James, Doran, and Ike
This is what happens when Ike comes to visit me in Ohio and I discuss the matter with Doran. Hilarity ensues. These are just a few clippits from a very lengthy and hilarious discussion with Doran. :3
James: Hullo.
Doran: Hallo.
James: How's it going? :)
Doran: I can't rightly say. It looks as though I am going to starved to death. Tell Oz.
James: I shall inform the cook.
Doran: Why, thank you.
Doran: It does appear at this time, however, that I am still starving.
James: How irresponsible of Oz to allow you to denegrate to this state.
Doran: Really. Cur.
James: He's even fed me some internet potatoes too.
James: He even fed the dog a hamburger!
Doran: Nothing to be done about that.
James: The food situation aside, how is everything else?
Doran: Fine, thanks.
James: Haven't been able to chat with you in quite some time. The only news I get is from either Oz or Cam.
Doran: You've discovered my terrible secret. I am simply not that interesting once you've seen past my superficial bacon fixation.
James: I'm not sure I believe that, but until evidence proves otherwise I'll have to assume you know yourself best.
James: Even if your bacon fixation is the root of many amusing conversations. lol
Doran: I would like to have one of those bacon wallets. Or the pyjama bottoms that are printed with bacon. Novelties.
Doran: I would not try to eat them.
James: Haha, I trust you wouldn't. They'd be too cool to waste with eating just the one time.
Doran: Not to mention rather difficult to chew.
James: At least you'd be able to savour them for a long time. They don't spoil either.
Doran: The same could be said of beef jerky, yet I have no desire to wear that to bed.
[And now, Ike and Toilet Paper]
James: Ike came up to visit, and I sort of wish he hadn't.
Doran: One of those friends, eh?
Doran: The kind that drinks all your favourite soda, uses up all the hot water in your house, keeps you up all night, and steals a few rolls' TP on the way out the door.
James: Let's go through the checklist. I had to throw away milk. Check. Heating is gone with the power, so no hot water. Check. Can't sleep well due to stress. Check. Hmmm, just missed the last one.
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least you still have toilet paper.
James: Well, it is squeezably soft...
Doran: It will never leave you for another man.
James: Yes it will. I share the bathroom with another guy. *pout*
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least your toilet paper is straight.
James: That is questionable. It does spend a majority of its spare time hanging out in a men's bathroom and loitering in other private areas.
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least you are not your toilet paper. :-)
James: Oh Doran... lol
Doran: I would like some bacon now.
[And now for some classic Doran logic, but if you laugh it's not his fault]
James: I'll be very honest, if I were able to provide you with some, I would. You've made me laugh, so you deserve some sort of reward.
Doran: I was only trying to put things in perspective. If there happened to be humour in it, I am not the one to blame.
Doran: Or am I.
James: I could have responded any number of ways. I chose to view the comments as humerous, and thus must be at fault for laughing.
James: You're off the hook.
Doran: That was my point.
Doran: Excuse me. I would like some bacon now. If I fail to respond within the hour, I have most likely either blown myself up attempting to operate the microwave, or I have succeeded admirably, and am lying on the floor in the langourous aftermath of the orgiastic bliss typically found overwhelming my senses before, during, but most especially after, excess consumption of bacon.
James: Whichever event occurs, just don't drown yourself.
Doran: I cannot make any promises. There is a lot of juice in this sack.
[And now, Doran's cooking skills]
James: I might try to get in touch with Damian and ask if he wants breakfast on campus sometime this week. They do a buffet-style breakfast option with pans and pans of bacon.
Doran: Pans.
James: The deep pans too.
Doran: I am thinking thoughts that should ne'er be thunk.
James: I can only wonder why pans would make you think this way.
Doran: They make me think of attempting that which I swore a solemn oath never to attempt: single combat against my mortal enemy, the stove-top.
James: Now, when Cam was bitten by the toaster, I was amused. I can't say I'd share the same sentiment if you suffered 3rd degree burns because I inspired you to attempt to fry something.
Doran: Don't worry. I'd take care.
James: That's all I could ask... and ever do, for that matter.
Doran: The fateful clash shall have to wait. I will not face my foe tonight.
James: Perhaps when the situation is more dire, or should the microwave explode.
Doran: Though I long to test the tines of my fork against that shimmering Teflon armour, my skills are not yet primed for such a heated battle.
James: We could always suit you up and film this as the real Iron Chef.
[And now, the best one-liner of the night]
James: If I didn't have cameras on me right now, I'd be doing the same. Regardless, I'm the only one in the library so I've become more relaxed.
James: I just wish it were my room.
Doran: I like libraries.
James: Hullo.
Doran: Hallo.
James: How's it going? :)
Doran: I can't rightly say. It looks as though I am going to starved to death. Tell Oz.
James: I shall inform the cook.
Doran: Why, thank you.
Doran: It does appear at this time, however, that I am still starving.
James: How irresponsible of Oz to allow you to denegrate to this state.
Doran: Really. Cur.
James: He's even fed me some internet potatoes too.
James: He even fed the dog a hamburger!
Doran: Nothing to be done about that.
James: The food situation aside, how is everything else?
Doran: Fine, thanks.
James: Haven't been able to chat with you in quite some time. The only news I get is from either Oz or Cam.
Doran: You've discovered my terrible secret. I am simply not that interesting once you've seen past my superficial bacon fixation.
James: I'm not sure I believe that, but until evidence proves otherwise I'll have to assume you know yourself best.
James: Even if your bacon fixation is the root of many amusing conversations. lol
Doran: I would like to have one of those bacon wallets. Or the pyjama bottoms that are printed with bacon. Novelties.
Doran: I would not try to eat them.
James: Haha, I trust you wouldn't. They'd be too cool to waste with eating just the one time.
Doran: Not to mention rather difficult to chew.
James: At least you'd be able to savour them for a long time. They don't spoil either.
Doran: The same could be said of beef jerky, yet I have no desire to wear that to bed.
[And now, Ike and Toilet Paper]
James: Ike came up to visit, and I sort of wish he hadn't.
Doran: One of those friends, eh?
Doran: The kind that drinks all your favourite soda, uses up all the hot water in your house, keeps you up all night, and steals a few rolls' TP on the way out the door.
James: Let's go through the checklist. I had to throw away milk. Check. Heating is gone with the power, so no hot water. Check. Can't sleep well due to stress. Check. Hmmm, just missed the last one.
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least you still have toilet paper.
James: Well, it is squeezably soft...
Doran: It will never leave you for another man.
James: Yes it will. I share the bathroom with another guy. *pout*
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least your toilet paper is straight.
James: That is questionable. It does spend a majority of its spare time hanging out in a men's bathroom and loitering in other private areas.
Doran: Then comfort yourself. At least you are not your toilet paper. :-)
James: Oh Doran... lol
Doran: I would like some bacon now.
[And now for some classic Doran logic, but if you laugh it's not his fault]
James: I'll be very honest, if I were able to provide you with some, I would. You've made me laugh, so you deserve some sort of reward.
Doran: I was only trying to put things in perspective. If there happened to be humour in it, I am not the one to blame.
Doran: Or am I.
James: I could have responded any number of ways. I chose to view the comments as humerous, and thus must be at fault for laughing.
James: You're off the hook.
Doran: That was my point.
Doran: Excuse me. I would like some bacon now. If I fail to respond within the hour, I have most likely either blown myself up attempting to operate the microwave, or I have succeeded admirably, and am lying on the floor in the langourous aftermath of the orgiastic bliss typically found overwhelming my senses before, during, but most especially after, excess consumption of bacon.
James: Whichever event occurs, just don't drown yourself.
Doran: I cannot make any promises. There is a lot of juice in this sack.
[And now, Doran's cooking skills]
James: I might try to get in touch with Damian and ask if he wants breakfast on campus sometime this week. They do a buffet-style breakfast option with pans and pans of bacon.
Doran: Pans.
James: The deep pans too.
Doran: I am thinking thoughts that should ne'er be thunk.
James: I can only wonder why pans would make you think this way.
Doran: They make me think of attempting that which I swore a solemn oath never to attempt: single combat against my mortal enemy, the stove-top.
James: Now, when Cam was bitten by the toaster, I was amused. I can't say I'd share the same sentiment if you suffered 3rd degree burns because I inspired you to attempt to fry something.
Doran: Don't worry. I'd take care.
James: That's all I could ask... and ever do, for that matter.
Doran: The fateful clash shall have to wait. I will not face my foe tonight.
James: Perhaps when the situation is more dire, or should the microwave explode.
Doran: Though I long to test the tines of my fork against that shimmering Teflon armour, my skills are not yet primed for such a heated battle.
James: We could always suit you up and film this as the real Iron Chef.
[And now, the best one-liner of the night]
James: If I didn't have cameras on me right now, I'd be doing the same. Regardless, I'm the only one in the library so I've become more relaxed.
James: I just wish it were my room.
Doran: I like libraries.