Life in New Hampshire and my head
By the end of the month when I fly back to Ohio, I'm going to probably miss one thing about New Hampshire. Not its toll roads, unforgivable thin and chilly air, or local carnivores, but... I like that the road up to the residential block my parent's live in was literally carved out of rock and bleeds icicles. Before I leave, I will have pictures of this. It's so... natural. I miss that.
Speaking of things I miss... I hope my friends are doing well. I'm sure I'm annoying all of them by now by repeating this statement to each of them, but mentally telling myself everyone's doing well is keeping me sane temporarily. Though catching yourself in mid-conversation with your pillow sort of doesn't help with the sanity badge. I missed people so much I started talking to things just to have a conversation, then they became my friends and we talked for a long while.
I'm spending a lot of time in bed huddled up under my covers talking with whomever pops up in my head. It's disappointing when I get distracted and not only lose track of my conversation, but also the entity I'd created to talk to. I try to recreate the image in my head of what was going on before I had let my mind wander in another direction, but it's never the same and just upsets me more.
I tried to draw a person today, but I ended up stabbing the pencil through the paper in frustration because he wasn't looking like the image in my head, but I talked to him anyway and spent a while cutting him up into tiny pieces and apologizing for being a sick fuck. He took it well and understood his fate, which was appreciated. I won't attempt to do that again, I'd just feel bad for whom I tried to give physical substance. It seems the best things I create stay in my head. I wonder if it's getting crowded in there.
Most of the people are based on real people or characters, but because I know that I cannot satisfactorily create the image of their respective creators in my head, I acknowledge that my interpretations of them, while sharing the same name and often appearance, are not who they are meant to be. I've allowed this separation to occur so that I may be able to talk to them and not have to worry about staying canon, but I do try to keep them as close as possible to their originals. sometimes I hardly know someone though, so I'll allow the fact that I really don't know how they'd respond in certain situations somehow escape the reality of my surreality. Their actions must be logical though, I'm trying to stop from being selfish and dreaming wildly.
I'm getting sleepy again, so I'm going to head back to the guest room and see how everyone's doing. They're always happy to see me, and sometimes a smile is all I need to keep going.
Speaking of things I miss... I hope my friends are doing well. I'm sure I'm annoying all of them by now by repeating this statement to each of them, but mentally telling myself everyone's doing well is keeping me sane temporarily. Though catching yourself in mid-conversation with your pillow sort of doesn't help with the sanity badge. I missed people so much I started talking to things just to have a conversation, then they became my friends and we talked for a long while.
I'm spending a lot of time in bed huddled up under my covers talking with whomever pops up in my head. It's disappointing when I get distracted and not only lose track of my conversation, but also the entity I'd created to talk to. I try to recreate the image in my head of what was going on before I had let my mind wander in another direction, but it's never the same and just upsets me more.
I tried to draw a person today, but I ended up stabbing the pencil through the paper in frustration because he wasn't looking like the image in my head, but I talked to him anyway and spent a while cutting him up into tiny pieces and apologizing for being a sick fuck. He took it well and understood his fate, which was appreciated. I won't attempt to do that again, I'd just feel bad for whom I tried to give physical substance. It seems the best things I create stay in my head. I wonder if it's getting crowded in there.
Most of the people are based on real people or characters, but because I know that I cannot satisfactorily create the image of their respective creators in my head, I acknowledge that my interpretations of them, while sharing the same name and often appearance, are not who they are meant to be. I've allowed this separation to occur so that I may be able to talk to them and not have to worry about staying canon, but I do try to keep them as close as possible to their originals. sometimes I hardly know someone though, so I'll allow the fact that I really don't know how they'd respond in certain situations somehow escape the reality of my surreality. Their actions must be logical though, I'm trying to stop from being selfish and dreaming wildly.
I'm getting sleepy again, so I'm going to head back to the guest room and see how everyone's doing. They're always happy to see me, and sometimes a smile is all I need to keep going.