day by day guide of a dorks life
Alaskan memories:
One lovely evening about three weeks prior to my departure from Skagway I went outside to get another pack of smokes. I looked skyward and saw something a bit out of place, light streaming across the sky as though it was being projected from the westward mountain peak. I decided to head out to an area lacking unnatural lights with the hopes of a better view. About 5 minutes later I saw the Northern Lights in all their glory, I looked skyward for about an hour as the ever changing lights provided me with one of the most breath taking sites I have ever seen.
Life as usual, just another day. While the accident I was in has given me a different view on life in general it has made my feelings on certain things much stronger. I am tired of being alone, my friends mean much to me but I need more, and I want to stop moving around. I want to just be somewhere for the foreseeable future, with someone in my life....someone to love, someone to love me. But, such is not my life. My wish for the day? To not dream anymore. To dream is to see exactly what I want in life and to remember how wonderful it feels when I have had it. Then I wake up....without it....wanting only to go back to sleep so that I may experience wonderfully happy emotions again. Is that depression? Probably so, but what is one to do? For me it does not adversely effect my daily ability to function so pills are not required. It is more like a thorn in my heal that is long enough to scratch my knee cap.
I am not the sort that needs someone for me to be happy overall. The situation is more like this, my friends and family are important to me and they make up probably 75% of what is good in my life. But, lacking that remaining 25% made up by having a relationship with someone withdraws virtually the same amount from my emotional bank account as all my friends and family deposit.
What I could really go for is another person I've dated or someone that just simply knows I have much interest in them complain to me about not being able to find anyone....or, my favorite....tell how they wish they could find someone just like me. Seriously, why the hell do women do that shit? If a guy were to say anything of that sort to a woman that he knew to like him he would be labeled an asshole by all her friends. But, for women it's ok.....quite the double standard.
And now for something outside of self pity......
Emily, Jeff and I are to attend a performance of the Detroit Symphony this evening. Should be most fun as I have never seen a symphony outside of a park setting. So, this will be a new experience, and one that I will had with very good company.
One lovely evening about three weeks prior to my departure from Skagway I went outside to get another pack of smokes. I looked skyward and saw something a bit out of place, light streaming across the sky as though it was being projected from the westward mountain peak. I decided to head out to an area lacking unnatural lights with the hopes of a better view. About 5 minutes later I saw the Northern Lights in all their glory, I looked skyward for about an hour as the ever changing lights provided me with one of the most breath taking sites I have ever seen.
Life as usual, just another day. While the accident I was in has given me a different view on life in general it has made my feelings on certain things much stronger. I am tired of being alone, my friends mean much to me but I need more, and I want to stop moving around. I want to just be somewhere for the foreseeable future, with someone in my life....someone to love, someone to love me. But, such is not my life. My wish for the day? To not dream anymore. To dream is to see exactly what I want in life and to remember how wonderful it feels when I have had it. Then I wake up....without it....wanting only to go back to sleep so that I may experience wonderfully happy emotions again. Is that depression? Probably so, but what is one to do? For me it does not adversely effect my daily ability to function so pills are not required. It is more like a thorn in my heal that is long enough to scratch my knee cap.
I am not the sort that needs someone for me to be happy overall. The situation is more like this, my friends and family are important to me and they make up probably 75% of what is good in my life. But, lacking that remaining 25% made up by having a relationship with someone withdraws virtually the same amount from my emotional bank account as all my friends and family deposit.
What I could really go for is another person I've dated or someone that just simply knows I have much interest in them complain to me about not being able to find anyone....or, my favorite....tell how they wish they could find someone just like me. Seriously, why the hell do women do that shit? If a guy were to say anything of that sort to a woman that he knew to like him he would be labeled an asshole by all her friends. But, for women it's ok.....quite the double standard.
And now for something outside of self pity......
Emily, Jeff and I are to attend a performance of the Detroit Symphony this evening. Should be most fun as I have never seen a symphony outside of a park setting. So, this will be a new experience, and one that I will had with very good company.