Whats on my mind
I had a friend tell me this morning that though I am single, she doesn't consider me available. This came up when I asked about her strongly negative reaction to the thought of me dating one of our mutual friends. She said:
"sorry, just territorial about her and i don't want her to get hurt and i just don't think you guys would work and i think she might get hurt in it and i want her first experiance with a woman to be a really positive one and I think you have too many things you're still dealing with to be truely emotionally available the way she needs a woman to be"
I was all prepared to argue against this when I realized that it was true. The aftermath of my last relationship destroyed my willingness to trust people. Every single person I have looked at romantically after that I have dismissed because all I can see is how it wouldn't work, how it would end up horribly because of our conflicting personalities. I seem to go on one or two dates with a person and then decide that it would be a bad idea to go on more dates. I justify it by assuming it wouldn't work without trying. I think i'm becoming a relationship phobic.
This is rather bad. I always like to think of myself being open to anything, especially if we were able to discuss it but it looks like i'm just closing myself off. I don't want to do that, I just don't want to hurt anyone, least of all myself.
"But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love"
"sorry, just territorial about her and i don't want her to get hurt and i just don't think you guys would work and i think she might get hurt in it and i want her first experiance with a woman to be a really positive one and I think you have too many things you're still dealing with to be truely emotionally available the way she needs a woman to be"
I was all prepared to argue against this when I realized that it was true. The aftermath of my last relationship destroyed my willingness to trust people. Every single person I have looked at romantically after that I have dismissed because all I can see is how it wouldn't work, how it would end up horribly because of our conflicting personalities. I seem to go on one or two dates with a person and then decide that it would be a bad idea to go on more dates. I justify it by assuming it wouldn't work without trying. I think i'm becoming a relationship phobic.
This is rather bad. I always like to think of myself being open to anything, especially if we were able to discuss it but it looks like i'm just closing myself off. I don't want to do that, I just don't want to hurt anyone, least of all myself.
"But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love"