If you're intent on never being with me, as lover nor friend, then at least let me say what I want to say, and at least try to accept it as the truth.
Don't trivialise what we were, because that hurts more than anything. You could fucking kill me and it would hurt less than that. Because no matter what you say or believe I know it was more than that, and I know I love you. I loved you. Because it's the sort of thing that never fades no matter how much you want it to. I wish I didn't feel the way I did, because that would make it all easier. I wish I could throw away memories like you seem to be able to do, but I can't.
Leaving you had nothing to do with you deciding I couldn't fuck who I wanted. I appreciated that. I wanted to be yours, and yours only, but other things got in the way. We never split up properly so I didn't get to explain, and I'm not about to do it in an email, either. But you meant so much to me, and you still do. I'm not the man you fell for but you are still the man first to take everything of me. So no, it wasn't a bunch of fucks and cuddles and a bit of ego-stroking.
You meant the world to me.
And I don't want you to leave my life.
If we have to work together why can't we just make the best of it, Zacky?
You don't get what I'm saying are you? I fucking love you and being around you without actually being with you hurts. Having us fuck would straight out strike me dead.
You're making it so easy, things getting in the way, yeah right, I'm sorry you don't have your dick in check enough to have a lasting relationship.
And if I ever meant as much to you as you want me to believe this wouldn't be over, we'd be building that house by now and be content, be happy.
It takes two to build a relationship Matt, and relationships mean sacrifices. I was willing to do that, but you weren't, you bailed out. Think about it, I hope you're content with your fucks and half assed love, I doubt you even know what love really means.
You say you care, if caring means breaking my heart twice than you're more screwed in the head than everybody says.
To: Zacky Baker.
If you're intent on never being with me, as lover nor friend, then at least let me say what I want to say, and at least try to accept it as the truth.
Don't trivialise what we were, because that hurts more than anything. You could fucking kill me and it would hurt less than that. Because no matter what you say or believe I know it was more than that, and I know I love you. I loved you. Because it's the sort of thing that never fades no matter how much you want it to. I wish I didn't feel the way I did, because that would make it all easier. I wish I could throw away memories like you seem to be able to do, but I can't.
Leaving you had nothing to do with you deciding I couldn't fuck who I wanted. I appreciated that. I wanted to be yours, and yours only, but other things got in the way. We never split up properly so I didn't get to explain, and I'm not about to do it in an email, either. But you meant so much to me, and you still do. I'm not the man you fell for but you are still the man first to take everything of me. So no, it wasn't a bunch of fucks and cuddles and a bit of ego-stroking.
You meant the world to me.
And I don't want you to leave my life.
If we have to work together why can't we just make the best of it, Zacky?
Reply
To: Matthew Sanders
You don't get what I'm saying are you? I fucking love you and being around you without actually being with you hurts. Having us fuck would straight out strike me dead.
You're making it so easy, things getting in the way, yeah right, I'm sorry you don't have your dick in check enough to have a lasting relationship.
And if I ever meant as much to you as you want me to believe this wouldn't be over, we'd be building that house by now and be content, be happy.
It takes two to build a relationship Matt, and relationships mean sacrifices. I was willing to do that, but you weren't, you bailed out. Think about it, I hope you're content with your fucks and half assed love, I doubt you even know what love really means.
You say you care, if caring means breaking my heart twice than you're more screwed in the head than everybody says.
Reply
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