I don't usually take requests...
The following is written in the hopes of growth and self improvement. Please do not feel obligated to read it.
I'm feeling less and less comfortable writing here. I feel like as my life becomes more complicated and more people become, well, involved in my life, the harder it is to write in here. Between invading others privacy or just being able to write non-offensive or upsetting things, it's hardly worth it anymore. I've been talking to people more which is healthy, but I think I have just as much of a problem with that. I found myself at my party spilling my guts to just about anybody who'd gimme the time of day, and I don't wanna be that guy. I also know when I was with Kristie I made a horrible habit of just spewing whatever problem I had in the wold that wasn't involving Kristie on to Kristie and never really dealt with the issue myself; sometimes leaving her to have to figure it out or deal with it, if that makes sense. That's a habit I don't want to continue to have so I just need to find a healthier way of dealing with my life that isn't public forums, private journaling, excessive divulging or co-dependency. Right now I'm doing 3 of those and feel like it's not enough, and I know the other doesn't feel fulfilling, but maybe I should try it again for the sake of trying. Private journaling, that is.
Looking back at my previous posts I see where healthy development and growth went on here, so to say it's not enough isn't accurate. I've come to important decisions, particularly ones I didn't want to make on here. Wow, now that I think about it, maybe that's why I've been afraid to journal. Ugh, I'm in a negative place right now for a bajillion reasons ranging from guilt to fear to concern to anger to keep things vague. I really want to elaborate but I'm just in a place right now where all the thins on my mind are private matters that involve others. I'm not lying about that, but am I using it as an excuse to avoid the answer?
Suffice it to say I'm very anxious tonight and writing in here has been therapeutic... but not enough. I think the worst part is that I don't need advice or counsel- I just need to make a choice. Ah hell, that ain't it either... not really. I've made the choice... I think I've made the choice... I've made a choice... It's not just a choice, that's over simplifying it. I'm afraid of screwing something up and I don't even know what something I'm afraid of screwing up. Everything probably. I've finally gotten past the going backwards... How 'bout that. Something positive and true. I AM past the going backwards, but the forwards I thought was the backwards could finally be in sight and I see another forwards and I've seen two forwards before only to see one was a backwards in disguise and I'm afraid I'm looking at it again- but this time I'm not choosing the possibly backwards forwards but I'm anxious like I'm supposed to be. I already talked about the guilt and talked about the one forwards and purposefully didn't talk about the other forwards that could be a backwards so am I freaked out because I should be freaked out or am I freaked out because I'm freaked out. I'm freaked out and I've made a choice and I'm feeling anxious about it, but it doesn't warrant a message and that should say something even if maybe I shouldn't be saying something. I wish I could say everything because I don't know how to say nothing.
Also, take your time.
I'm feeling less and less comfortable writing here. I feel like as my life becomes more complicated and more people become, well, involved in my life, the harder it is to write in here. Between invading others privacy or just being able to write non-offensive or upsetting things, it's hardly worth it anymore. I've been talking to people more which is healthy, but I think I have just as much of a problem with that. I found myself at my party spilling my guts to just about anybody who'd gimme the time of day, and I don't wanna be that guy. I also know when I was with Kristie I made a horrible habit of just spewing whatever problem I had in the wold that wasn't involving Kristie on to Kristie and never really dealt with the issue myself; sometimes leaving her to have to figure it out or deal with it, if that makes sense. That's a habit I don't want to continue to have so I just need to find a healthier way of dealing with my life that isn't public forums, private journaling, excessive divulging or co-dependency. Right now I'm doing 3 of those and feel like it's not enough, and I know the other doesn't feel fulfilling, but maybe I should try it again for the sake of trying. Private journaling, that is.
Looking back at my previous posts I see where healthy development and growth went on here, so to say it's not enough isn't accurate. I've come to important decisions, particularly ones I didn't want to make on here. Wow, now that I think about it, maybe that's why I've been afraid to journal. Ugh, I'm in a negative place right now for a bajillion reasons ranging from guilt to fear to concern to anger to keep things vague. I really want to elaborate but I'm just in a place right now where all the thins on my mind are private matters that involve others. I'm not lying about that, but am I using it as an excuse to avoid the answer?
Suffice it to say I'm very anxious tonight and writing in here has been therapeutic... but not enough. I think the worst part is that I don't need advice or counsel- I just need to make a choice. Ah hell, that ain't it either... not really. I've made the choice... I think I've made the choice... I've made a choice... It's not just a choice, that's over simplifying it. I'm afraid of screwing something up and I don't even know what something I'm afraid of screwing up. Everything probably. I've finally gotten past the going backwards... How 'bout that. Something positive and true. I AM past the going backwards, but the forwards I thought was the backwards could finally be in sight and I see another forwards and I've seen two forwards before only to see one was a backwards in disguise and I'm afraid I'm looking at it again- but this time I'm not choosing the possibly backwards forwards but I'm anxious like I'm supposed to be. I already talked about the guilt and talked about the one forwards and purposefully didn't talk about the other forwards that could be a backwards so am I freaked out because I should be freaked out or am I freaked out because I'm freaked out. I'm freaked out and I've made a choice and I'm feeling anxious about it, but it doesn't warrant a message and that should say something even if maybe I shouldn't be saying something. I wish I could say everything because I don't know how to say nothing.
Also, take your time.