or any trouble getting home, just enough for a little bit of magic. They pick up overpriced cupcakes for dessert with handfuls of tourists, but it’s worth it to see Blaine with frosting on his nose, which Kurt kisses off in the street when they’re huddled under an awning.
By the time they do make it home, it’s after eight, and Rachel is thankfully gone. Even on an early night, Rachel will stay at Callbacks until at least midnight, meaning she won’t get home until after one if the trains are on her side, so they have all the time in the world for once. Since they’ve been back from Ohio, they’ve only had stolen moments when they weren’t quite sure when to expect their roommates back, or even when they did, it wasn’t anything as definite as this - only an hour here or there. Rachel walked in on them once, mid-makeout session, while a movie played on Kurt’s laptop. She was supposed to be out much later, and Kurt was thankful they decided to cover up with a blanket on the couch, since his hand had been shoved down Blaine’s pants when she slid the door open.
Kurt locks them in, hanging up his coat and scarf, and finds Blaine hovering right behind him. “Finally,” he says, curling himself around Kurt’s back and kissing behind his ear. “Alone at last.”
“Mmm,” Kurt hums, leaning back into Blaine’s touch. “What do you propose we do with this luxury?”
“I don’t really care as long as we’re naked in your bed,” Blaine whispers against his ear, and Kurt laughs, reaching for his hand to drag him to his corner of the loft. He pulls his curtain closed, just in case, to give them some semblance of privacy, and worries his fingers with Blaine’s bow tie to get things started right after. Fingers move swiftly over each other’s buttons, and Blaine laughs nervously when their hands cross and get tangled, and once they’re down to their underthings, Kurt murmurs, “Let’s just get in bed, I need to kiss you.”
“Not naked yet though,” Blaine points out once Kurt is on his back, lifting up his undershirt and trailing his tongue up Kurt’s stomach. He heads back down, slower this time, taking pause to place kisses along the trail he left in the center of Kurt’s torso and his muscles are twitching under the scrutiny. Blaine’s usually not this brazen, and he’s not quite sure what’s gotten into him, but he’s not complaining. “I just - I’ve been thinking about being able to get you naked again for so long now, Kurt, I -”
When Kurt thinks about it, he supposes they haven’t really been naked since their one night together in Ohio. He was trying to make the sex thing not a big deal - make things spontaneous, whenever they had time, as to not put pressure on Blaine to do anything more than he felt comfortable with, but now he’s wishing he’d planned better, pulled roommate privilege and kicked Rachel out a few nights. He pulls his undershirt up over his head and scrambles his fingers along Blaine’s sides for his own before saying, “Why didn’t you say anything? We could have - before now - oh, Blaine.” His thoughts are derailed because Blaine’s found his collarbone and Kurt just can’t concentrate when he’s mouthing at that.
“I - I don’t know,” Blaine says, suddenly shy again, backing away, and Kurt wraps a hand around his neck to bring their lips together finally.
“Don’t,” he whines, kissing him insistently once more. “Don’t - I want you to tell me what you want, Blaine. Whatever you want, always.”
“I - I.” Blaine closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to fortify himself as Kurt stares up at him. “I want to kiss you and t-touch you and make you come, oh Kurt, I - I want you so bad.”
Kurt bites the inside of his lip to keep from smiling too much at Blaine’s bluntness. “I want that too. Here, just.” He looks up at Blaine briefly, rolling away to rummage in his nightstand drawer and lose his boxer briefs. “Give me your hand,” he murmurs as he gets back in position underneath Blaine, looking up at him underneath his lashes. He clicks the lube bottle open to dribble some into Blaine’s palm, explaining at his questioning expression, “It, ah, feels better.”
“Like this?” Blaine asks, reaching down to stroke at Kurt’s cock, long and slow, and the pressure is wonderful, and he’s looking down at Kurt with his eyes wide. Kurt gasps against his neck, whining praise and nonsense as Blaine finds his footing and his strokes become more sure. He falls on his side to get closer to Kurt, licking at his mouth and jaw as his hand twists, the lube making everything perfectly slick, and Kurt reaches out for him, pulling Blaine’s own briefs down over the swell of his ass, the lone piece of clothing that remains, and gripping tightly, pulling him closer still.
“J-just like that, just -” He cuts off with a gasp as he feels the pressure building faster, ducking against Blaine’s chest to watch how his cock disappears and reappears through the grip of Blaine’s fist, entranced for far too long, lost in the repetitive back and forth of it, over and over and over again. “You’re - so good, Blaine, so -”
“Yeah?” he breathes against Kurt’s hair, steadily pumping, and Kurt cries out when he squeezes just under the head, because he’s so, so close. “I love you so much, Kurt, and you’re - you’re so gorgeous like this.”
“I love you too, I -” Kurt lifts his head back up, searching for Blaine’s mouth, and Blaine only strokes him once, twice more before his hips stutter forward and he’s coming all over Blaine’s hand. Blaine kisses him through it, even when his mouth goes limp, when his brain is clouded with pleasure and it’s all too much, so much. When he can think clearly once again, he pulls Blaine’s briefs down his thighs the rest of the way and uses them to wipe them both clean before rolling further on his back and finding the lube bottle wedged behind him. He winces, making sure the cap is closed tightly before tossing it over to the other side of the bed.
“Are - are you going to use that on me too?” Blaine asks, smiling selfconciously as they shift to get more comfortable.
Kurt looks up at him and thinks for a moment, thinks back to before when Blaine was practically begging to get Kurt naked, and he’s done holding back, done trying to only do what he thinks Blaine is ready for, when it’s obvious he’s clearly mistaken. “I - I have an idea for something better, if you’ll let me. If you trust me.”
He climbs over Blaine’s body, hard and wanting underneath him, Blaine looking up at him with a curious expression. “I always trust you,” Blaine murmurs against his lips before they kiss. Kurt hums affirmingly and moves down his body, placing kisses in his wake, across his sternum, in the dip under his ribcage, over his hipbones. “Kurt,” he cries out softly, his voice breaking on the tail end of his name, and he must have figured out what Kurt’s up to by now.
“Still okay?” Kurt asks, Blaine’s cock accidentally brushing up against his cheek as he moves closer and Blaine whimpers his name again, which Kurt takes as a yes. He wets his lips, Blaine’s eyes transfixed as his tongue darts out between them, leaning closer to place kisses down the shaft. He hears Blaine suck in a deep breath above him, still watching intently, and tries to make it the best ever even though he know Blaine won’t even know the difference. He moves up to the head, sucking lightly, and that’s when he hears Blaine exhale sharply.
He pulls off, just long enough to say, “Don’t hold back on me, remember?” His lips brush the tip of Blaine’s cock as he says it, not hesitating to take Blaine a little deeper when he wraps his lips around it once more, and he feels the sheets rumple under Blaine’s fingers and hears a steady chant of ‘oh, oh, oh my’ fall from his lips. Kurt’s tucked between Blaine’s legs and his own fingers are gripping at his waist and hips.
He allows one of his hands to wander backwards to Blaine’s ass, not because he needs to bring him closer necessarily, just because he likes the feel of the smooth muscle under his fingertips. Blaine must enjoy it too from the groan it elicits and Kurt files it away for next time, for the many, many more times they’ll do this, and even though he’s already come, something tugs tight within him at the thought. The thought that they’re so in love and they have so much ahead of them to share.
Kurt flattens his tongue and takes him deeper, even more, and even though it hasn’t been that long, his jaw just barely starting to ache, he can feel Blaine starting to tense up nervously underneath him. “Oh, Kurt, I can’t last, oh, oh my g-gosh -”
Kurt pulls off quickly, blurting out to reassure him, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you can come in my mouth, come on,” before sinking back down, sucking with renewed vigor, and Blaine comes with a shout so loud, Kurt’s suddenly thankful for their thick brick walls since he’s pretty sure Quinn stayed in tonight. He pulls off with a smile, ghosting kisses across Blaine’s thighs that cause him to shiver until he’s giggling and grabbing at Kurt’s shoulder and pulling him up towards the pillows.
“You,” Blaine breathes out, bringing him close and wrapping his arms around him, his strong forearms enveloping Kurt’s back, and Kurt sighs against Blaine’s chest. “I - I really want to kiss you now, is that weird, or gross, or -”
Kurt laughs against Blaine’s skin, tilting his neck far enough back so Blaine can get at his mouth. “None of the above, if you don’t think so,” he purrs as he wraps his own arms around Blaine’s neck, letting Blaine set the pace as their lips meet. Blaine’s lips buzz against his as he hums happily, kissing him soft and sweet, and it’s still early, it must be - Kurt doesn’t want their night to end. “Hey, I know Rachel will be here in the morning, but - you should stay.”
“Yeah?” Blaine looks unsure for a moment, as if he wants to but he doesn’t know if a pestering Rachel first thing in the morning will be worth it. “Why am I even thinking? I get to spend the night sleeping next to you,” he finally says with a grin and pecks at Kurt’s check as Kurt squirms underneath him.
“That’s more like it,” he says, finally getting Blaine to stop his kiss assault (they were starting to tickle, and no need for Blaine to learn that information). “Come on, let’s go shower.” The loft showers are barely big enough for two people, but Kurt’s somehow sure they’ll manage.
They always do.
***
Kurt wakes up to Blaine wrapped around him, legs over his and an arm gripped around his waist like a vice, and the sound of Rachel pattering in the kitchen. He looks over at the clock, and it’s after nine, which means Rachel’s slept very little, and they’ve slept far too long. He and Blaine were asleep long before Rachel came home, but really, he can’t remember the last time he slept more than eight hours a night.
“Good morning, sleepy,” Blaine mutters against his shoulder, sounding quite sleepy himself, and Kurt knows he needs coffee from all those mornings way back in late summer, when Blaine was sleeping on the couch just a curtain and wall divider away. It seems like a lifetime ago. Kurt pulls them both out of bed, trying to make them look presentable enough for Rachel’s scrutiny, before pulling back the ivory curtain.
“Morning Kurt,” Rachel says around a yawn from their table. “... And Blaine,” she adds when she realizes, shooting Kurt a scandalous look from over her mug of tea. He rolls his eyes at her, steering Blaine to the coffee pot and grabbing them some mugs. “Fun night?” she asks, her tone full of so much cheek, he wants to smack her. Luckily, Blaine is still pretty dazed, so he doesn’t even realize.
“Wonderful,” Kurt replies tersely, grabbing the half-and-half from the fridge. “How was Callbacks? Full of future Broadway divas clawing their way over a piano to sing today’s latest pop hits as usual?”
Rachel stares pointedly at Kurt before sipping her tea and answering. “Callbacks was lovely. You and Blaine should come with me next time! I haven’t heard Blaine sing yet - doesn’t he sing for those aftercare kids all the time? Have you sung for Kurt yet, Blaine?”
Kurt walks over to the coffee pot, accepting a mug from Blaine with a smile. “No, he hasn’t. While we should change that, we don’t need to go to an over-hyped bar to do so.”
Blaine stirs cream and sugar into his coffee, sighing after the first sip and finally speaking. “We should change that.” He throws Kurt a mischievous look and adds, “Let me see what I can do.”
“Do you want to stay for breakfast?” Kurt asks quietly, straightening the hem Blaine’s tee shirt, not really because it needs to be fixed, just for the excuse to touch him. His fingers brush the soft flesh of Blaine’s stomach, just above the waistband of the borrowed sweatpants he’s wearing, and he knows Rachel can’t see from where she’s sitting.
Blaine smiles sadly, reaching for Kurt’s hand with his. “I - I should probably go, before Quinn sends out a search party for me.” Kurt knows Sunday is Blaine’s day with Quinn to do their own thing, and he never wants to interfere with that. He squeezes Blaine’s hand and they head back to his nook of the loft to grab his things, telling Blaine to leave his clothes and he’ll wash them with his own. “Have a nice day, Rach,” Blaine says with a little wave as they walk out into the hall.
“You too, Blaine!” she replies brightly, and Kurt just glares at her.
“Thank you for staying, even though it meant braving Rachel, and now Quinn,” Kurt says, biting the corner of his mouth, because he hadn’t even thought about what Quinn might say. They passed off their earlier sleepover at Thanksgiving as just accidentally falling asleep, and he knows Quinn doesn’t actually care, but somehow he feels Blaine is going to get teased mercilessly once he walks through the door.
“It was all worth it,” Blaine assures him with a smile and a kiss before retreating next door with an “I love you,” so he figures he can’t be too worried.
“You guys were so quiet. I didn’t even realize Blaine was here,” Rachel says the instant Kurt’s back inside, and he sits across from her at the table.
“That’s because we didn’t do anything. We just slept.” Rachel shoots him another pointed glare, and he amends his statement. “Okay, okay, we just slept while you were here, shut up.”
“I knew it!” Rachel squealed excitedly, bracing her hands around her mug on the table. “I knew once Blaine was introduced to his most primitive, carnal instincts -”
“Oh, god, no, stop!” Kurt wails, holding his hands to his ears for emphasis. “I’m … not talking about this with you. Aside from saying Valentine’s Day is in two weeks, and if you could vacate the apartment … I would like to cook Blaine dinner, oh, stop making that face, for the love of god.”
“That’s not a problem,” Rachel replies, getting up and taking her mug to the sink to wash it out. “Callbacks is having singles night then, actually, and I was planning on being in attendance. You never know who might show up!” She turns to him then and tilts her head. “I - I guess I haven’t given you and Blaine much privacy, have I?”
“Well - no, but I haven’t really said anything until now. Don’t worry about it.” Kurt eyes Rachel, who’s looking at him kind of thoughtfully now, and he asks, “What?”
“Nothing,” she responds, shaking her head, but then she says, “Just - you and Blaine. I guess I didn’t realize how serious things got so fast. I mean, it makes sense, you guys knew each other for so many months before you got together, and he’s Blaine, after all. Simply a random observation is all.” Kurt’s not sure how to take it at first until she adds, “Oh, it’s a good thing silly, love looks good on you is all I’m saying!”
Kurt laughs and ducks his head towards his coffee. “Thanks, Rachel. That’s … nice of you to notice.”
“Of course,” Rachel responds, and her reply seems a little off, as if there’s something behind it - the wheels are turning for sure, and Kurt just hopes he likes whatever her brain spits out at him when he finally learns what it is.
Previous // Next
Rating NC-17
Word Count 5,000/42,100
Summary AU in which Blaine was raised by highly religious parents and escapes to NYC with Quinn, moving in next door to Rachel and Kurt. (Alternately: Bible!Blaine meets NYC!Kurt. Shit happens.)
Notes Sorry this has taken longer than the usual - this past week has been a time suck of sickness. Still looking to get this wrapped up next week-ish. Thanks to ccmskatechick for patting me on the head & holding my hand when my brain got scrambled.
January brings cold and snow. Really, nothing like the gorgeous white blankets they enjoyed in Ohio those last few days, but dirty slush and ice that line the streets and make commuting the downright awful. It’s dark and dreary by the time Blaine gets off, both of them mainlining coffee simply to keep warm. Kurt’s thankful he’s regained the full use of his foot over the holiday break because that would just make things even more miserable. He also grows increasingly jealous of Blaine’s midday commute, when the sun is out (or at least the semblance of light), and would rethink the whole waiting after work for Blaine thing if seeing his face at seven-thirty every night didn’t bring him such joy, making him instantly forget the fact that he’s been away from his apartment for twelve hours.
Despite getting to leave the apartment at twelve instead of seven-thirty, the cold’s taking a toll on Blaine as well - he certainly wasn’t used to this in California. It doesn’t help it seems as if he’s growing increasingly frustrated with his job, and one Friday night in late January, he just snaps. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” he laments, dumping his satchel into the booth at Starbucks across from where Kurt is seated, not even saying hello to the baristas behind the counter like usual. “With my life, with anything, I just -”
He collapses into the seat, folding his arms on the table and burying his head into them. Nate behind the cash register catches Kurt’s eye, sending him a worrying glance and holds up a cup. Kurt nods, flashing his card, and Nate just shakes his head, set making Blaine’s soy latte, springing for a venti even. Kurt moves Blaine’s satchel from the other side of the open-ended booth, moving it next to his, and sits down next to him, rubbing at his back.
“Hey,” he says soothingly. “You’re here with me. You’re doing something right.” He continues to rub circles into Blaine’s back, mouthing a ‘thank you’ when Nate brings the latte, and the scent of espresso so close brings Blaine to attention.
“You - you didn’t have to buy my latte,” Blaine mutters, wrapping his hands around the cup all the same, sighing at the comforting warmth.
“I didn’t. Tip Nate on the way out if you have any cash. Drink your coffee because coffee makes everything better, at least for a little while,” Kurt says with a smile. “When you’re done, we’ll go to dinner and you’ll tell me all about this and then we’ll go home, okay?” He’s met with a smile, and for the few minutes it takes Blaine to drink enough his latte before they venture out into the cold, he seems to forget his worries.
“I’m sorry,” Blaine says, once they’re outside and bundled back up, walking in the direction of the subway. There’s an Italian place they sometimes stop for pizza and that’ll do for tonight.
“Don’t be,” Kurt replies, slipping their hands together as they walk and Blaine finishes his coffee, and they don’t speak again until they’re seated in the warmth of the restaurant. “Tell me about your awful day,” he prompts, taking Blaine’s hand again across the table once their waitress is gone.
“It’s not even that today was awful,” Blaine says with a laugh, resting his chin on his other hand propped on the table by his elbow. “It’s just - this whole week - it’s really hit me. Everyone that I’m working with, this is it for them. I’ve been here six months and I have no better idea with what I want to do with my life, this - this was supposed to just be until I figured that out, I didn’t even find a second job, and I don’t even know if I can be myself here -”
Blaine’s starting to get a little worked up, and even though they’re sitting in the corner and the restaurant’s pretty deserted, Kurt feels bad for him in his slightly hysterical state. “Hey. I thought you felt like this was a good match for you.”
“I - I did,” Blaine admits, sighing and smiling apologetically when the waitress brings their sodas. He sips for a moment before continuing. “The church is supposed to be accepting of gay people, I did some research before I took the job, but - I haven’t seen it. Maybe I just haven’t had the chance. Maybe gay people just don’t go there. But there’s nothing on the bulletin boards, and I’ve made some comments to Amy, trying to test the waters since she’s the youngest out of everyone, and I don’t know that she’s been cold, but -”
He breaks off with another sigh, stirring the ice in his glass with his straw. “Caroline keeps trying to set me up with her niece. I - I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to get fired - I don’t know that I can afford to get fired, but the whole point of coming here was to stop hiding who I was. I’m so sick of it and I don’t want it anymore.”
Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand tightly and takes a sip of his own soda before saying, “Okay. Okay. Well, this is not your only option. Like you said, this was just the best in you had when you came here. Let’s brainstorm. Why did you want to be a music director? Tell me the most basic reason, deep down.”
“It sounds stupid though,” Blaine says after thinking a moment, and after a pointed glare from Kurt, he continues. “I like helping people. I like making art and helping people, at the same time.”
Kurt can’t hold back his grin at the explanation. “I have the most adorable boyfriend ever,” he declares, and the waitress reappears with their pizza at that very moment. She winks at him and agrees, setting the tray down, and Blaine looks like he’s about to crawl under the table from embarrassment.
“Adorableness aside,” Kurt continues a few moments later, getting them back on track once they both have pizza on their plates and the waitress is gone. “Blaine, I’m sure there are plenty of things you can do with your life that combine art and making people’s lives better. Things we can’t even think of. You were going to go to college before all this, right? There are tons of colleges in Manhattan and Brooklyn, maybe you could apply to some of those. Take out some loans like Quinn. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re going to do yet.”
“She certainly doesn’t,” Blaine mutters, and Kurt laughs. Quinn’s only two semesters in and she already changed her major from English Lit to Psychology. “I guess now is the right time to apply for fall, right?”
“I believe it is. You could talk to some guidance counselors too, see what they have to say. Maybe they can lead you in the right direction. Or, maybe they’ll be completely useless and you’ll stumble on something you love completely on your own.”
Blaine eats his pizza quietly for a bit before pursing his lips and saying, “Thank you for being so rational and letting me freak out about this. I just - I want you to be proud to be with me.”
“I am always so proud to be with you, Blaine Anderson. Don’t you forget it.” They smile over their pepperoni and Kurt thinks Blaine just might believe him.
“I think you should tell Caroline,” Kurt says once they’re safely on the J train to Bushwick, nestled in a seat close together. “Just tell her that her niece isn’t your type and see if she takes the hint.” The corners of his mouth curl up in a grin and their car is thankfully empty, so Blaine leans over to sneak a kiss.
“Caroline may be in her sixties, but she’s smart as a whip, she’d definitely take the hint.” Blaine sighs into his scarf. “I’ll feel her out next week. And, next week in the mornings I’ll research some schools to apply to. Maybe Quinn can even get me a meeting with someone at Columbia to talk to about my options.”
“Excellent plan,” Kurt replies, curling into his side and hoping their car remains empty as long as possible since it’s too late for rush hour and too early for people to be going out for the night. “Are you excited for our day tomorrow?”
“You know it,” Blaine answers with a grin so wide, Kurt can feel Blaine’s cheek brush against his. Kurt’s Christmas present of ‘Newsies’ tickets are for the matinee show tomorrow and they’ve planned to make a whole day of it, getting an early dinner afterwards. Rachel is going to Callbacks tomorrow night, which means she should be gone by the time they get home, leaving them hours of alone time in the loft they normally aren’t accustomed to. Kurt can’t imagine a more perfect day if he tries.
“Me too,” and with that, the seriousness of the week is behind them and the frivolity of the day they’ve planned is what’s ahead, and it’s so, so earned.
***
Since he knows Blaine needs a pick me up, Kurt goes out of his way to make their date extra special. He knocks on the door promptly at noon, so they can stop at the bakery for bagels and coffee before taking the train in, and Quinn answers, hair freshly trimmed and colored, all honey highlighted, not a pink streak in sight.
“Quinn! Your hair! I love it!” Kurt declares, squeezing her and kissing her cheek as he passes her on the way in. The pink started to fade around Christmas, but Kurt thought maybe pastel was a new look she was going for or something.
“Thanks,” she replies with a smile, patting his shoulder. “I figured a year and a half was long enough. Time to change things up. Blaine will be right out. I sadly couldn’t convince him to wear his appropriate matching hat.” She pouts and walks over to the coffee table, picking the newsboy cap off of it and placing it on her own head.
“It’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” Kurt hears Blaine’s voice travel from his corner of the loft, finally stepping out. He’s wearing one of the bow ties Kurt got him for Christmas as well, offering Kurt a nervous smile, and Kurt grins himself, walking over to meet him. He plants a quick kiss on Blaine’s lips, despite Quinn watching, and he hopes Blaine doesn’t mind too much. Blaine’s barely blushing when he backs away.
“I have to agree about the cap. Though I’m sure it looks adorable on you. You’ll have to wear it another time.”
Quinn sends them out the door with wishes for a good day and it really, really is. The show is wonderful, of course, but Kurt’s favorite part is watching Blaine’s reactions to everything. How the crowd lining up in the street beforehand makes his face light up, the discussion about how cozy the theater is, the actual joy in his face at intermission as he holds his program like a prized possession. They discuss the show all through dinner at a bistro around the corner, and Kurt thinks he needs to splurge on Broadway tickets for them more often now that his job is a little more cushy. Kurt definitely imagined seeing more shows in the pretend New York life that he designed for himself back in Lima, when in reality, the only shows he saw last year were off-off-Broadway monstrosities Brody scored them tickets to, and Rachel feigning enjoyment for his benefit.
They walk around the city for a bit to ensure Rachel is gone by the time they arrive back home, just around Times Square, which should have lost its magic by now for Kurt, seeing as he’s there every day, but it’s different tonight. It’s different with Blaine, at night all lit up, walking hand in hand. It’s snowing lightly, not enough to stick, thank goodness, so there won’t be a mess or any trouble getting home, just enough for a little bit of magic. They pick up overpriced cupcakes for dessert with handfuls of tourists, but it’s worth it to see Blaine with frosting on his nose, which Kurt kisses off in the street when they’re huddled under an awning.
By the time they do make it home, it’s after eight, and Rachel is thankfully gone. Even on an early night, Rachel will stay at Callbacks until at least midnight, meaning she won’t get home until after one if the trains are on her side, so they have all the time in the world for once. Since they’ve been back from Ohio, they’ve only had stolen moments when they weren’t quite sure when to expect their roommates back, or even when they did, it wasn’t anything as definite as this - only an hour here or there. Rachel walked in on them once, mid-makeout session, while a movie played on Kurt’s laptop. She was supposed to be out much later, and Kurt was thankful they decided to cover up with a blanket on the couch, since his hand had been shoved down Blaine’s pants when she slid the door open.
Kurt locks them in, hanging up his coat and scarf, and finds Blaine hovering right behind him. “Finally,” he says, curling himself around Kurt’s back and kissing behind his ear. “Alone at last.”
“Mmm,” Kurt hums, leaning back into Blaine’s touch. “What do you propose we do with this luxury?”
“I don’t really care as long as we’re naked in your bed,” Blaine whispers against his ear, and Kurt laughs, reaching for his hand to drag him to his corner of the loft. He pulls his curtain closed, just in case, to give them some semblance of privacy, and worries his fingers with Blaine’s bow tie to get things started right after. Fingers move swiftly over each other’s buttons, and Blaine laughs nervously when their hands cross and get tangled, and once they’re down to their underthings, Kurt murmurs, “Let’s just get in bed, I need to kiss you.”
“Not naked yet though,” Blaine points out once Kurt is on his back, lifting up his undershirt and trailing his tongue up Kurt’s stomach. He heads back down, slower this time, taking pause to place kisses along the trail he left in the center of Kurt’s torso and his muscles are twitching under the scrutiny. Blaine’s usually not this brazen, and he’s not quite sure what’s gotten into him, but he’s not complaining. “I just - I’ve been thinking about being able to get you naked again for so long now, Kurt, I -”
When Kurt thinks about it, he supposes they haven’t really been naked since their one night together in Ohio. He was trying to make the sex thing not a big deal - make things spontaneous, whenever they had time, as to not put pressure on Blaine to do anything more than he felt comfortable with, but now he’s wishing he’d planned better, pulled roommate privilege and kicked Rachel out a few nights. He pulls his undershirt up over his head and scrambles his fingers along Blaine’s sides for his own before saying, “Why didn’t you say anything? We could have - before now - oh, Blaine.” His thoughts are derailed because Blaine’s found his collarbone and Kurt just can’t concentrate when he’s mouthing at that.
“I - I don’t know,” Blaine says, suddenly shy again, backing away, and Kurt wraps a hand around his neck to bring their lips together finally.
“Don’t,” he whines, kissing him insistently once more. “Don’t - I want you to tell me what you want, Blaine. Whatever you want, always.”
“I - I.” Blaine closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to fortify himself as Kurt stares up at him. “I want to kiss you and t-touch you and make you come, oh Kurt, I - I want you so bad.”
Kurt bites the inside of his lip to keep from smiling too much at Blaine’s bluntness. “I want that too. Here, just.” He looks up at Blaine briefly, rolling away to rummage in his nightstand drawer and lose his boxer briefs. “Give me your hand,” he murmurs as he gets back in position underneath Blaine, looking up at him underneath his lashes. He clicks the lube bottle open to dribble some into Blaine’s palm, explaining at his questioning expression, “It, ah, feels better.”
“Like this?” Blaine asks, reaching down to stroke at Kurt’s cock, long and slow, and the pressure is wonderful, and he’s looking down at Kurt with his eyes wide. Kurt gasps against his neck, whining praise and nonsense as Blaine finds his footing and his strokes become more sure. He falls on his side to get closer to Kurt, licking at his mouth and jaw as his hand twists, the lube making everything perfectly slick, and Kurt reaches out for him, pulling Blaine’s own briefs down over the swell of his ass, the lone piece of clothing that remains, and gripping tightly, pulling him closer still.
“J-just like that, just -” He cuts off with a gasp as he feels the pressure building faster, ducking against Blaine’s chest to watch how his cock disappears and reappears through the grip of Blaine’s fist, entranced for far too long, lost in the repetitive back and forth of it, over and over and over again. “You’re - so good, Blaine, so -”
“Yeah?” he breathes against Kurt’s hair, steadily pumping, and Kurt cries out when he squeezes just under the head, because he’s so, so close. “I love you so much, Kurt, and you’re - you’re so gorgeous like this.”
“I love you too, I -” Kurt lifts his head back up, searching for Blaine’s mouth, and Blaine only strokes him once, twice more before his hips stutter forward and he’s coming all over Blaine’s hand. Blaine kisses him through it, even when his mouth goes limp, when his brain is clouded with pleasure and it’s all too much, so much. When he can think clearly once again, he pulls Blaine’s briefs down his thighs the rest of the way and uses them to wipe them both clean before rolling further on his back and finding the lube bottle wedged behind him. He winces, making sure the cap is closed tightly before tossing it over to the other side of the bed.
“Are - are you going to use that on me too?” Blaine asks, smiling selfconciously as they shift to get more comfortable.
Kurt looks up at him and thinks for a moment, thinks back to before when Blaine was practically begging to get Kurt naked, and he’s done holding back, done trying to only do what he thinks Blaine is ready for, when it’s obvious he’s clearly mistaken. “I - I have an idea for something better, if you’ll let me. If you trust me.”
He climbs over Blaine’s body, hard and wanting underneath him, Blaine looking up at him with a curious expression. “I always trust you,” Blaine murmurs against his lips before they kiss. Kurt hums affirmingly and moves down his body, placing kisses in his wake, across his sternum, in the dip under his ribcage, over his hipbones. “Kurt,” he cries out softly, his voice breaking on the tail end of his name, and he must have figured out what Kurt’s up to by now.
“Still okay?” Kurt asks, Blaine’s cock accidentally brushing up against his cheek as he moves closer and Blaine whimpers his name again, which Kurt takes as a yes. He wets his lips, Blaine’s eyes transfixed as his tongue darts out between them, leaning closer to place kisses down the shaft. He hears Blaine suck in a deep breath above him, still watching intently, and tries to make it the best ever even though he know Blaine won’t even know the difference. He moves up to the head, sucking lightly, and that’s when he hears Blaine exhale sharply.
He pulls off, just long enough to say, “Don’t hold back on me, remember?” His lips brush the tip of Blaine’s cock as he says it, not hesitating to take Blaine a little deeper when he wraps his lips around it once more, and he feels the sheets rumple under Blaine’s fingers and hears a steady chant of ‘oh, oh, oh my’ fall from his lips. Kurt’s tucked between Blaine’s legs and his own fingers are gripping at his waist and hips.
He allows one of his hands to wander backwards to Blaine’s ass, not because he needs to bring him closer necessarily, just because he likes the feel of the smooth muscle under his fingertips. Blaine must enjoy it too from the groan it elicits and Kurt files it away for next time, for the many, many more times they’ll do this, and even though he’s already come, something tugs tight within him at the thought. The thought that they’re so in love and they have so much ahead of them to share.
Kurt flattens his tongue and takes him deeper, even more, and even though it hasn’t been that long, his jaw just barely starting to ache, he can feel Blaine starting to tense up nervously underneath him. “Oh, Kurt, I can’t last, oh, oh my g-gosh -”
Kurt pulls off quickly, blurting out to reassure him, “It’s okay, it’s okay, you can come in my mouth, come on,” before sinking back down, sucking with renewed vigor, and Blaine comes with a shout so loud, Kurt’s suddenly thankful for their thick brick walls since he’s pretty sure Quinn stayed in tonight. He pulls off with a smile, ghosting kisses across Blaine’s thighs that cause him to shiver until he’s giggling and grabbing at Kurt’s shoulder and pulling him up towards the pillows.
“You,” Blaine breathes out, bringing him close and wrapping his arms around him, his strong forearms enveloping Kurt’s back, and Kurt sighs against Blaine’s chest. “I - I really want to kiss you now, is that weird, or gross, or -”
Kurt laughs against Blaine’s skin, tilting his neck far enough back so Blaine can get at his mouth. “None of the above, if you don’t think so,” he purrs as he wraps his own arms around Blaine’s neck, letting Blaine set the pace as their lips meet. Blaine’s lips buzz against his as he hums happily, kissing him soft and sweet, and it’s still early, it must be - Kurt doesn’t want their night to end. “Hey, I know Rachel will be here in the morning, but - you should stay.”
“Yeah?” Blaine looks unsure for a moment, as if he wants to but he doesn’t know if a pestering Rachel first thing in the morning will be worth it. “Why am I even thinking? I get to spend the night sleeping next to you,” he finally says with a grin and pecks at Kurt’s check as Kurt squirms underneath him.
“That’s more like it,” he says, finally getting Blaine to stop his kiss assault (they were starting to tickle, and no need for Blaine to learn that information). “Come on, let’s go shower.” The loft showers are barely big enough for two people, but Kurt’s somehow sure they’ll manage.
They always do.
***
Kurt wakes up to Blaine wrapped around him, legs over his and an arm gripped around his waist like a vice, and the sound of Rachel pattering in the kitchen. He looks over at the clock, and it’s after nine, which means Rachel’s slept very little, and they’ve slept far too long. He and Blaine were asleep long before Rachel came home, but really, he can’t remember the last time he slept more than eight hours a night.
“Good morning, sleepy,” Blaine mutters against his shoulder, sounding quite sleepy himself, and Kurt knows he needs coffee from all those mornings way back in late summer, when Blaine was sleeping on the couch just a curtain and wall divider away. It seems like a lifetime ago. Kurt pulls them both out of bed, trying to make them look presentable enough for Rachel’s scrutiny, before pulling back the ivory curtain.
“Morning Kurt,” Rachel says around a yawn from their table. “... And Blaine,” she adds when she realizes, shooting Kurt a scandalous look from over her mug of tea. He rolls his eyes at her, steering Blaine to the coffee pot and grabbing them some mugs. “Fun night?” she asks, her tone full of so much cheek, he wants to smack her. Luckily, Blaine is still pretty dazed, so he doesn’t even realize.
“Wonderful,” Kurt replies tersely, grabbing the half-and-half from the fridge. “How was Callbacks? Full of future Broadway divas clawing their way over a piano to sing today’s latest pop hits as usual?”
Rachel stares pointedly at Kurt before sipping her tea and answering. “Callbacks was lovely. You and Blaine should come with me next time! I haven’t heard Blaine sing yet - doesn’t he sing for those aftercare kids all the time? Have you sung for Kurt yet, Blaine?”
Kurt walks over to the coffee pot, accepting a mug from Blaine with a smile. “No, he hasn’t. While we should change that, we don’t need to go to an over-hyped bar to do so.”
Blaine stirs cream and sugar into his coffee, sighing after the first sip and finally speaking. “We should change that.” He throws Kurt a mischievous look and adds, “Let me see what I can do.”
“Do you want to stay for breakfast?” Kurt asks quietly, straightening the hem Blaine’s tee shirt, not really because it needs to be fixed, just for the excuse to touch him. His fingers brush the soft flesh of Blaine’s stomach, just above the waistband of the borrowed sweatpants he’s wearing, and he knows Rachel can’t see from where she’s sitting.
Blaine smiles sadly, reaching for Kurt’s hand with his. “I - I should probably go, before Quinn sends out a search party for me.” Kurt knows Sunday is Blaine’s day with Quinn to do their own thing, and he never wants to interfere with that. He squeezes Blaine’s hand and they head back to his nook of the loft to grab his things, telling Blaine to leave his clothes and he’ll wash them with his own. “Have a nice day, Rach,” Blaine says with a little wave as they walk out into the hall.
“You too, Blaine!” she replies brightly, and Kurt just glares at her.
“Thank you for staying, even though it meant braving Rachel, and now Quinn,” Kurt says, biting the corner of his mouth, because he hadn’t even thought about what Quinn might say. They passed off their earlier sleepover at Thanksgiving as just accidentally falling asleep, and he knows Quinn doesn’t actually care, but somehow he feels Blaine is going to get teased mercilessly once he walks through the door.
“It was all worth it,” Blaine assures him with a smile and a kiss before retreating next door with an “I love you,” so he figures he can’t be too worried.
“You guys were so quiet. I didn’t even realize Blaine was here,” Rachel says the instant Kurt’s back inside, and he sits across from her at the table.
“That’s because we didn’t do anything. We just slept.” Rachel shoots him another pointed glare, and he amends his statement. “Okay, okay, we just slept while you were here, shut up.”
“I knew it!” Rachel squealed excitedly, bracing her hands around her mug on the table. “I knew once Blaine was introduced to his most primitive, carnal instincts -”
“Oh, god, no, stop!” Kurt wails, holding his hands to his ears for emphasis. “I’m … not talking about this with you. Aside from saying Valentine’s Day is in two weeks, and if you could vacate the apartment … I would like to cook Blaine dinner, oh, stop making that face, for the love of god.”
“That’s not a problem,” Rachel replies, getting up and taking her mug to the sink to wash it out. “Callbacks is having singles night then, actually, and I was planning on being in attendance. You never know who might show up!” She turns to him then and tilts her head. “I - I guess I haven’t given you and Blaine much privacy, have I?”
“Well - no, but I haven’t really said anything until now. Don’t worry about it.” Kurt eyes Rachel, who’s looking at him kind of thoughtfully now, and he asks, “What?”
“Nothing,” she responds, shaking her head, but then she says, “Just - you and Blaine. I guess I didn’t realize how serious things got so fast. I mean, it makes sense, you guys knew each other for so many months before you got together, and he’s Blaine, after all. Simply a random observation is all.” Kurt’s not sure how to take it at first until she adds, “Oh, it’s a good thing silly, love looks good on you is all I’m saying!”
Kurt laughs and ducks his head towards his coffee. “Thanks, Rachel. That’s … nice of you to notice.”
“Of course,” Rachel responds, and her reply seems a little off, as if there’s something behind it - the wheels are turning for sure, and Kurt just hopes he likes whatever her brain spits out at him when he finally learns what it is.
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