Why do womenfolk make such good confidantes?
The following is written with the intent of personal growth and development and sometimes it gets there. It never, however, gets to where it's going by forcing you through social obligation to read and/or comment. Both are completely optional if you so choose.
She doesn't get that it meant something to me, and I haven't said anything so I feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, not even I could take it seriously if I tried to say it was something more, but it still made me feel something and that's important. It breaks a lot of the rules I hold myself accountable to. She is happy and she has him, I need to be honest and otherwise work on my side of the equation.
I've been getting better at talking to people as of late. The other parts I want to say on here, I'm going to say to the people I should be talking to about them. This is a work of expression to help me recognize a pattern in my life and try to recognize where I go wrong and what mistakes I make and the situations I get myself and others into. The last week has been exceptionally eventful and torn up a lot of misconceptions I've had about the world and about relationships. It has brought me a lot of beautiful moments, both lasting and fleeting, shared with others and probably overlooked by others. I've finally gotten a bit more of a grasp on my need to be single and maybe even some of the tools to do it. There's a lot of irony in all of it- a lot of things I'd never thought I'd do or think or believe or allow. The good news is I followed a lot of people's advice to let go a little, heh. More like a consolation prize then the good news. It's really harmless because it's all one sided- it's just me... The problems would come if I wasn't honest about it but I will be.
She doesn't get that it meant something to me, and I've said everything but I still feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, I tried to take it seriously when I said it was something more, and it still made me feel something and that's important. I broke a lot of the rules I hold myself accountable to. She isn't happy and she needs to be able to move on, I have been honest and need to otherwise work on my side of the equation.
Someone commented that I'm prone to being attracted to girls I can "fix"- something I've certainly seen in people in general and don't think is uncommon. I've admitted to being attracted very strongly in the moment to vulnerability- perhaps even more than I've admitted to myself- and the two do go hand in hand. I lined up the situations I'm facing in my life the way I've done to... preserve some level of anonymity- not just to feel artistic the same way a 12 year old girl with a deviant art account feels- but also to recognize that there are somethings that seem pretty consistent. No two situations are ever exactly the same, but I'm currently hung up in some way/shape/ or form on three different girls when, that fact ASIDE I should be alone for a good long while.
She didn't get that it meant something to me, and we've said everything and I still feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, I couldn't take it seriously if I tried to say it was nothing more, but it still makes me feel something and that's important. I hold a lot of the rules I held myself accountable to. She has him and she needs to be able to move on, I have been honest and need to figure out what my side of the equation is.
I came to the conclusion on my own that me and Kristie need to not talk for a while. I don't know how long, but Kristie is in a similar place as me in regards to one another- I think. We are both unable to fully let go- wondering if calling it off was a mistake, recognizing how we could have done things better. It leads to me feeling guilty like I'd be hurting her by trying to move on, but at this point even if it's our destiny or whatever to be together, we're not gonna get there by not growing, which is what I've been doing; NOT growing. I think this is part of the process- I need to be able to disconnect a little. It's going to be hard and scary, but I think it's going to be good. I need to be alone for a long, long time. I really don't want to be.
I'm going to actually talk to people about the things going on in my life. I'm not excited about going to bed tonight... Not in the slightest. I have to get over this loneliness by being alone though, and no one can help me with that. I have to do it myself. I also need to be a good friend to a lot of people I haven't been a good friend to lately. I'll make it all right and alright. Wish me luck.
She doesn't get that it meant something to me, and I haven't said anything so I feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, not even I could take it seriously if I tried to say it was something more, but it still made me feel something and that's important. It breaks a lot of the rules I hold myself accountable to. She is happy and she has him, I need to be honest and otherwise work on my side of the equation.
I've been getting better at talking to people as of late. The other parts I want to say on here, I'm going to say to the people I should be talking to about them. This is a work of expression to help me recognize a pattern in my life and try to recognize where I go wrong and what mistakes I make and the situations I get myself and others into. The last week has been exceptionally eventful and torn up a lot of misconceptions I've had about the world and about relationships. It has brought me a lot of beautiful moments, both lasting and fleeting, shared with others and probably overlooked by others. I've finally gotten a bit more of a grasp on my need to be single and maybe even some of the tools to do it. There's a lot of irony in all of it- a lot of things I'd never thought I'd do or think or believe or allow. The good news is I followed a lot of people's advice to let go a little, heh. More like a consolation prize then the good news. It's really harmless because it's all one sided- it's just me... The problems would come if I wasn't honest about it but I will be.
She doesn't get that it meant something to me, and I've said everything but I still feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, I tried to take it seriously when I said it was something more, and it still made me feel something and that's important. I broke a lot of the rules I hold myself accountable to. She isn't happy and she needs to be able to move on, I have been honest and need to otherwise work on my side of the equation.
Someone commented that I'm prone to being attracted to girls I can "fix"- something I've certainly seen in people in general and don't think is uncommon. I've admitted to being attracted very strongly in the moment to vulnerability- perhaps even more than I've admitted to myself- and the two do go hand in hand. I lined up the situations I'm facing in my life the way I've done to... preserve some level of anonymity- not just to feel artistic the same way a 12 year old girl with a deviant art account feels- but also to recognize that there are somethings that seem pretty consistent. No two situations are ever exactly the same, but I'm currently hung up in some way/shape/ or form on three different girls when, that fact ASIDE I should be alone for a good long while.
She didn't get that it meant something to me, and we've said everything and I still feel dishonest. My feelings are so all over the place, I couldn't take it seriously if I tried to say it was nothing more, but it still makes me feel something and that's important. I hold a lot of the rules I held myself accountable to. She has him and she needs to be able to move on, I have been honest and need to figure out what my side of the equation is.
I came to the conclusion on my own that me and Kristie need to not talk for a while. I don't know how long, but Kristie is in a similar place as me in regards to one another- I think. We are both unable to fully let go- wondering if calling it off was a mistake, recognizing how we could have done things better. It leads to me feeling guilty like I'd be hurting her by trying to move on, but at this point even if it's our destiny or whatever to be together, we're not gonna get there by not growing, which is what I've been doing; NOT growing. I think this is part of the process- I need to be able to disconnect a little. It's going to be hard and scary, but I think it's going to be good. I need to be alone for a long, long time. I really don't want to be.
I'm going to actually talk to people about the things going on in my life. I'm not excited about going to bed tonight... Not in the slightest. I have to get over this loneliness by being alone though, and no one can help me with that. I have to do it myself. I also need to be a good friend to a lot of people I haven't been a good friend to lately. I'll make it all right and alright. Wish me luck.